My mother needs Assisted Living. Her caseworker doesn't really help us. Her psychotherapist really doesn't help us either. What can I do because this is unfair and she's unsafe at home? They say she's her own person; she can't even wipe her own behind anymore.
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How have YOU determined that she “needs assisted living”?
TODAY, RIGHT NOW, begin to document your observations of EXACTLY what she CAN and CANNOT DO. If “she can’t wipe her own behind”, describe in detail what her inability to perform this action happens. “.....can’t remember to look for toilet paper.....can’t manage clothing while seated on toilet......can’t coordinate actions of wiping.....”
Analyze her day and make notes on what ACTIONS she CAN’T do. Can she bathe, dress, make a sandwich, use a phone?
DO NOT bother with your concerns about what she says, how “mean” she is, “lies” she tells. Although painful and troublesome, these are NOT necessarily relevant to whether or not she’s able to take care of herself.
Why does she see a “psychotherapist”? Is she able to lucidly discuss her feelings and problems and work on solutions? What JOB does her “caseworker” do? What agency has assigned her a caseworker?
TELL her medical doctor that YOU want a formal assessment done.
This is hard stuff to start, and right now, you (her son) are mixing FEELINGS, yours and hers, with FACTS, and right now, FACTS MATTER MORE THAN FEELINGS.
Hoping you can FIND some help with answers.
Firmly tell her doctor she needs more care. Document what you notice so you can confirm.
Wish you the best