What to do when visiting parent in memory care?

I would advise to play calming music on your phone or songs with words that she will recognize from her younger days. It is amazing how people that no longer know most everything still remember music from the past and maybe even the words. There was a lady in my Moms memory home that did not speak but when some songs were played she started singing and was not only in tune but remembered the words.

My husband loves watching and hearing the Lawrence Welk show on PBS. I record the shows and play them at least every other day. He doesn’t even know if it’s a repeat from a prior day or a 1/2 hour before. The songs/words he remembers is amazing. I even see him tapping on his knee in time to the music and he doesn’t have any musical background. It gives him joy and gives me the same as well as time to catch my breath or get other things done.

There were years I was a volunteer clown for nursing homes and hospitals. I will never forget how well received I was as when I went to each resident in memory care, mostly non verbal, as we did what I called chair dancing. As the music played, I went to each one, taking their hands in mine and swayed back and forth to the music with each one of them. It brought so many smiles to folks that had not smiled or responded in sometime. Best is to get at their eye level. Sitting in a chair facing them saves your back.

Shorter visits can be fine. They have no concept of time. Holding their hand can be very comforting to many. Sitting quietly with no words said. Having a small soft lap blanket for the patient to touch, pet, cuddle is special.

Hope this is of help as we journey through this together.❤️💜

Music from the time they were teenagers seems to hang on in the memory. Try playing music he/she liked. Try singing or dancing together. Shows photo album with pictures from his/her earlier years and name the people in the photos. Try rubbing scented lotion on hands and arms - dry skin is always a problem. Make the treats very small - a single mini muffin or cupcake, a snack size candy bar... Bring flowers for them to smell - even if you have to take the flowers back home. Basically, try stimulating all their senses: touch, smell, sight, and sound, taste. The oldest memories are the ones they hold onto the longest. He/She may not remember who you are but they will remember that you cared enough to visit.

All the previous posts are great ideas. Stuffed animals, baby dolls, family pictures, music, etc. Load some music apps on your phone and find music of her generation- 40s, 50s , big bands, Sinatra, etc. In my wife's late stages, I would always talk about family and reminisce. Always a monologue on my part but she knew I was there.

Keep your visits short and responsive to the person. If it comes down to simply sitting next to the elder, allow that. Try stuffed animals. Often they like dolls to dress if they are women. Picture books and magazines are fine. Don't expect to get their attention. And as I said, short visits. And no need to make them very frequent when there is little knowledge, response, memory.

I used to allow about an hour for each visit for my mom in the NH; she had dementia.

I would bring a treat (a latte and something chocolate-y). I would come with about 45 minutes worth of "material"--stories about family, friends, pictures from Facebook, sometimes embellished anecdotes, work stuff. I would do her finger nails and shave her chin hair with a portable, battery operated thingie.

I did this every week for about 3 years (the NH she was in was about 2 hours away); at the end, I cut back to every two weeks. When the weather was good, we went outside and sat by the lake for my recitation of "material".

I was never good at this; it was heart-wrenching and uncomfortable.

I visited my Mom no more than 30 min. But, I was 5 min down the street. It was, like u say, more of a check in. I still did her laundry so I would hang it up. Bring her Depends and any other personal stuff she needed. No snacks, they get plenty of food there. Always a birthday party or holiday celebration.

My daughter worked NHs and ALs for 20 yrs. She says you don't have to visit all the time. With your history once a week would be fine.

You don't have to visit frequently and you don't have to stay long.

My granny didn't have a clue what was going on with reality, so we would walk to the dining room, share a coke, walk in the garden and play a little catch with a stuffed animal and change her baby dolls clothing. That all took less than a half hour because they have no attention span. Do what you are comfortable with.

Maybe bring treats for the staff, this will go a long ways in showing how much you appreciate the care they give even when you are not present frequently, walk a little bit with mom and head out.

My dads facility loved homemade goodies and fresh foods. Something that is easy to grab and go was popular. A dollar store card telling the staff that you appreciate them and all their hard work is a great addition to those homemade cupcakes or cookies, maybe a nice fruit platter with toothpicks in the fruit to grab and go.

You are doing a very nice thing by showing up. It is okay if it is on a schedule that works for you.

I think a lot of folks have a hard time visiting their LO in memory care, especially once they become nonverbal. I think it's still nice that you at least want to check on them to make sure that they're being well taken care of. That shows that even if you didn't have the best of relationships with them, that you at least still care.
You don't have to stay long, maybe just 30-45 minutes, and maybe you can try bringing along some of your LO's favorite music, as music has proven to be very powerful with those suffering from any of the dementias. There have been instances where a nonverbal person has started singing when they heard music that they were familiar with. Certainly worth giving it a try. Best wishes.