How long can someone go without food and water?

Old post from March. Not certain why so many old posts are showing up, but they seem to be.

Hi my Dad Dementia have progress so bad so now he can’t respond and don’t even know the Family. He have stop eating, they inserted a feeding tube in his stomach. It only work for 2 days, now he is at Hospice they have unhooked everything. He have not ate or had anything to drink in 7 days and all they keep saying is he Actively Dying. Can someone who have experienced this with they Love one! Please help me understand because this is so painful to go through this🙏🏾🙏🏾

My Mom it was two weeks. 6 days after Hospice took over.

We are going through the same with our beautiful mom. It's been over a week since she's drank anything and she beg us to help her and now she just looks at us with the saddest eye's. Lord it hurts so bad. I know you're pain.

Lovemymom
How are you doing? Thinking about you. Big hugs from the forum.

Dear Lovemymom,
Your question is very important. I’m afraid the actual answer is that a person who is at the end of life can linger for several weeks without food or even water.
Most often, this phase is under 10 days, but it can last much longer, possibly 2 to 3 weeks. The answer I was given by my Moms oncologist was 30 days, but that is unusual.
I presume there is no IV fluid being given. Also, you are offering water but she refuses it?
Please keep in mind that after the initial feeling of thirst is gone, there is no desire for water anymore. However, you can moisten the mouth with ice chips, or a moist cloth.
lit is difficult for us to understand this time. When a baby is born, it immediately begins to suckle and that continues every day of our lives.
But now, all of those systems have slowed and stopped. Food and water no longer provide sustenance. There is no desire for food, and the body cannot process it.
A different nourishment is needed now.
” Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God”. Mathew 4:4
Often, people will pray to God to “ take them”. Then, when the end comes they feel guilty, as if that prayer ended someone’s life.
But the downward spiral of death is a process that happens on its own.
You do just what you are doing. Hold her hand. Sing to her. Speak softly to her.
It will hurt. But the most loving thing you can ever do, is to be there for her at this moment.
I know you want it to be quick, sometimes it is, sometimes not.
But when you see her again, she will love you for what you have done for her.
Your Mother must be a fine person because she brought up a beautiful daughter.

My dad is on about 7 days without anything. He kind of looks comotos and all I can do is play old movies and hope he hears them. I constantly kiss his head and hold his hand and tell him what he means to me. The weird breathing is so hard to hear. This is the worst experience of my life.

I just went through this. For my mom, it was only 3-4 days. It was painful to be around. I was her primary caregiver and would struggle between sitting with her and obsessively cleaning my house - a distraction I guess because it was so hard to witness. But I’m grateful I sat with her and held her hand. She and I didn’t talk much in general so it was just about being close for use. I’m sorry. I wish you and your mother weren’t suffering.

Im going through the same with my 84 y.o. mom and was glad to read your post as you were better able to describe this better than i can. My mom hasnt eat/drank in over a week, cant move, talk...but also gives me these long pitiful looks. It is tearing my heart out. We are alone and i dont know what to do for her. I feel just the same as you do.

My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry. We had hospice for both my father and brother. Both of them were very comfortable and peaceful. They were medicated with morphine and Ativan. I am very grateful to God they did not seem to suffer and were at peace until the end. They both looked like they were in a deep sleep and passed in four days. Sending my prayers for your dear mom. Wonderful you are all with your mom at this most difficult time.

Lovemymom, I am so sorry you are going through this. Your mom is 94 with terminal cancer. I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Please call hospice and have them give her morphine. Hug her and tell her you love her. Don’t feel guilty. Hospice will help her. They are wonderful. Hold your moms hand and tell her you love her.

Dear Lovemymommy,
My heart goes out to you. You know your mom better than anyone else. If you look into her eyes what do you see? Ask yourself is this what she wants? Probably not. Sit with her, talk to her, and embrace her. Let her know it’s okay to return to God. When she returns to God know you are a beautiful soul, and letting her go was your last act of devoted love. I shall pray for you and your family. God Bless You, my friend.

