After a medical emergency landed her in the hospital last May, multiple stays in the hospital and at SNF (she has been diagnosed with everything imaginable, including cancer), a failed attempt at Independent Living last fall which ended with an accidental od of all her meds, the latest SNF has discharged her to Assisted Living in the same facility but on another floor. I'm already pretty emotionally burnt out, and to top it off pretty resentful that she left me with a condemned house (mine that I let her live in rent free for 10 years), 18 cats, 20 years of her things (my mother was a compulsive shopper) and a financial mess. So now, mother refuses to answer the room phone and she refuses to turn on her cell phone. She only calls when she wants something (cigarettes) which always ends in me saying no 100 times and her making me feel like the worst child ever born. I feel so terrible that I can't have the wonderful relationship that we had before all this happened, but then again she is so nasty to me and I am so resentful I am almost relieved when she doesn't answer her phone. We can't visit because of covid-19, so we have very little communication with her. Anybody have suggestions? I'm so depressed by all of this that I can barely get anything done for her at this point.
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I'd just accept that mom is this person now. Don't take her calls. Hang up on her if need be.
Just b/c somebody calls you doesn't mean you have to talk to them. My kids call screen me ALL THE TIME. I leave a message and they either do or don't call me back.
I'd start the cleaning of the house and preparing to sell it.
Some therapy for you to work through these issues wouldn't go amiss. At least you HAD a good relationship at one point. Many of us are struggling with the knowledge that our LO's are going to pass and we won't feel anything.
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I would move on with your own life. If you need counseling to help guide you in moving forward do consider getting that. Sometimes medication for depression help form a bridge you can move over in getting your life ironed out. Your Mom is settled in. She might be "trained a bit" by unpleasant calls ending more quickly than pleasant calls (and she might not). That's worth a try, and work one way or another, in changing her behavior or in getting you the sooner off the phone.Do remember she is dealing with her own depression, especially if she is spending a life on lockdown wanting only to have a smoke.