When do I stop quarantine with mom?

What I will share was our family decision; may not be right for you. We took my dad (aged 90) out of assisted living/MC 8 weeks after it started. The total lockdown & isolation it created had him at a point he wouldn’t get out of bed and began refusing meals. We own Apts and quickly adapted a 1-Br for him. He was also on hospice & wheelchair bound. Dad cried and told us he’d rather die than spend any more time in “the loneliest place on earth.” We hired 24-7 help and I was around a ton to see things went well. We checked temps. of anyone coming in & allowed family in to visit wearing masks. Dad got hugs, kisses on the forehead, saw family, ate meals with caregivers at a table again. He was so happy! His hospice nurse came to him. We had groceries delivered, so outside contact was minimal. We put bird feeders out front and he’d take walks and sit out front in the sunshine. Our plan was that I alone would stay with him if he got covid and we’d make it or not, but no one would die alone. My dad lived an additional ten months happily enjoying holidays with close family, watching ballgames with grandchildren and feeling some independence again. It was the right choice for us. We’ll all die one day; for our family it’s about how we live! I’d do it again.

I'll tell you this: my DH & I have spent more time in doctor's offices, hospitals, ERs and medical facilities the last year than EVER before in our lives. When I went to my hairdresser a couple of months ago, I sat in her chair for TWO HOURS and it turned out she had Covid, unbeknownst to both of us. DH and I have gone every weekend to estate sales, as usual, and now we go out to dinner indoors and eat. Neither of us has gotten The Virus, in spite of all the fear mongering and warnings that we WOULD get it. Even in spite of me being exposed to my hairdresser for 2 hours. We both got the 2 'vaccines' which aren't 'vaccines' at all but a chance to get a milder version of The Virus if/when we do get it. I got very sick with jab #2 and I question my own sanity for agreeing to get it in the first place, considering it's not offering me any real protection from anything. So if your mother doesn't want it, good for her!

The fear that has been peddled about this virus is more of a killer than The Virus itself, since it has better than a 99% survival rate. People have voluntarily quarantined themselves for over a YEAR now and put their lives on hold out of fear. It is your choice how you decide to move forward now. If it were me, I'd get myself and my mother OUT of the house to see your grandson, OUT to eat and back to LIFE again.

Best of luck to you!

If your Mom won't take the vaccine she is at risk. It is up to you. At some point you will have to decide if her life is worth living with this constant fear given she won't take the shot. She will NEVER be not at risk.
If it was my Mom, as your question says, I would now allow her to have a normal life, and would understand she is at risk of dying of covid. To be frank, at her age she is at risk of dying--period.

You are putting your own life on hold because your medically compromised mother with dementia refuses to be vaccinated? Does that sum things up?

What do her physicians advise? My LO has had Covid infections TWICE. She has now been vaccinated (both shots). I’m SURE she protested. Her protests were. O doubt ignored WITH MY FULL SUPPORT.

What will Mom do if she is told that she MUST BE VACCINATED? Throw a tantrum? Initiate a hunger strike? Pack her bag and move out?

If it was my relative with dementia and physical conditions that made her even MORE VULNERABLE to the already highly contagious condition that the vaccine was for, I would ask her doctor how to manage her BEHAVIOR, AND GET HER VACCINATED.

Perhaps two burly aides who could physically CARRY HER to a vaccination site, or medication, or some special treat, WHATEVER IT TAKES.

When dealing with a cognitively failing adult, SAFETY takes precedence. PERIOD. HER CHOICE? TOTALLY INCONSEQUENTIAL.

If YOU KNOW that she would be unable to live through a Covid infection, or be intubated, or be hospitalized for an indefinite period of time with NO FAMILY PRESENT, you really only have two courses in which to proceed. Vaccination is one of them, continuing to live as you are at present is the other.

Be at peace with the consideration that sometimes there are NO CHOICES EXCEPT DIFFICULT ONES. If you choose, with love, to do what she needs to be safe, you will be doing the right thing.