If it was my mom I would take her off hospice because she cried for help. We can rationalize or interpret crying "help me" however we want, but she did ask.
I would then get her on IV fluids with electrolytes to hydrate her and a nutritional tube feeding til she can take fluid nutrition on her own. If she still passed on I would then call it natural causes. But I would never deprive her of food and water to hasten her end. Some people are suffering terribly from disease and I might understand if the patient preferred to die of starvation or dehydration. But dehydration causes a fever and racing heart beats because the heart cant function this way of course.
The less a person drinks water, the more lethargic they become until they can't speak or even lift a hand, and can become "catatonic". It doesn't mean they're dying naturally.
I used to work in a psych hospital and we had a young asian patient brought in who couldn't speak or walk or even stand. She was like a wet noodle literally. We sent her to the medical center to be evaluated and it turned out the only thing that was wrong with her was that the medication she was on was so strong for her that it made her forget to drink water and she had become so dehydrated that she wound up in this condition! The hospital put her on an IV fluids and when she was hydrated the next day we came to pick her up and she jumped up, hopped into the wheelchair, fully alert, in good spirits, and chatting away with everyone.
I can't imagine how thirsty your mom must be. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment; being at her age, and imagine your family withholding water and food from you til you are too weak to even speak to beg for it....Anyone's body will begin to shut down eventually if deprived of water and nutrients continuously.
I never knew a whole lot about hospice but is this supposed to be a routine thing that hospice does? To with-hold food and water from a patient? I honestly would like to know!
All I know is the less you eat the less you want to eat. If you fast for three days your appetite will completely go away.
I know because I fast to lose weight when I need to, and that's how I keep my appetite in check. But I always drink plenty of water when I fast. Water flushes out the toxins and enables our blood to circulate to our organs, brain, heart.. helps keep our digestive tract moving along.. Water itself, pure water.. is in fact a great healer..
This is just my opinion and it might conflict with your hospice's philosophy perhaps, but I would never do this to my mom to withhold food and water till her body could not survive any longer.
If some disease overtook her, and there was no cure or treatment, I still would never withhold food and water!
I think changing one's mind about hospice is not so uncommon. People take their lived ones off it at times, sometimes put them back on.. It is not a crime to consider reviving your mom with fluids and liquid nutrition, then see what she has to say about it when she regains her strength and tells you what she truly wants, especially after such an experience.
Just my opinion for what it's worth.
My thoughts come from a compassionate and caring place in my heart. I think this must be agonizing as described and my heart goes out to you both. I think it doesn't have to be this way.

When my father had hospice and my mother had end of life care at the hospital, they were given morphine. It helped them tremendously.

Even miniscule amounts of water can prolong things, but if there has been NO fluids for 9 days and no foods, I am shocked that your Mom is still alive. I am hoping you have hospice. They would be the ones to ask about how close you are to the end. I myself have not witnessed anyone ever making it farther than 8 days without fluids and food. With fluids, even small amounts, it is often a month. I honestly am so very sorry.

I'm sure you probably know this, but I'm putting it out there just in case-
One major comfort, even when she cannot drink, is to keep the mouth moistened. Keep very soft lip balm (or vaseline) by the bedside and dab it on her frequently.
Gently wipe/exfoliate the old lip balm off her lips before applying new as it tends to glom up in the corners over time.
Also get some of the flavored glycerine mouth swabs and frequently swab all around inside her mouth. A severely dry mouth and cracked lips is added misery and is mostly avoidable.

Forgot to answer ur question. For my Mom it was 2 weeks. But the spirit can be strong.

Just want to give a heads up on DNRs. Hospice usually requires one. It is suppose to be in plain view, like on the fridge, so if EMTs are called the copy goes with them to the Hospital. If its a hospital u frequent, then a copy should be on file there. The facility you are in and your PCP should have a copy.

I just looked at a copy of a POLST on the internet. This is now what NJ requires in the facilities Mom was in ( AL, NH, rehab, Hospital). In each one a doctor had to sign off. They no longer use the old DNR form. If this is used, again, it needs to be in view for EMTs. Otherwise, they will resuscitate.

Only God knows the day and time that He will call your mom home. It is heartbreaking to watch, this I know. My husband went 41 days without food, and over 25 days without any drink. Everyone is different in their dying journey, but don't forget that hearing is the last sense to go, so even though your mom can no longer speak, she can still hear you. I do hope too that you have hospice involved, as they can answer any questions you might have and be able to give you and your mom the support you need during this transitional time. God bless you.

First I do hope you have Hospice helping you.
Just know she is not feeling hunger as you or I would. Her body does not need food as nutrition like ours does.
Her "help me" could mean many things. And she may not have even been talking to you or anyone visible in the room. Those words may have been the easiest thing for her brain to put together at the time.
As I have said here many times I realized the tears that I cried for my Husband were selfish ones. The tears were for me. I was the one loosing him. For me to want him to remain would have not been fair to him, there is no way he would have wanted to remain the shell that he was.
Hold mom's hand. Tell her that you will miss her but that you and everyone else will be alright. Thank her for what she taught you.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. This was the hardest thing to watch with my mom. She had ALS and her living will stipulated no food and water. She suffered terribly and begged the doctors for water at the end.

She had a DNR, and her heart stopped in her home while I was singing to her. That would have been how she wanted to go. But my brother who had the DNR was nowhere to be found and my siblings told the paramedics to resuscitate her.

my brother did finally show up with her end of life paperwork. So she didn’t die in her home, she died slowly in a hospital with no food or water.

I will never do that to my kids. I will stipulate no resuscitation but not withholding food or water. If I don’t want to eat or drink, that’s one thing, but she was begging. Just awful.