How to deal with grief?

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mitchelll1sa Asked April 2021

How to deal with grief?

My Grandmother passed away four months ago. I know this site is designed for those caring for elderly parents/grandparents/other loved ones, but what happens after they pass away? I was never a caregiver for my Grandma even though I did visit her about once a week. My aunt was Grandma’s caregiver and my Grandma gave my aunt hell. Grandma was a feisty woman and when her health started to fail, she really took it out on my aunt but was nice to everybody else. I miss her terribly. I think about her all the time and all the memories I have of her. I was with her and watched her pass away. December 4, 2020. I will never forget that night. I cannot stop thinking about that night. It was a very peaceful passing. She was 103 years old. I think most of my family think “She was 102 years old, just be thankful you got her for that long” and I am thankful I had her that long, and I absolutely cherished her in her later years especially after she turned 100. But of course, I want more time and it is still really painful. Our family just is not the same without her and I hate it. And I have to go the rest of my life without her and I am only 39. One day, I will go through this with my own mother who is not a spring chicken.

End of Life Grandparent Grief

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score 0 · Answer 1

How blessed you were to have a grandmother you loved so. It's hard when we lose a loved one, no matter what age they are when they leave this world. You are still early in your grieving process, so please don't try to rush the process. Grief is a healthy way to deal with loss. There's no time limit on how long we should grieve. Everyone is different, and each should take as much time as needed. I don't think we ever completely get over our loss, but over time it does get a little bit easier.
Perhaps it might do you good to seek out some grief counseling. I know that groups like Grief Share meet on Zoom weekly now because of Covid, so you might want to look into that as well. I wish you well as you travel through your grief process.

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score 0 · Answer 2

The only way to really deal with grief is to go through it, experience it, in my experience and that’s a very individual thing. It sounds like you have very positive memories and experiences with her to look back on and tell future generations about, they will become your joy eventually. In the meantime maybe you could focus on your aunt now, check in with her regularly maybe visit and share memories of Mom/Grandma both good and not as good. While GM was hard on your aunt, good for you recognizing that and not making excuses by the way, your aunt was her primary caregiver which means her life has changed dramatically as well as having lost her Mom and that can be a really difficult time for a caregiver, even one who it looked like or was treated poorly. Give yourself the room and time to grieve and share that with others who are also grieving, these times can be very uplifting too when you hear others perspective on the same events or learn about things you never knew about family and family history, at 103 their must be lots to learn and hear. Condolences and strength in you time of loss. Hugs

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score 0 · Answer 3

I’m sorry for your loss. Grief for me tends to come in waves, some bigger, some smaller, and lessening over time. I try to focus on the positive memories. GriefShare has groups all over that help people heal, may want to check hem out. Wishing you healing and peace

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score 0 · Answer 4

So grateful you can look back on her with pure love! I hope your aunt can eventually do the same. You're very sweet to ask this question - it's evidence of your abundant love.

I can state for certain that in time - more than a year - your grief will lessen naturallly. However, if you want to "mine" this life lesson for the gifts it contains, become a stronger woman, and become a support to your other family members, I strongly recommend finding a qualified grief counselor. I personally benefited from a book called "The Grief Recovery Handbook" and their trained counselors, which I first encountered in 1991 when I went through the most enormous grief of my life.

I wish you well. Your grandma must have been a really special lady.

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How to deal with grief?

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