Heck if your brother and his wife want to move in with hubs and I for 200 a month and take care of "things" send him my way! I pay my housekeeper 120 to clean my house once a month! And I assume from your post that that they probably do laundry, manage pills and cook? Maybe take care of the lawn.. or pets? You need to back off and check out prices in the real world
Muffin, think of it this way.... what if you had to move in to take care of your Mother because no one was around to help? Would you help Mom for free? But pay rent to your Mother, and help Mom with her mortgage, real estate taxes, and utilities?
My Dad was a major fall risk, and he hired 3 shifts from a caregiving agency. It was costing Dad $20,000 per month, yes per month for this help. No one lived with Dad as Dad wanted caregivers who worked 8 hours and went home to their own homes for a good night rest. The night shift caregiver was required by the Agency to remain awake through his/her shift.
Eventually my Dad sold his house and used the equity to pay rent on a very nice apartment at a senior complex. He loved it, so many people of his generation to talk with :)
The only people I see as foolish in this are your brother and his wife, unless your mother has multiple millions in assets to pass on some day a few years of "free rent" can never begin compensate them for their lost earnings and reduced future pensions, even if all they've ever given up is minimum wage employment.
Who is paying them the $200, Mom? Thats only $50 a week. Not even spending money. Brother must have money put aside to go away for a month. He can start collecting SS next year. What did brother and Mom agree to when brother moved in? Really, its between them.
If I were you, I would just let it go. If not, its going to make you one miserable person. I think there may be some family dynamics going on here that have been going on for years.
I may be the wrong person to ask. We paid for a lot of crap due to complete irresponsibility of an elder, living in that home at the time. The sibiling sounded quite like you.
First of all your brother and his wife's relationship or agreements are none of your business so you need not comment whether or not she can work. I did some at home work but by all means not a full time job at the time. I was told that I was a mooch, needed a full time job, needed to pay rent and to use the car to go to my 1 client, once a week. I made less than 150 for that one day, paid my Obamacare and phone bill out of it because, I was too proud for Medicaid. So SO, gave me money to get my hair done, clothes, anything I wanted because I was caring for his parents. Well, his brother got in my face and was abusive several times with me because I was a loser how could I have a cigarette, if I could not pay rent. Loser, loser is all I ever heard even though I cleaned up literal s*** but the mom denied.
I remember my birthday one year, SO had bought me a massage and haircut. His brother came, accused me of doing sexual favors for his parent to get it. That ended with my mouth expressing my opinion, a black eye for me and bro who hit me going through a wall. Grand reality is I would have LOVED to work but couldn't.
My advice is if you do not like it, walk in their shoes and see what they really do. For the $200 a month you are complaining about, you sound like a real piece of work. The issue is between you and your sibling, not her and you.
If she is willing to pay that, sure he can. Your Mom is competent to make her own decisions, so basically she can have anyone live with her and pay them anything to do anything. She should be certain she does W2 forms for taxes and has a care plan, perhaps done with her lawyer, deliniating what the brother's jobs are exactly, and that will mean she isn;'t "gifting" money inappropriately which could have dire consequences for her future.
So....it’s okay if him and his wife don’t work? She’s young enough to work. Is it okay that they both live rent free? Is it okay if they do not help out financially? My mother pays everything. Neither one gives money for mortgage pseg water city taxes. My mom does it all. My brother and his wife went away for a month and someone else gave my mom her medication. And my brother still wants the “200”. Maybe I’m missing something. I just don’t see it.
Your original question seems to have left a lot out, there is no need to chide people for not having the whole picture and responding to what you wrote. But regardless of the extra info the way I see it is that since your mother is still able bodied and mentally competent this is between your brother and her, your perspectives/beliefs/desires/opinions don't come in to it.
So while my mom is 84 and paying everything. Not getting help from my brother or his wife. They both do not work. So both just quit jobs and live rent free? My sister in law young enough to work. She’s still in her 40’s. They do not contribute anything to help my mom pay mortgage taxes pseg water. They cook get meals and give her the medication she needs.
In the subject line of your post, you said brother takes care of mom AND do things around the house, now you're saying he and his wife don't do anything. Which is it?
The fact that they are unemployed does NOT matter. If they are performing a service for your mother at her house, then they are employed by your mother, and they have to stay there to do their job. Do you, Muffin, pay rent for the desk or work station or office you're using at work?