I also stopped life and took every precaution as I’m moms sole caregiver and she lives with us. She is a stroke survivor with some cognitive deficits as well as severe reactions to many antibiotics - I was nervous about her having the vaccine and any reactions - but had to weigh “quality of life” for everyone of us. If your moms health checks out with her doctors then I think you are allowed to make a decision for her as to what is best for all of you in your household. You deserve to see your grandchildren - so I think you have to trust yourself - discuss it with her doctors and with you being her care have every right to help make the decision for you all in your home.
We waited till March and all 3 of us in my house were vaccinated. Mom was recovering from a UTI so we missed her January appt but were able to get her on the “homebound program”. Mom (74) and I had no reactions - my husband had less than 24 hours of flu symptoms - (though he did say if that is what covid is like thank goodness we are somewhat protected - Tylenol helped a lot once he took it) he is 50 and we all had the J&J.
You being the sole caregiver are also allowed to consider yourself - how this affects your quality of life as well as how it would affect your household if anyone got sick - if you feel it’s best - then trust your decision just as you would as a parent making decisions for your family.

Mom shouldn’t be entirely running the show while living in your home. Can you tell her that in order to live there the vaccine is a must? Otherwise, I’d let there be visitors in mask and distanced. Life is too short for such isolation

I believe that the fear that has been intentionally used to keep us under control is far worse than any virus or pandemic could ever be. You seldom hear about the recovery rate being well over 99%. Why is that??? It's because the powers that be would rather keep us living in fear.

You have put your life on hold long enough. If you want to get the vaccine, get it, and if your mom doesn't want it, that's her choice. Last time I checked this was still America, where we have freedom of choice. I know that our freedoms are slowly being taken away, but for now we still have them.
It's time you start spending time with that precious grandson of yours, and start living your life again, as you will never get that time back with him. You can still do everything you want to while taking the necessary precautions. And that includes having people in your home. Yes, they may still have to wear a mask(if that makes you feel more comfortable)and social distance some, but there's no reason not to get your life back to some sort of normalcy. Dr. Fauci just said over the weekend that you no longer had to wear masks outdoors, as the infection rate is extremely low outdoors, so perhaps you can start with having family get togethers outside. Enough is enough! Time to start living your life again.

Have YOU been vaccinated? If so, hire someone who has been vaccinated and follows protocols to watch over mom and get out, go visit your family, your grandson, your friends. There's no reason for you to remain holed up because your mother refuses the vaccine.

As for your mother and the vaccine, has she expressed a reason for refusing the shot(s)? A VALID reason? Does she accept other vaccines, such as flu, shingles, and pneumonia? If she accepts the others, why not this one? If it stems from watching TV and listening to some of the garbage one hears on it, provide her with legitimate information from reputable sources.

It is unfortunate, but even those with dementia have "rights" and that includes the right to refuse. Sometimes we have to work around them, weasel our way in to get them to consider doing something or accepting some treatment, and somehow make it THEIR idea. Perhaps a fib or two, it's a new flu shot, etc.

But, if there's no way to get a shot into her, get your, if you haven't already, find a good caregiver and get yourself out. If she wants to know why you can go out and she can't, well mom, if you'd take the shot....

My Dad will be 97 next month and he is living in his own home with dementia and 24 7 Care by 4-5 different Caregivers, a Home Health Nurse that comes to check on him and change his Cathiter and a Nurse Practioner that checks on him once a month.

No one goes over to visit if they're sick or running a fever.

In the beginning, I went one month without seeing my Grand Children, then I decided it was Crazy, Political and Money Making and more people die every year from the regular flu.

Then with all the changes the Media and Dr Faci talked about re masks and the uncertainty of the shot, I decided the fast make of the shot and the unknown of long term effects,
I chose to take extra Vit , D E and Zink, Wash my hands and not get around or go around someone sick.

I chose not to give him the Vaccine due to I think he has better odds to take his chances with getting and dying from the Corona Virus.

He has always continued to have family visits during this whole time.

You should let your family visit your mom as long as they aren't sick and I don't blame your kid for being upset with you for not seeing your grandchild, all this time. You have Missed A Year of your life.

I know you are trying to protect your Mom. That being said, it sounds like she is at the end stage of her life and I would think she would want contact with friends and Family. Living in fear of is NOT how anyone should live the last years of their life.She doesnt want the vaccine and that is her choice. You are not in control of whether she lives,or dies anyway.God is.Let your Mom decide how much contact she wants and let it be.