Is it normal for coworkers to not reach out when someone loses a parent unexpectedly?

People sometimes don't know what to do or say, especially when it's an unexpected death. They don't want to burden you with having to respond, or perhaps they're waiting to hear from someone how you're doing. They probably think you have your hands full right now.

Don't be too hard on them -- death is a tough subject for some people to handle, and this is a very recent occurrence. If your coworkers are good people, you know they're thinking of you. You may get a floral arrangement from them in the next day or so, or they'll reach out now that the weekend is over and they're back at work.

Don't waste energy on being hurt -- it doesn't help you. If you need to talk to someone, reach out yourself. I'm sure there is a willing ear among your friends.

I had a disabled adult coworker who lived with his parents who cared for him. He was in a wheelchair and had to wear a helmet. His father was killed in a car accident and my coworker was off work for some time too. We were told before his return to work he did not want to be asked or commented on it to him. He was quite emotional and could go into a seizure and hit his head. We honored his needs. You don't know what your coworkers may have been told. Don't blame them.

I think it really depends on the kind of relationship that you have with coworkers.

My DH was a 'boss' for a few years and one of the things he HATED was when someone had a death in the family, someone's wife had a baby--anything dealing with 'emotions' just put him in a dither. He just didn't KNOW what to do.

I finally told him he needed to acknowledge losses AND 'gains'. Gave him a name of a good florist and wrote down several kind of generic messages. Told him to have flowers or something equally appropriate sent to the employee involved. Or the new mom--whatever. That helped, and I hope helped him to have some compassion. It's not for lack of caring, it's for lack of KNOWING.

I think also, the younger generation (my kids' ages, 30's & 40's) are just not in to this kind of compassion. It's not a lost art, but seems to be disappearing.

A lovely basket planter or flower arrangement take minutes to order and even in times of stress for the family--is welcome and a kind effort.

If you socialise with your co-workers outside working hours, I’d say that this is unusual. However in a lot of workplaces, all the interactions are actually at work. In that case, I’d expect people to show their sympathy and concern when you go back into the workplace. Don’t be hurt, it doesn’t help anything. As MJ says, you have your hands full right now, look after yourself and your Dad.

I agree that they probably feel you are busy getting things together.

They know you are busy and spending time with family and don't want to intrude.

I’m very sorry to hear of your loss

I am so sorry for your loss, especially since it was unexpected.

It really doesn’t matter though, if a person is ‘old’ or even if the death is expected. I don’t know if we are ever truly prepared for the wave of emotions that we feel after a death.

We all grieve when we lose someone.

We even grieve when we don’t like someone. We grieve for what the relationship could have been.

I do think it can be harder to process our grief when it’s unexpected.

I have had difficulty processing suicides that occurred with a couple of my friends and a few members of my family.

I learned a lot about grief in therapy. Grief is made up of layers. It’s more complex than people realize.

I wish that your coworkers had reached out to you during this difficult time of mourning.

You certainly deserve to hear condolences and receive sympathy cards. These do bring comfort to us.

I am not going to excuse or support their behavior.

Some may not realize how distraught you are, they most likely care for you but haven’t shown it due to various reasons. I am so sorry that condolences were not offered.

They may come forward to express feelings at a later date.

Again, I know this is a devastating loss for you and for what it’s worth, I believe that our loved ones live in our hearts forever.

Your mom knew that you loved her. You can still love her. Love doesn’t die when a person dies.

May your dear mom Rest In Peace. She would understand your pain but after a time she would want you to have happy memories, joy and peace.

I have two perspectives on this. The first: I understand your hurting and wondering why no one is acknowledging your grief at the death of your mother. I had a very similar experience. My mom was 88 when she died unexpectedly, meaning she was not ill, but she was very old. I worked in a large office of 50 people; I had worked there for 10 years. I got the call about her death while I was at work, so my office mates knew about it. I left the office immediately, and when I returned after several days, no one said a word about it to me, no card, no condolences from anyone. I was surprised and hurt over this, because every other Tom, Dick and Harry had sympathy cards passed around for signatures and people asking for donations for flowers, etc. when their relatives died. Second perspective: Someone else's mom died several years later and I approached her after she returned to work after her leave and offered my sympathy and she got very upset, even angry at me for bringing it up because it made her cry. So I guess some people might be scared off if they think you'll be upset.

Please don't think they're not thinking of you. My father died and no-one reached out. I too was upset by it especially since I was very close with a few of my co-workers and they knew my dad was very ill. That said, when I returned to work I had an envelope on my desk with a card from the group. I think people want to give the space needed with family at a difficult time, and they may assume that the last thing you would want is to hear from people at work. Take the time you need. A couple people shared the death of their parents with me in the days after I returned and that was very comforting.