Anyone else trying to navigate the roles of both child and caregiver?

Its more difficult if the parent is OK cognitively. It would be so nice if they realized that they are stressing their children out by being stubborn. Instead of realizing that they are aging and need help.

When Dementia is involved our roles reverse. We now are the adult and the parent the child. Its no longer what they want but what they need. We can no longer be a child. We have to be the decision maker. And they will take their anger out on us.

I am currently struggling with my 82 year old father with dementia. I try to take care of him. Offer help, advice, suggestions, take his car keys (we got into an argument. I told him I’m liable for him since he lives in our guest house. He said of course you aren’t! He refused to give me the keys. He said that’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. He finally gave them up but I didn’t realize he has a spare). It basically comes down to he not feeling I have any authority. He’s the parent and I’m the child and he refuses to let me do anything for him, even though he’s at the point he really needs help.

Oh yes, I cared for my parents. My dad is deceased. Mom lived with me for 15 years.

She is 95 and is now receiving hospice care in a facility. She has advanced Parkinson’s disease.

There are many people on this forum that are currently caregivers or have cared for their parents either at home or as advocates while their parents are in a facility.

I can tell you that caregiving was the toughest job that I ever had. It is physically and emotionally draining. I lived in a state of exhaustion.

Of course, we struggle to remain daughters but there is a role reversal in caregiving.

We look after them. They become our responsibility but they still wish to be our parent. It’s quite a change in family dynamics.

Stick around for additional answers.

Welcome to the forum! Vent all you like or just chat.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

This is extremely common. I can still remember my Mom in her last weeks, when all was such a struggle to her saying "Don't talk to me like a nurse". This would be almost impossible to avoid. The parent does become more the child, and the child more the parent at BEST and with caregiving it is acute, and troublesome to both parties involved. You will hear over and over again on Forum the plea of "I just want to be his wife again, and not his caregiver" or "I just want to be her child again, and not her caregiver". This is a difficult path, but a common one for all caregivers to negotiate the best they can.
The changing roles are hard at any age. I still saw elders with a parent being in 90s and a child in 70s and the parent still "acting like a parent".
We do move from roles and struggle with roles all our lives. I still remember seeing one day, in the sunshine, the small lines forming at the out edges of my daughter's eyes, realizing her age in the 50s and thinking "I guess I have to understand my girl is all grown up now" with a bit of inner laughter.
This is but one more stage in life to do our best with. And not an easy one.