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Caringformama Asked April 2021

I was told that my mom will probably never walk on her own again and that she has some dementia. I have no idea how to care for her. Advice?

My mom fell and broke her hip. She had surgery, and is now in a rehabilitation center. When she was taken for her follow up visit with her surgeon, he told me her surgery had failed. There is another story to go along with this visit, but I won't go in to that now. He also said it looked like there had been a fall. When I followed the transport back to the rehab, I was able to speak to the nurse administrator, she confirmed that my mom had "slid out of her bed" the first night she was there. I was not informed of the fall. No xrays were done and she wasn't taken to the ER, nothing.
My mom hasn't been diagnosed with Dementia or Alzheimer's, yet. However, her surgeon did say she had some dementia. Since she has been in the rehab center she seems more disoriented than she has, at any time prior. She imagines herself having been taken from the facility and left alone in the oddest of places, and in weird circumstances. It leaves her very fearful. She will call me and ask me to come get her and take her home. She says she had been taken to these places and left, in her bed.
So, I am fearful of what is to come. I haven't had much interaction, at all, with dementia/alzheimer's patients. I don't have any idea what to expect.

texasrdr22 May 2021
My 91 yr-old Mother is currently in the hospital from a bad fall in her room at Memory Care where she had been for only 2 months. She fractured her left hip on Tuesday and had the surgery to repair it last Wednesday. She has been in the hospital for a week now and has developed a UTI and fluid on her lungs. First the doc said the fluid was due to her not breathing deeply enough. Today he started her on an additional antibiotic in case it is pneumonia. Her hemoglobin was below 7 so she got a transfusion of one bag of blood which brought her count only up to 8. I want her to have another transfusion but the hospital will not do it unless HGB is under 7!! INSANE!

Mom had mild dementia 3 years ago when she broke her right hip. After the anesthesia for that surgery, she was never the same. She has continued to decline over the 3 years since and the operation and anesthesia last Wednesday have only made things worse. So far, PT has only been able to get her to stand twice and today she walked a few steps yelling in pain the entire time. By this time with her last surgery she was walking the halls!

We still have to find a rehab facility for when she leaves here and then determine whether she can go back to her M/C facility which we have been paying for while she is not even there. With a required 30-day notice, we may be on the hook to pay for 3 months Mom wasn’t even there!

Mom’s dementia prevents her from being able to follow or remember or comprehend instructions. She may do the task once but you will have to start over the next time from the beginning. Mom is pulling all her blankets up into a ball and trying to remove her hospital gown. She tries to snatch imaginary bugs out of the air and pulls at her mid-line IV and any loose bandages. She took off her oxygen cannula to chew on it. Someone has to be in the hospital with her 24/7.

And, it only gets worse, never better. Guess I should sleep while she is. She could wake up at any time to start the shenanigans all over again! Good luck!

Erosus May 2021
My mom broke her hip 3 years ago. After surgery she had post traumatic hysteria. Wanted the state police to come and take her home. One month in rehab, refused to walk. Went home with a HOYER lift. I take care of her. She goes from bed to chair. Coloring books and TV. She stopped talking a year ago. Eats sleeps and poops. We just called for hospice evaluation. So now she is on home hospice care. Not hard to take care of , but someone has to be around to change her diaper. When I have to go out i make sure she is in her bed and can’t get out. Hospital bed with rails up. It was the trauma of the break and the anesthesia that did it.

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againx100 Apr 2021
Surgery and anesthesia and pain meds can all come together to make patients very loopy. It can take some time for it to wear off and for them to get back to "normal" or at least close to it.

Sorry that things are going so poorly. She slid out of bed? Yikes. Not good for recovering from surgery. Is she cooperating and doing her PT at rehab? Is she up walking? When my mom recently had a knee replacement, I set some "rules" as to what she needed to be able to do to come home. Like walk up the 3 steps by herself to enter my home (where she has lived for over 5 years) and walk unassisted from her bedroom down to the bathroom. Those were non-negotiable to me as I could not/would not be willing to get up and assist her to the bathroom 24/7 and needed her to be safe to get in and out of the house. She outweighs me by a lot and it would not be safe for me to have to try to muscle her around if she couldn't do it herself. I suggest you demand the same type of thing for your mom. If she wants to come to your house tell her to get busy with her PT and achieve some basic goals. Talk to PT and tell them what you expect.

Dementia is tough, no doubt. Do some reading. Teepa Snow videos are often mentioned. Read the 36 hour day. Read this forum.

You might want to set up some home health care for when she does come home. Take as much services as the insurance will cover even if you think you don't "need" them. Whatever they offer will be short term and probably will only scratch the surface of the level of care your mom will actually need.

It is quite challenging dealing with our aging parents.

Hzeleyes2 Apr 2021
O no bless y'all both.. My dad had vascular dementia and falls and bad uti and bacteria in blood and had to go into rehab well long story short he also fell but they didn't tell me and he could walk before hospital stay and rehab 21 days later was bedridden when he came home.. He starting going down hill really fast after this.. He passed away 2 weeks ago at home .. I know in my heart the nursing home rehab abandoned his needs and the hospice neglected his uti and hospice house treated him bad..she called and said he fell but wasn't hurt well ok why is his knees scabbed up and how did he fall if bed rails up? Don't give up pray about it and believe her what she says..i caregiver for almost 6 yrs to my dad it wasnt easy and i would get angry then sad and resented this crappy life but in the end im so glad i didn't place him in a home ..i have so many good memories.. Good luck and prayers to u
againx100 Apr 2021
So sorry for your loss and for the unprofessional behavior that you had to deal with.
Countrymouse Apr 2021
Don't panic.

You don't say when all of these events happened? - but your very elderly mother has been through trauma, surgery, anaesthetic, initial recovery and the first stages of rehab; she may be receiving pain relief still; and altogether it's a lot for a 90 year old body and brain to take! So what she's like right now is not necessarily how she's going to be for very long.

Take deep breaths. So, what did the surgeon and what do rehab say about next steps?

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