My husband and I just got married. I am 31 and he’s 65. We have a two-year-old daughter together. Does anyone know the answer to this?

Rachael90, here is something not many people think about until they need it... health insurance.

Since your hubby is 65, he probably is either on Medicare or coming close to being on Medicare. Medicare will become his health insurance and only for him. Make sure you and your daughter have some type of health insurance, either through employment if you are working, or through some health insurance program.

Get your wills and POA's re-written asap to protect you and your daughter. That is my main advice to you. I am not in your position but I did marry an older man and I retired early to spend time with him in his retirement. Be SURE he adequately provides for you and your child should anything happen to him. I wish you luck!

Oh goodness. I don't want to be snotty but I do honestly think your first question is one you ought to have asked before you began to contribute to mortgage repayments, don't you? Have you discussed this important point with your husband? Are you making payments to the mortgage provider, or giving your husband money which nominally represents a contribution?

And no you don't automatically become POA. And indeed he may not wish to give you POA, and you may not wish to give him POA - by the time yours is wanted, your child may be old enough to be a better bet. Does your husband have children by his first wife?

But in any case the two of you have a small child. Yes you should both of you get springing DPOA and wills properly drawn up, in case. (Everyone knows they should get this done. I think it's about 1 in 3 who actually do get round to it, and mea culpa - my LPA forms are still in my desk).

Your local library probably has some good resources on financial and legal topics that will help you ask educated questions when you get to the lawyer to update the paperwork.

Anyone who has a child or gets married should review their POA paperwork and estate planning, including beneficiary designations. So don't forget to get your paperwork done too. At the very least, both of you need wills designating guardianship of your daughter if neither of you could care for her. Doing yours too may make it easier to discuss with your husband.

Note that SS has its own paperwork so they won't want to take the POA even if you have one.

On a related topic:
There are a number of child and family benefits for those drawing on Social Security, which may need to be balanced against possible survivor benefits as part of his estate planning. So if he hasn't claimed already, it could be a good idea to have an expert run through the options with you both so he can make the best filing decision for the family. If he claimed before your daughter was born, you'd want to make sure the record was updated, so child and family benefits are added.

Wishing you both good health. In 11 years, which will go by fast, you will be raising a teenager and taking care of an 76 y.o. man who hopefully still is healthy and active.

To answer your question, when it comes to real estate, the rule is if it's not in writing, it doesn't exist. So, if your name is not on the title of the house, you are not the owner.

Being married doesn't mean you're his POA automatically. He or you can choose anyone or no one to be your POA. It's good to get that on paper as well.

You are only "entitled" to it if and when he puts your name on the title/deed to the property.
You are not automatically POA although you are his wife so many decisions you make will be respected UNLESS he has advance directives that contradict instructions you make.
You really should see a lawyer. An Elder Care Attorney would be nice but not necessary.

(I was married to my Husband for over 32 years, I paid all the bills, the taxes and when the house had to be sold I was not able to use the $$ to pay down the mortgage on the house I bought (bought a handicap accessible house to care for him) I had to "charge him rent" and other items he "paid for" and I could deduct the money from his account. All because my name was not hon the title to the house. (It had been in his family for over 80 years., no mortgage) By the time all this happened he had dementia and was not competent I was made his Guardian. Would not wish that process on anyone!)

I know that Louisiana is a community property state. So assets are shared. Still, if there are prenups involved the wife can still be left out in the cold.

Things can become complicated in marriages.

Our laws did change awhile back. Louisiana used to have forced heirship laws. That is no longer the case. Adult children no longer automatically inherit their parents property.

If I didn’t need money for health care then of course I would want my children to have any money or property.

One never knows what the future holds for us. Assisted living or memory care is very expensive.

I have known parents that left money to their grandchildren but left nothing to their adult children. It’s their money and their business.

I like that the laws were changed in Louisiana. I don’t think parents should be forced to leave an inheritance (if there is anything) to the adult children.

Oh my gosh, many years ago there were situations here that when a spouse died, some adult children would legally force the surviving spouse to sell so they could get their inheritance. That’s crazy!

I realize that it may seem uncomfortable but it’s smart to discuss these things before marriage.

Especially in a second marriage, as I said in an earlier post, I know a man that his grown daughters asked their dad to put their names in his will to inherit his expensive condo in a prime location! His live in girlfriend that he may marry one day knows nothing about his will. I wonder if it would make a difference to her. Maybe it would or maybe not. She has a good job and is financially comfortable.

BarbBrooklyn wrote (and others also addressed the issue of ownership):

"If you are not named on the deed to the house, you have no 'right' to it, despite making mortgage payments. "

Others have also asked whether he has children by someone else.

I don't wish to be an alarmist, but I think you should consider some issues if he does have other children already.

1.    Unless a new deed is executed by which he deeds title to you and himself, so that you're joint owners with rights of survivorship, you won't have any rights in the home (unless you live in a community property state, but I'm not familiar enough with those issues to offer an informed opinion.)

What if he becomes ill, has a stroke or becomes incapacitated?   If there are other children, they may want to move into his house, or take it over, and may advise you and your child to move out.    That would be quite a drastic and unpleasant situation.

2.   Being "POA" doesn't give you the right to make medical decisions.  For that you need a separate document, either a Living Will, or a Medical POA.    (Has he executed any documents to this effect?)  Again, if he becomes ill or incapacitated, and you have no legal authority, you may end up in a standoff with any existing children over health care decision making.

3. Others have advised seeing an attorney.  I concur, but I would also see one for you and your child, to ensure that you know what your existing and future rights are.

JoAnn,

You are correct about children from first marriages. It can become an issue.

