My father recently died and I keep wondering if there was something I could have done to save him. How do I deal with this feeling?

You are an awesome daughter. You did everything you could do . It was in Gods hands . I went through the same thing with both my parents.

Agree with others here. Your Dad wasn’t comfortable interacting with others, and it sounds like he was able to make his own health care decisions. He chose to avoid the discussion with you. Nothing you can do about that. You did the best you could under those circumstances, and did your best to ease his end. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.

I’m sorry for your loss. My dad died last summer while on hospice care. He’d coped so long with failing health and simply had enough. Your dad sounds similar. He knew something was quite wrong and avoided treatment, if treatment would even have worked. We have to let our loved ones go when they don’t have the desire to be here longer, suffering with conditions that have exhausted them. This can’t be on you, it was what was going to happen. Maybe talking this out with a therapist could be helpful. I wish you peace in knowing you were a loving, caring daughter, all that could be asked for or expected

I am so sorry. My own Dad made the same decision. He included me and my Mom on his decision. His doctor said "Fred, the low H&H means something is going on. You are in your mid 90s. Let me ask you, if the tests tell us WHAT is going on, would you want treatment for it" and my Dad said he would not. The doctors then said "Then it makes no sense for us to explore the reasons for this. You will become more and more weak. Your wife is willing to caregive in the home, and your daughter is supportive."
Some time later, my Dad, who told me he was very tired and very ready to go, sat in his easy chair watching TV with Mom (Larry King Live Monica Lewinsky interview) and took a breath and was gone.
Was there "something that could have been done?" Perhaps. But why? And what torturous treatments for what number of months at what cost to do something he did not want? I will forever be grateful for their acceptance that all our lives are going to the same end.
This was, for my Dad, palliative care in a time when it didn't exist. I am forever grateful for this doctor. I wish you healing and wonderful memories of your Dad who will always be with you.

Your father was a grown man, and he made his own decisions regarding his health care or lack thereof. You could not have done anything different, so please don't waste your time with the should haves and could haves. That will get you nowhere fast. When it is our time to go, it's our time to go. Period.
Your father would not want you feeling bad over any of this, so instead try and remember the many good times you had with him, and allow yourself time to grieve, without any of the other G word(guilt).
May the Lord above give you peace and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead.

In life we sometimes have regrets. What we have to remember is that we aren’t in control of life. Especially not someone else’s life. Sometimes not even our own.
Each decision gets us to where we are today. Sounds very simplistic. It is and it’s true.
About the only way we can escape loss is to not engage. But that seems the largest loss of all.
You were there. You helped him play out his life. You made offers of assistance. I always think I could have done more even when I’m exhausted. Your dad could have done more as well. As is often the case, the one we are most concerned about is not the one who goes first. We feel cheated. Like they slipped away before we were ready to say goodbye. It is hard. You sound like a wonderful daughter who bore witness to your fathers last days as much as he would allow.
Another thing I wanted to say that comes to mind is that sometimes we can be near the end and we just don’t know it. We don’t feel that bad or that Ill or that uncomfortable and it gets past us. Like the person who has dangerous blood pressure but doesn’t know it until the terrible stroke. “silent killer”.
My husband rode around trying to decide which ER he wanted to go to after having a heart attack. It didn’t hurt like he thought it should if it were really serious.
I allowed myself to get dehydrated and spent a week in hospital during a Covid surge. I was just tired I thought. I’d never been dehydrated before.
We just don’t realize how near catastrophe we are sometimes. It certainly is no ones fault. Poor decision making perhaps. Regardless your dads thinking had probably gotten fuzzy with his blood issues. He was no longer able to be his best advocate. But as you say, his day to day was pretty normal for him.
I am so sorry. He was loved and you miss him and that’s normal. You wouldn’t want it otherwise. It’s extremely early days to feel anything other than a great loss. To lose a loved one is an assault. It’s no ones fault. It’s life and it’s messy. You will feel better. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t second guess yourself. It was out of your hands. He lived a longer than average life. It was his time. Hugs to you and your mom.

I totally agree with Lealonnie. There wasn’t anything else that you could have done to save him.

If he was admitted to a hospice house, he was where he was supposed to be.

Your dad knew that you loved both he and your mom.

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. You are grieving for him. May he Rest In Peace. He would want you to be at peace too.

You cannot force a person to get medical treatment or tests they refuse to get. We are all responsible for ourselves, and I think you know that. Your father lived life on his terms, and made decisions that determined his final days in this life. You did all you could have done, especially in the middle of a pandemic which complicated life and healthcare decisions for everyone.

Try to be at peace with yourself knowing you were a wonderful daughter. Your dad is at peace now. Remember him when he was healthy and happy, so you can begin the healing process. My condolences for your loss.

All the best.