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fayeMshoulders Asked April 2021

My mother already lost her memory quickly and she has no will. No estate planning, no power of attorney. Nothing. What do I do?

She is in an assisted home. Don't know what to do. How to do it or who to talk to about what we need?

Isthisrealyreal Apr 2021
I am so sorry for your family.

My grandmother had a series of strokes that took her from Friday being fine to Monday with full blown dementia. It is difficult when it happens quickly.

A certified elder law attorney can help you navigate through this situation.

nelf.org is where we found ours.

Best of luck and a great big warm hug for you.

GardenArtist Apr 2021
Focusing only on one aspect, does she have assets that would be distributed?    Who and how many heirs does she have?    Is there friction in the family by those anticipating to receive post death assets?   Are any assets held jointly with others?

If she has no assets, and holds accounts jointly, the issue of estate planning is moot.

With rapid memory loss, though, you're wise to address this now.  

If she does have disposable assets, I would read some estate planning guidelines of firms in your area before choosing an elder law or estate planning attorney, as you want to be sure that you're getting someone very experienced, knowledgeable and amenable to working with someone facing declining memory.

Check your state's or county's bar association for practice area groups, identify the EP and EL firms, review their websites, get pricing (hourly or by EP package planning), and raise the memory loss issue before you decide on someone.

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AlvaDeer Apr 2021
Ask for the Social Worker or a Social work connected with the Assisted Home. They can guide you how to do temporary guardianship for your Mother so you can manage her affairs. In fact I am shocked no one has reached out to you during admission or prior hospitalization, because they generally need family involved when patients cannot sign their own admission papers. You will need to collect mail meanwhile and will have to have someone in charge of paying crucial bills that might have serious repercussions. Do not sign your name to anything. Keep diary daily in composition book with no tear out pages and with no erasers, so you can be recompensed if you have to pay a bill. You do not say how much family is involved. You will need a get-together to decide who wants to do what/is willing or able to do what. You will eventually perhaps need an elder law attorney so someone can take over as conservator or guardian for your Mom.

Geaton777 Apr 2021
Even with memory loss she may be able to sign the PoA if she can understand what the documents permit, and an attorney would interview her to this end. I would make an appointment with an elder law attorney for the both of you. In my experience the attorney will take her into an office without you in order to protect her from any pressures, and to assess whether she can in fact understand what the docs do and what she is doing in signing them. I took my very elderly aunts to do this and one of them has memory loss and mild/moderate dementia and she got her documents created.

At this same meeting, if your mother wishes, the attorney can also help her create a Last Will. If the attorney has experience with estate planning and Medicaid qualification, I strong recommend you also discuss this as well. Some attorneys will give a free consult for their first meeting with you. Even after that, it is an excellent investment of effort and money.

Medically, she needs to ask for the Medical Representative form at every one of her doctor's offices and assign you as her MR. Without this the team cannot discuss her medical info with you without her being present. This is part of HIPAA rules. It is also very important that, with her primary physician's input, she fill out a Living Will so that she does not receive too little or too much intervention to prolong her life if she is unable to make those decisions herself. One copy goes to you and the other to her physician's office for their files. Once you have these documents in place, you both can breath easier.

BarbBrooklyn Apr 2021
Have you spoken to an eldercare attorney?

Even if she has lost her memory, can she still understand legal documents that she is signing in the moment?

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