I know someone that has divorced her husband many years ago. They had four children together.

The wife had no interest in remarrying and is happy being without a mate. She has the home they raised their family in. It’s a big house.

The husband started dating after the divorce and has a girlfriend and may possibly marry again. Who knows?

Anyway, two of their children went to their dad and asked him to put their name in his will to inherit his condo that he bought. He did it.

The daughter’s names are in his will to inherit the condo where he and his girlfriend live. His girlfriend knows nothing about the contents his will.

No, because you pay the Mortgage does not make you an owner. You must be placed on the deed. No, ur not automatically his POA. He needs to assign you. And if he has kids, it needs to be you not one of them. Lots of posts on this forum where the children of a former marriage have POA and literally leave the second wife out in the cold when the husband needs care.

You need to protect yourself and your child. Both you and husband should see a lawyer about how you can be protected.

Dear Rachel, you are 34 years younger than your new husband aged 65. It’s good to look at reality. I’m sure you love him, and find him very attractive. Many men of that age really are very attractive (and particular to younger students). They are well established, you have so much respect for them, and there are great things that you can do together.

The simple fact is that when you are 65, like he is now, he will be 97 and very old indeed. When you are 55 and looking forward to an enjoyable retirement, he will be 87 and it’s a different deal. Add into that, your 2 year old daughter, plus any children he already has, and it becomes really complicated.

I hope that you have a rewarding marriage, and that nothing stops that from happening. I think that it would help if you see a counselor (and this is not something I usually favour) to help you think through the coming years. You want to maintain a happy marriage, but also to make yourself happy as an individual. You can't be happy if you don't think it through long term. Love doesn't conquer all.

Does he have children from his first marriage?

If so, they could become a problem for you.

I suppose that you are asking because you don’t live in a community property state.

I would want to be POA if I were his wife, especially if he has children from his first wife.

Are you asking for future reference or does your husband have health issues?

Have you spoken with an attorney at all about anything since you didn’t sign a prenup?

I am not saying that this will happen but there have been men (wealthy men) whose wives have cared for them until their last breath and their husbands left them, nothing, zip, zilch, nada!

Accidents happen too. I don’t want to sound morbid but an accident can happen to anyone at anytime.

I don’t blame you for questioning your circumstances. It’s better to be prepared. Did you discuss any of this before marriage?

Best of luck to you.

No prenups? Uh oh,

Rachel, are you financially independent?

If you are not named on the deed to the house, you have no "right" to it, despite making mortgage payments.

Marriages often founder because of differing assumptions about money and spending and because of different levels of financial knowledge and independence.

Consider educating yourself about finances (any book by Jane Bryant Quinn will do) or go to www.bogleheads.org.

Geaton: posters husbands first wife is deceased.

Rachael90, this can become really complex, especially if your hubby has grown children from his prior marriage. Laws vary from State to State.

May I make a suggestion, both you and hubby sell the house and move to a newer home that is yours together, because hubby's house has a lot of memories of his wife. Furniture both had picked out, paintings, holiday gatherings, etc.

When it comes to the Deed of the house, it doesn't matter who is paying the mortgage. Deed and the mortgage are two separate things. On the mortgage hubby would be listed but maybe not his late wife. Depends what was the culture thing to do at that time in your area. I have seen Deeds where only the husband's name is listed.

As others here had suggested, best to set up an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney to help make new legal documents, including a new Power of Attorney. If hubby has grown children, chances are one of them had been named Power of Attorney.

Please don't let him stall in getting the PoA in place and creating some sort of trust or financial protection for you and your daughter. Insist on getting it done through an experienced attorney. In most cases at this appointment you will not be invited into the room with him and the attorney. This is so the attorney can protect him from being "pressured" into creating a PoA or pressured into making a certain person his PoA. So he may come out of that meeting and you do not assume YOU are his PoA... if he has kids from a prior marriage it could be any of them or his ex-wife (I've read these stories on this forum -- it happens!) You should make it clear that if you are not his PoA, then you will be not be providing his daily care when he needs it. The PoA will be (should be) doing that. FYI due to your age difference he should probably not be YOUR PoA... you should choose someone close in age or younger than yourself. Then review this paperwork every 5 years -- as you age you develop different relationships and gain wisdom so you may want to change your PoA to someone who is more appropriate in your eyes.

Step-families are fraught with complicated relationships, especially once one of the parents becomes ill or passes -- then the claws all come out. Please protect yourself and daughter by going with your husband to a consultation with an elder law/estate planning attorney. Make sure you have air-tight financial support. When my FIL passed but his wife was still youngish and healthy, my adult brothers-in-law somehow were "expecting" an inheritance from him at that time. We had to explain to them that he created an estate so that his 2nd wife would be cared for financially. They were still "bitter" about this because the divorce was quite ugly and impacted their lives. Of course my FIL would have been perfectly able to create an inheritance for them at that time but wisely chose to not do that, IMO. Just saying don't assume everything's ok just because there's no drama at the moment. It will be much less complicated if there are no children from his first marriage.

You are not his power of attorney in any way until he and you attend a lawyer and he appoints you as his POA with a legal document. He must be competent and willing to do this. He can withdraw this privilege at any time.
If you are not on the title of the home it is in no way yours, and you should NOT be paying the mortgage on it.
Wishing you good luck. Sounds to me like you should seek out a Lawyer and pay for one hour of advice about your obligations and rights under the law, instead of paying his mortgage when you are likely not on title of the home. If your husband has children of his last marriage then you should help him sort out his wishes for all of that, see to it he makes a will or trust that is clear as to who gets what.

Do you have a pre-nup that addresses your financial situation, including mortgage payments?