I'm hurting. Is anyone going through this, or has already gone through it?

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Westsign Asked April 2021

I'm hurting. Is anyone going through this, or has already gone through it?

Hi,
My Mom has dementia probably going on 4 years. She hardly has any short term memory and at times it has effected her long term. My conversations with Mom are similar and repetitive. This disease has robbed my Mom and us. When you talk to her it’s like it’s the first time we talked about whatever the subject, which is the same topics. It saddens me because I only know it will get worse. I feel like I lost my Mom in some ways, although thankful I still have her and can talk to her. I almost feel like I’m grieving and it’s almost daily. I start thinking about the situation and get teared up. My Mom is still so sweet. She moved a year ago to be cared for by my Sister. So from seeing my Mom all the time to hardly seeing her at all has been difficult. Mom still talks about coming home but I know that is not her best option. I guess I never have accepted the fact she isn’t coming back. I’m just going with it for her safety and care.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Grief Mom

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score 0 · Answer 1

Thanks to everyone’s input. It is helpful to know your not alone.

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score 2 · Answer 2

Sadly you are experiencing what is called anticipatory grief. It's the grief that comes from losing a loved one before they actually die. It's very hard to watch someone we love so, continue to keep going further and further down hill. I know.

The good thing though is that you are not alone in feeling this way. All of us caregivers or former caregivers have experienced exactly what you're going through, so please feel free to come here anytime you need to vent or just share what's on your mind. You'll feel much better after you do, I promise. God bless you.

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score 2 · Answer 3

I sooo get you. It's horrible, each time I see my mother. She has a 5 minute memory, and is incredibly anxious and terrified. For me, there is grief and sorrow and frustration at this situation.

My mother's dementia has slid at an alarming pace in the last year. She is now in the moderate stage, inching towards severe.

Unlike your Mom, mine is angry and upset. All. The. Time. And, the list of complaints starts anew, and repeats every 5 minutes. Not for the faint of heart.

Lots of us are with you in the boat.

Best wishes.

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score 1 · Answer 4

I can relate in a way. When my mother had a stroke that took away all of her abilities I felt a huge loss, in many ways it was like she was gone. The person I’d known so well wasn’t there anymore. After four years of this, trying so hard to put a brave face on it and not really succeeding, she passed away. It was like losing her all over again, but for real this time. You do have to go with getting the most appropriate care for the situation, not always so easy to accept. I’m glad you can still talk with your mom and that she’s easy to care for. This may all change, I hope your family has a plan for it. Your mom is blessed to have you in her corner and I hope you’ll both find peace

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score 0 · Answer 5

Your feelings are completely normal. You’re grieving for what she had and both of you once had with each other.

I am so sorry that this has happened in your lives.

Many have or are going through this too.

My mom has Parkinson’s disease with only slight dementia. She has the majority of her memories in tact.

Please stick around. Others will chime in to help.

Take care.

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I'm hurting. Is anyone going through this, or has already gone through it?

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