LO with advanced dementia is in a SNF that has opened visits with appointments. I visit my family out of state for 2-3 weeks. Advice?
Call often but feel I should stay to visit more often. Therefore I am feeling guilty for leaving and not visiting. LO is well cared for and I talk to staff about LO often. Visits are limited to 1/2 hour due to pandemic.
You have no other choice in the matter, so there's no point in even dwelling on this. Once visiting opens up further, then you can stay longer or go more often. I can visit my mother in Memory Care once a week for up to 45 minutes so that's what I do.
I agree with JoAnn that time is more a loosely interpreted by those in care. So it may not be so much a problem for the loved one you are visiting. You may speak with the facility and see if there is anything you can do about length of 1/2 hour, such as taking your loved on on a drive, out for a meal, to your own place where you are staying. As to feeling guilt, you aren't a felon. So it isn't appropriate. Words matter, so try the other G word, which is grief that you have no answer to fixing all the problems inherent in this situation. You are doing your best. Be easy with yourself.
Thanks Alva The visits are limited..just 1/2 hour in utility room.. not allowed to go anywhere else. If I have to use the restroom I have to leave because of restrictions. I do call daily and speak to his nurse and she gives me an update. But sometimes I feel I’m neglectful not going. Maybe I just feel guilty having a good time visiting with family. Taking LO out of facility is not possible because he’s a two person assist.
If he has advanced Dementia he probably has no idea when you are there and when ur not there. Their days just run into each other.
My Aunt S, Dads sister, suffered from ALZ and was in an AL. My Mom went to visit her. As Mom was leaving she met my Dads other sister, E, coming in to visit. E called Mom later to tell her that when she got to S's room she said to her "did u have a nice visit with P?" Aunt S said "P was not here".
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As to feeling guilt, you aren't a felon. So it isn't appropriate. Words matter, so try the other G word, which is grief that you have no answer to fixing all the problems inherent in this situation. You are doing your best. Be easy with yourself.
The visits are limited..just 1/2 hour in utility room.. not allowed to go anywhere else. If I have to use the restroom I have to leave because of restrictions. I do call daily and speak to his nurse and she gives me an update. But sometimes I feel I’m neglectful not going. Maybe I just feel guilty having a good time visiting with family. Taking LO out of facility is not possible because he’s a two person assist.
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My Aunt S, Dads sister, suffered from ALZ and was in an AL. My Mom went to visit her. As Mom was leaving she met my Dads other sister, E, coming in to visit. E called Mom later to tell her that when she got to S's room she said to her "did u have a nice visit with P?" Aunt S said "P was not here".
Visit your family and enjoy them. Life is short.