Hello all.
My FIL is in a self-described "senior living community". He is 86 and has mild dementia with bi-polar. He is on meds for an enlarged heart plus his bi-polar. He has had COVID and recovered. He is on Medicaid. Here is the issue: he was diagnosed as being incompetent and needing 24/7 supervision by a psychiatrist (13 months ago).
He understandably wants to go home to be with his wife (MIL) who, although better, still shows signs of dementia and who would not be able to live alone without the help of her two local daughters.
My wife is his POA for financial.
There is no way that the two of them can live alone without help. She is no longer able to help care for him, and she needs help too.
The problem is that he now seems to be too high-functioning for the facility he is in now. There are many people there who are really "out of it". The family has looked for other places, but this one actually does seem to be one of the best near them.. i.e. clean, staffed by good and caring people, etc.
The family is very involved, and wants to do the best thing for both of them. They have been apart for the last 13 months, not least due to COVID.
But no one in the family can be a full-time caregiver, and without that, it does not seem possible for them to live in their own home (where MIL still lives for now).
What options do they have? They have been told that some ALFs will not even take people with the dual diagnosis of dementia+bipolar, due to liability or other reasons. His bipolar is well under control as long as he takes the meds.
There is a little bit of money, but not much, and it needs to be managed for both of them. There is no expectation of any inheritance from the family!
My wife has looked at in-home help, but even a few hours a day might not be enough, and the cost could be prohibitive.
I hope this makes sense... any comments welcome!
4 Answers
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"They have been told that some ALFs will not even take people with the dual diagnosis of dementia+bipolar, due to liability or other reasons." Who exactly told them this? I think they have to ask each facility what their individual policy on this is.
If it is accurate then your FIL is already on Medicaid then this means if he is moved out of his current facility, and then tries to go into a different one, he may be on a waiting list for a Medicaid bed/room. If he is NOT on Medicaid yet, I would look for a nice facility with a spectrum of care levels (IL, AL, MC and LTC) AND that accepts Medicaid (many do not). This way his wife can also live there, but maybe in a different section. But it sounds like she may need AL as well. They can go in on private pay and then your wife can apply for Medicaid for him, if FL Medicaid pays for AL (my state does not). They cannot kick him out if they say they accept Medicaid.
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None of this is pleasant or fixable in our society today, when our elders are kept alive to live in these circumstances. I sure wish you good luck, and I sure hope others have some ideas better than, or more hopeful than mine.