Muffin - If brother wasn't around, or there was no brother to speak of, and mom was alone, what would you do? Would you quit your job and move in with mom? How much income would you lose? Would you hire someone to stay with mom? How much would that cost you? That is what brother deserves in payment.
My mother is able to take care of herself. She’s not totally incapacitated. My brother and his wife do not work. And neither one helps my mom with the mortgage, the city taxes, gas and electric or water. They both pay nothing and receive two hundred a month. So do both need to stay home take care of our mother? And his wife is younger than my brother. She’s about 42.
Your question is under taxes so are you asking if it is deductible or what?
Honestly, if someone carried garbage out so the diapers did not break the bag on my foot or even talked to the person in my house, I would gladly hand them $200. I guess it is perspective.
$200 for what? Paying him a decent $15 and hour he'd make that in 13+ hours. That's about 2 PT days.
It's a small enough amt that I can't think it would be an issue with mom's 'estate' but talk to a lawyer if you feel uncomfortable about it.
If mom was paying a handyman to do a few things around the house, she wouldn't need a contract and honestly? $200 is almost insulting. How many hours does he work? What exactly is he doing for mom?
I'm kind of grinding my teeth here-remembering the HUNDREDS if hours of CG time I gave my FIL and was not allowed to be paid a single penny for.
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My Dad was a major fall risk, and he hired 3 shifts from a caregiving agency. It was costing Dad $20,000 per month, yes per month for this help. No one lived with Dad as Dad wanted caregivers who worked 8 hours and went home to their own homes for a good night rest. The night shift caregiver was required by the Agency to remain awake through his/her shift.
Eventually my Dad sold his house and used the equity to pay rent on a very nice apartment at a senior complex. He loved it, so many people of his generation to talk with :)
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If I were you, I would just let it go. If not, its going to make you one miserable person. I think there may be some family dynamics going on here that have been going on for years.
First of all your brother and his wife's relationship or agreements are none of your business so you need not comment whether or not she can work. I did some at home work but by all means not a full time job at the time. I was told that I was a mooch, needed a full time job, needed to pay rent and to use the car to go to my 1 client, once a week. I made less than 150 for that one day, paid my Obamacare and phone bill out of it because, I was too proud for Medicaid. So SO, gave me money to get my hair done, clothes, anything I wanted because I was caring for his parents. Well, his brother got in my face and was abusive several times with me because I was a loser how could I have a cigarette, if I could not pay rent. Loser, loser is all I ever heard even though I cleaned up literal s*** but the mom denied.
I remember my birthday one year, SO had bought me a massage and haircut. His brother came, accused me of doing sexual favors for his parent to get it. That ended with my mouth expressing my opinion, a black eye for me and bro who hit me going through a wall. Grand reality is I would have LOVED to work but couldn't.
My advice is if you do not like it, walk in their shoes and see what they really do. For the $200 a month you are complaining about, you sound like a real piece of work. The issue is between you and your sibling, not her and you.
Based on that agencies would send a nurse at $180 per visit. So if she needs meds once a day, that is $1260 a week or $5460 a month.
Seems to me $200 is a steal on top of other things.
But regardless of the extra info the way I see it is that since your mother is still
able bodied and mentally competent this is between your brother and her, your perspectives/beliefs/desires/opinions don't come in to it.
The fact that they are unemployed does NOT matter. If they are performing a service for your mother at her house, then they are employed by your mother, and they have to stay there to do their job. Do you, Muffin, pay rent for the desk or work station or office you're using at work?
Honestly, if someone carried garbage out so the diapers did not break the bag on my foot or even talked to the person in my house, I would gladly hand them $200. I guess it is perspective.
$200 for what? Paying him a decent $15 and hour he'd make that in 13+ hours. That's about 2 PT days.
It's a small enough amt that I can't think it would be an issue with mom's 'estate' but talk to a lawyer if you feel uncomfortable about it.
If mom was paying a handyman to do a few things around the house, she wouldn't need a contract and honestly? $200 is almost insulting. How many hours does he work? What exactly is he doing for mom?
I'm kind of grinding my teeth here-remembering the HUNDREDS if hours of CG time I gave my FIL and was not allowed to be paid a single penny for.