Father has been given a year to live. Conversations are awkward, both frivolous and devastating. How does one talk with the dying?

When my dad was dying I let him lead many conversations. What he wanted to talk about, we discussed. He enjoyed remembering old experiences and people he’d known. Though there wasn’t dementia, I listened to many of the same stories over and over. It gave him comfort and it wasn’t asking too much for someone to listen. I wish you peace on this road, it’s so hard

Read 'Proof of Heaven' with him, by Dr. Eben Alexander, a neurosurgeon who had a near death experience and speaks of the afterlife with SUCH loving and awe inspiring gusto, that he helps removes the fear of death quite dramatically.

Good luck!

We are all dying bit by bit, day by day.
The difference is we have not had a doctor say you have XX amount of time.
Should a date matter?
The answer should be no.
Talk to him as you have always talked to him. If you have not been close now is the time to mend fences if they need to be. Talk about things you want to do, what he wants to do. Do them if you can.
Yes talk about Last Wishes, what he wants done as far as treatment if he wants anything done. Ask if he wants Hospice now or later. (he would qualify at this point I would imagine)
After that conversation talk about baseball, travel, play card games. Learn from him. Start getting family history down who were his parents, grandparents, where did they come from how and why? Read books or listen to books on tape.
OH, if his bed is in a bedroom and it is out of the way..move his bed to a room where there is more activity if he wants it moved. Still feeling like you are part of the family is important. Yes you will have a bed in the dining room,. living room or wherever but he is still family.
Oh another thing...don't talk politics

There is a book by Don Piper “90 Minutes in Heaven” that I read about his death and then being brought back to life. It gave such a wonderful picture of life when we die and go to Heaven. Even for a nonbeliever, it might give them another perspective to think about.

You are focused on your own fears of dying rather than your father's needs. Have a conversation with him, make sure he understands and then get back to normal. If decisions must be made that involve him, bring them up matter of factor, find out what needs to be done and do it. There’s no reason to constantly talk about dying but you must allow him to talk about it and process it if he wants to. Follow his lead. Through this process, you may find yourself better able to face your own fears of dying. We are all going to do it; that’s for sure.

I just spoke with my sister like always. She appreciated that I treated her like she was still living when others coddled her and treated her like she was already gone.

People got upset that I gave her a hard time and joked with her but, she loved it and thanked me many times for just treating her like her.

Rejoice that you have so much time to continue to share with him. Don't waste energy on the future, none of us knows if we will be here tomorrow, so embrace today and just love him and treat him like you always have. (Assuming that you have a good relationship. ) if you don't, now is the time to make things right, offer and ask for forgiveness and let bye gones be bye gone.

Oh and enjoy some good food together with dessert first.

I remember a handful of times I had alone with my father when he was facing death. I let him know how much he mattered to me; how much I appreciated and loved him. I brought up a few topics that were important to me, and he did the same. We talked about spiritual things, and how he knew his life was coming to a close. I believe he'd accepted it. Dad asked me to do a few small things for him, which I was happy to do. Sometimes we didn't even talk at all. It was sweet. It was peaceful. In the following couple of weeks Dad experienced a period of delirium. When he came out of it, he was never quite the same. And then he passed. I am so thankful we had those talks when he was lucid!

I let my father lead the conversation during the time we had left with each other.

We spoke about the things we normally talked about.

Sometimes we didn’t speak. He was content with me just sitting beside him.

The will to live is very strong but I have found when people begin to suffer due to their health issues they grow very tired and look forward to the end of life.

My mother has been on hospice for almost 2 yrs now. She has no expiration date according to her. Everything is in the present and the future. She is still planning on voting in the next election in 2024! We talk about her next month’s grocery list, the flower garden that she has outside her window, the state of her cousin’s health (who is her age - 95 yrs old!), and what’s on TV, her books that she listens to on tape, and once in a while our loved ones that have passed over. She has end stage chf, invasive squamous cell carcinoma, a pace maker battery that is worn out (its 11 yrs old), and the latest - Aggressive Inflammatory Breast cancer and her tumors are leaking. And she’s still managing in her own home! She will never talk about death. She will never go there - even with the spiritual advisor from her wonderful hospice team. I don’t know how she feels about death. She has no plans now for death. She is still very present.

Some of the best times I had with my daddy were as he was actively dying.

Believing firmly in a life after this one, we were able to talk frankly about life, what we'd been through, what we still had, and there was no frivolity (other than RoadRunner cartoons, which he LOVED).

One thing that meant A LOT to me was the 'closure' I received from daddy as I was finally able to talk with him about the years and years of abuse my OB inflicted on me. Daddy cried and felt so bad--but he KNEW and belived me (Something mother has never done) and I needed that, from one of my parents. Daddy apologized for not protecting me--but really? what could he have done? I never talked about it until I was in my 30's.

I didn't need to console dad. He knew where he was going and who was waiting for him. And frankly, dying of Parkinson's is a horrible way to go. He was so grateful to be going home.