What to do when a patient does not want live in care and consequently does not want to pay you?

You either let all the complaining roll off of your back or you get another job. If this old woman thinks you s/b working your fingers to the bone 24/7 in order to have 'earned' your keep, then she's got another thought coming. If you, on the other hand, agree that you need to be doing 'busy work' in order to earn your keep, then you are also sadly mistaken. Your TIME is what you're paid for, and the ear you're giving this woman to hear all of her chronic complaining and anything else she cares to talk about; that's not free. Companionship and being there for her all the time merits a salary.

Years ago I was a receptionist at a law firm. Whether the firm was busy or not, I was a paid the same hourly wage. Sometimes I was bored and surfed the internet, which kept me occupied. I was still paid the same hourly rate. Other times, the phone rang off the hook and people came through the front door by the droves. I was still paid the same hourly wage.

Compare my job at that law firm to your job with this woman. Sometimes you'll be helping her shower and cleaning up a foul mess in her bathroom, while other times you'll be sitting there talking to her or listening to her talk. In either situation, you are paid the same salary and you've EARNED the same salary.

Wrap your head around the meaning of the service you're providing, and how much STRESS it's causing you, and then put a price on THAT! Try to explain to me then how you don't 'deserve' the money you're being paid, and I'll tell you that you deserve a RAISE!

At 97 she is living in a understanding of costs and salaries that don't match the current environment. When my grandmother was receiving care she loved the woman who cared for her but would have been aghast at the actual cost but she did want to pay for it herself. Our solution was to have two checks written - one by my grandmother and then a second check from my mother that my grandmother never knew about. Both checks actually came from the same bank account so my grandmother was paying her own way but wasn't upset at the cost. My grandmother got to keep her pride and to feel that she was getting good value for her money and the wonderful woman who cared for her was paid appropriately.

With my dad we had a similar sitiuation to what you are experiencing - he thought if the carer wasn't actively working every single minute that it wasn't worth it when the real value was just having someone with him in the house and on call even if they were watching television. It was a dilemma we never successfully solved. (you can only sweep the kitchen floor just so many times each day.)

Maybe you can talk with the daughter/family to let them know of your concerns and perceptions of the situation. I think you have a good understanding of both sides of this issue and may be able to work out some small "white lies" to cover the situation.

Hi Stephanie, I don’t know how you manage to fit in all that you do, but your last answer makes this a lot more understandable. My suggestion would be to talk to her daughter who set up the contract, and the rest of the family if you can. The old lady is not going to listen to you. You can tell the family that the work is going well for you, but the relationship is getting increasingly difficult because she resents you getting paid and you are upset by her criticisms. It’s up to them to sort things out with her. My guess is that this arrangement is quite economic for her family and care trust, so it’s in their interests to sort it all out. They can tell her that the next option is a nursing home, which would cost far more and take her out of her own home. Perhaps if you need more study time coming up to exams, she could go into respite care for a couple of weeks and find out for herself the advantages of the current arrangement. The family or her own experience are probably the only things that will change her views.

Stephanie, quick note that I would remove the elder’s name from your profile.

And just to clarify, you are a high school student trying to provide 24 hour care? What do your parents think of this? Why is your education not their first priority?

This is a very concerning situation.

What are you gaining from this relationship?

The real question should be, ‘Do you wish to stay in this situation?’

If you were not around, what would she do?

Caregiving isn’t free! Maybe she should be in a nursing home. How much care does she require?

I don’t think there is anything that can be done to change the situation you are in now.

If you aren’t happy, consider looking for other employment. Reliable caregivers are in great demand!

Best of luck to you.

If there is no employment contract you move out. As Beatty says "There will be no solutions as long as YOU are all the solutions". Why would she change things? This works well for her. You do the caregiving and she gives nothing. Such a deal. Who wouldn't want it?
I don't know your relationship, nor whether this elder lives with you or you live with her, but you should move on with your own life in your own home whatever the circumstances are.
You would likely not be paid enough for 24/7 care to make this recompense in any way enough to sustain your own life in ANY case.
Your giving relationship, POA info, and living circumstances might help with this question.
I wish you the best.

Do you have an employment agreement with her? Did she actually hire you to care for her? If so and she isn't paying for your very valuable services, don't go there. Instead contact APS for her county at the Dept of Health and Human Services (if you can't find any family) to let them know she is a vulnerable adult. They will move to take care of her. If you continue to go there and "prop up" the illusion of her independence, you're not really doing her any favors. She is about to need more care than you can provide -- paid or not.