How do I deal with elder care as a senior in high school?

Crystal,
This is a lot for anyone to handle. My son is also a senior in high school and I understand the pressure. I don’t have any answers, but I am placing your name in my prayer journal for daily prayer. My heart breaks for you. My eyes are full of tears as I type this post. As someone posted, please reach out to a trusted adult to help you navigate all of this.
Warmly,
Sunnydayze

Igloo,

She definitely needs help for grandma.

If the granddaughter needs housing, do you think that she would qualify for our Unity program? Another wonderful resource for New Orleans residents.

I’m not sure of the stipulations for Unity.

I am not sure what the cut off age is for Covenant House. Is is 18 or 21?

I know Children’s sees kids until they are 21. The services are terrific. A friend’s son continued to see them for his diabetes until 21. I know someone else that continued to see the neurologist there for his autism until 21.

Childrens Hospital has counseling services but you might be aged out of being able to utilize what they offer. Jenny Watts used to head up their program in the past, she may still be there. I’d suggest that you call to see if perhaps they can advise you if they could help or what other options are out there. There's also Jewish Family Services, which is a great resource and available for all; they are out in Metry by East Jeff. JFC also has a whole senior outreach program as well, so they might be a better fit as can deal with both you and the myriad of needs that the grands will be needing once you go away for school.

Tulane has a “Drop In Center”, Mary Elizabeth Wilkes head up their counseling program. It is similar to Covenant House in that it’s for kids in crisis and like Covenant is oriented to kids that are at risk as homeless &/or transient. They both provide a place for you to stay 24/7 rather than be on the street. Covenant House gets a lot of the Quarter gutter punks while Tulane gets more kids from neighborhoods/ wards. (Old boyfriend has a home on 1000 blk in the FQ by N Rampart, we’d get to experience the CH kids on a regular basis, was overwhelmingly homeless sketchy street flowers / hustlers). Homeless doesn’t sound like that is your situation, so maybe JFS may be a better fit.

So your dealing with the applications and FAFSA all on your own? Omg that’s amazing! Your a warrior! Are you applying for any that do “the Common”? If not, perhaps consider applying to ones in that system as a lot have suspended fees for next years admissions and they have lots of smaller schools that still have scholarship $. Good luck to you & I hope you start getting lots of big fat envelopes.

Get in touch with Covenant House. They are a wonderful organization here in New Orleans that helps youth in crisis. They are at 611 N. Rampart St. (504) 584-1111

They are open 24 hours a day.

The inability to deal with noise is one of the worst aspects of PTSD, in my experience with it. I was unable to hear kitchen cabinet doors closing without flinching, that's how bad my startle reflex was when I was afflicted with PTSD. I wore earplugs in the house to soften the sounds of the noise; I just wanted to share that tidbit with you, in case it might help you. Paxil also helped me TREMENDOUSLY; it was as if someone had flipped off a switch in my brain and I was finally able to function again, after many months of not being able to sleep, eat, or basically function.

You've gotten some good advice here from the others; I just wanted to add in my comment about dealing with the noise issue.

Wishing you good luck and Godspeed as you try to navigate a VERY difficult situation you shouldn't have to be dealing with in the first place. Sending you a hug and a prayer

Crystall,

Speak to any trusted adult about your situation. Someone will point you in the right direction.

We care and would love for you to keep us posted.

Hoping that you will have a bright future with everything you have always dreamed of. You deserve it!

You know, I find this thread so interesting.

I would classify this as abuse. I never told this story before on the forum.

I adored my grandmother, very, very much but like all parents she made some mistakes too.

Overall, she was an exceptional mother to my mom and a wonderful grandmother to me.

When my mom was 14, my grandmother sent her to care for my grandpa’s sister who was dying with cancer. it was devastating for my mom to have to do that.

Well, as a teenager I used to volunteer at Children’s hospital.

I would come home crying, but I still loved going.

I would bake cupcakes for them.

I shot hoops with the kids. I hung out with kids of all ages, toddlers to teens.

This was on the weekends. I became friendly with one of the nurses when she thanked my friends and I for volunteering at the hospital.

I asked this nurse if I could volunteer over the summer because I fell in love with some of the kids. She said that they would love for me to volunteer.

I asked my mom if I could. She told me no. I was upset. I asked her why. She said because I cried when I got home. I explained that I still wanted to go because some of them had no visitors and even though it was sad I still enjoyed being with them.

I couldn’t change her mind so I let it go.

So, then I asked if I could be a candy striper in the hospital. Again, she said no. I asked her why. She said that she didn’t want me emptying bed pans. She was so afraid that I would have to repeat what she had done, taking care of her aunt until she died. It was an awful experience for her. I didn’t know what to think when she told me that she had cared for her aunt when she was dying.

I told her candy stripers did not empty bed pans but she never wanted me to be around a hospital.

Isn’t it ironic that I took care of mom for so many years?

I don’t think any young person should be caring for anyone in very bad health. It’s hard enough for adults.

Plus, in some cases it changes the dynamics of the relationship drastically. Once that happens, it’s hard to find a healthy balance again.

It is time to have your therapist help you with contact with social workers for placement of your grandmother. No 18 year old should be sacrificing the beginning of her own life to an elder. This is nothing to feel guilty about. The other G word is the correct one--GRIEF. It is sad that your grandmother is needy. The State will help her find the best care for her assets and get her set up with conservator to oversee her placement and care. You will provide visits and love. And make your own life.

Do you still have a social worker? You need to be in contact with your local Council on Aging, the Alzheimer's Association (alz.org), or even call the non-emergency phone number to your local police department and ask for a welfare check. They'll send someone out there to check in on you, and they should be able to guide you to the resources you need.

You need to talk to the School Psychologist. No one your age should be responsible for this kind of care. Even an adult older than you would have a problem. There are resources out there to care for Grandma.

Hugs and welcome, Crystall. We have members in your area who may have the inside track on what's available to help you; meanwhile, look up your nearest Area Agency on Aging and see what it says about support for family caregivers.

You're 18 years old. You owe your grandparents gratitude and love, but you don't owe them your future. It was to protect that that they gave you so much care, remember? Sit tight, there will be lots more advice along shortly.