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Vickimatthews Asked February 2021

How to cope with moving out of state with mom in assisted living and leaving her due to COVID?

Hello AgingCare community, my husband and I moved to New Mexico in December, and had to leave my mom who is 76 in a CA assisted living residence due to COVID. I'm really struggling with the guilt and miss her terribly. While I'm thankful for the Amazon Echo, to see and talk to her, I'm always sad after our calls. Last night she fell, and I saw her face all bruised with a split lip. She fell on her way to the bathroom at 11pm. This broke my heart that I could not be with her today. Thankfully, she is ok, but I'm still shaken up and sad with the distance. Our plan is to get her placed her in NM sometime in Spring. It's so sad to see my mom's memory decline due to her stroke and mild CVA dementia. Anyone else experience this kind of pain? I'm also her only child living and bear the responsibility for her care, finances etc. along with my husband. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Geaton777 Feb 2021
Excellent advice from MACinCT about "eating the elephant one bite at a time". That's my methodology for everything because it greatly reduces my stress when faced with large or complex challenges. Plus I love feeling productive.

FYI falling on the way to the bathroom at night is one of the most common accidents in facilities. I work in medtech and if people only knew how many companies are trying to work on this issue, it would shock you. So far, no real practical solutions. Not that this makes your poor mom's accident any less distressing... May you gain peace in your heart as you move her close to you!
Vickimatthews Feb 2021
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Yes, my mother has fallen twice on her way to the bathroom. We had a bedside camode for her when she came home after her strike, which worked well. I really feel facilities should make use of these more often for residents with a fall risk, but you don't see it much; so troubling. We will get through it, one way or another.

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