My Dad absolutely refuses to shower or take a sponge bath. He refuses any help when it comes to his personal hygiene. Any suggestions?

When my Dad wouldn't let his caregiver help him with a shower, thus refused to take a shower for days, she put hands on her hips and said "Mr. Bob, I raised a houseful of boys, there is nothing I haven't seen". That got Dad laughing, and it was smooth sailing after that.

The caregiver used what was called a "therapeutic fib" which she found worked in her many years of experience as a professional caregiver. Oh, she never had a houseful of boys :)

Fear of falling is common. You've done a good job of providing the safety items that will (should) provide safety and comfort. But maybe it's not the shower itself. Maybe it's an issue of modesty. Is there another male that could help him? Maybe it's about his dignity. Being helped to shower can seem childish to him. You want him to shower, he doesn't want to shower. Now we're in a power struggle that he isn't going to loose. Go to YouTube and search “Alzheimer's and bathing”. There are a ton of videos.

Elderly lose depth perception. Buy a bright colored mat and decals is what PT/OT said to do in my situation.

Get some uniformed home care or nursing assistants in. They will probably start small, bringing him a bowl and encouraging him to wash bits of himself and helping with the parts he can't reach; then step by step get him used to using the bathroom; then you get the shower assessed by an OT who will go through his own routine with him and identify any risks; and then after that the aides will encourage him to follow the OT's guidelines; and with any luck, you'll have his schedule back to something like what he has been used to.

You will spot immediately that the key difference is that all family members stay RIGHT out of it!

You can explain until you're blue in the face, dementia prevents your father from being able to understand reason. He needs help in the shower to feel safe, whether he wants it or not. It's never safe for a demented elder inside a shower stall alone....ever. Even with help, they can and do still fall quite often. Trust me.

The water shoes NeedHelpWithMom is referencing I purchased on Amazon.com. Just search men's water shoes. My mother hadn't fallen for about a year after I ordered her a pair, but had an incident just last week in spite of her shower looking like a literal fortress and having a caregiver in the bathroom with her. She lost her balance 3x and reinforcements had to be called in to keep her safe. Soon she'll have to be moved to a nursing home where she can be wheeled into the shower in her wheelchair without having to move.

Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube discussing techniques to help demented elders feel safe and protected in the shower. She's very good.

Good luck

There is a long time poster who came up with a brilliant solution for a parent who has fear in the shower.

She bought water shoes for her mom.

Maybe this could work for your dad. It’s worth a try.

An article from the home page of this website:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-help-with-bathing-and-personal-hygiene-top-tips-from-caregivers-212010.htm