As a mother of an adult son with bipolar 1, I advise you to run, not walk, away if he insist on keeping his mother there. I love my son but I don't wish the he!! I or anyone else goes through because of him. And how dare your boyfriend expect you to watch his mother, whether she's mentally ill or not? He doesn't respect you, get out of there asap. You are in for misery you never even thought of.
If you are the holder of the lease, kick them BOTH out. If this boyfriend is the holder of the lease, you move out but insist he finance your first and last month's rent requirement for your new place. Maybe he has some of his mother's mental illness issues HIMSELF.
He has some nerve doing such a thing, not to mention a total lack of respect for you. Love doesn't behave that way. Love is teamwork and mutual decision making.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward and looking after your own best interests.
Don't even consider such an absurd task. Dealing with mental illness is the job of a professional. Does not sound like you are remotely qualified to undertake this. And frankly, even trying is a bad idea. Mother needs adequate help and will not get it as long as son is looking to patchwork solutions rather than dealing realistically with her needs.
BF's Mother's living arrangements are HERS to sort out. If she has a Case Manager, that is who SHE speaks to regarding that.
Unless BF is legal Guardian, then it is HIS responsibility to find accom for her.
SZ is probably the hardest mental illness to deal with. Boundaries are not usually understood well by these sufferers & sometimes their families too.
IMHO the BF has zero right to move any guest or relative into your shared home without your permission. Whether you rent or own doesn't matter. This is about communication now.
1. Tell your BF how you think & feel about this situation. 2. Explain clearly what you want. Especially what you will or won't do regarding Mother's care. 3. Put a time frame on change.
Personally, after explaining, I would ask him to have her Case Manager find alternative accom asap. If he refuses, I'd ask him & his Mother to leave asap.
PS I may sound heartless... But really, looking at the Mother for a minute: she has an awful dx & will need lifelong care. She deserves to get that care, not be pushed onto someone who has not signed up for the role. It would be great if her son could work with her Case Mgr to find the right care for her. If he can't, he should step out of the way to enable other help.
I worked as a secretary for a Visiting Nurse Assoc. We received an order to help a client who had burned his hand. When the Head Nurse got there she found out the man had put his hand on a burner that was on. As my Nurse was dressing his wound, she asked if he had roommates because the house he lived in was a sort of group home. He said he was not allowing anyone to live there. She came to realize that he was a schizophrenic and no one was probably not living there because they couldn't live with him. When my Nurse got back to the office, she called the agency that had supplied the order and asked if they knew the client was schizophrenic because it would have been nice to know going in.
It would be hard enough caring for someone with BiPolar. Their problems are their manic highs and lows. But meds do help. Schizophrenics are a different bird. And throw in paranoia. She could think you are going to harm her and come after u with knife. Now I admit thats the extreme part. Unless you are a trained professonal, I would not take this on. Even a Nurse, if never worked with people like this, probably could not deal with this.
Advice, move out. He has not included you in a very important decision. Even if married, he shouldn't have done this. The woman is not your responsibility. I hope you have kept your money separate. That you can find a place of your own. Hope ur working. Get ur ducks in a row and move out. If you own the property, then tell him he needs to find him and Mom a new home. Because you refuse to care for HIS mother.
Your profile says that BCruise is living in your home. I assume that means your boyfriend does not own/lease the home with you. Is that correct? If so, inform them they are moving! If not, do not lift one finger to care for his mother and make it clear to him that he will be taking care of his mother.
I think the fact that you are here asking us this means you already know the answer.
That your BF 'expects' you to take care of his mentally ill mother is so incredibly self-absorbed it's mind-boggling.
Do you think you have the ability to take care of a mentally ill person? I worked with a guy whos wife is bipolar. He once told me the worst times of his day were when he got up in the morning and when he came home from work, because he never knew "which wife" he was going to be dealing with.
Are you prepared to live that life?
You don't owe caregiving to your BF's mother...for your own sake, run from this situation as soon as you can. There is no way for this scenario to end well for any of you.
Since it's your home(according to your profile)why in the world would you ever have agreed to such a ridiculous setup? And what kind of a man is your boyfriend that he would expect that you care for HIS mother? There are just so many things wrong with this picture, I'm almost at a loss for words. The only thing I know is that you allowed them in your home, so you must now figure out how to get them out. Yes, both of them! Certainly you can find a better man that wouldn't dream of doing this to his woman. I wish you well.
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He has some nerve doing such a thing, not to mention a total lack of respect for you. Love doesn't behave that way. Love is teamwork and mutual decision making.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward and looking after your own best interests.
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Unless BF is legal Guardian, then it is HIS responsibility to find accom for her.
SZ is probably the hardest mental illness to deal with. Boundaries are not usually understood well by these sufferers & sometimes their families too.
IMHO the BF has zero right to move any guest or relative into your shared home without your permission. Whether you rent or own doesn't matter. This is about communication now.
1. Tell your BF how you think & feel about this situation.
2. Explain clearly what you want. Especially what you will or won't do regarding Mother's care.
3. Put a time frame on change.
Personally, after explaining, I would ask him to have her Case Manager find alternative accom asap. If he refuses, I'd ask him & his Mother to leave asap.
PS I may sound heartless... But really, looking at the Mother for a minute: she has an awful dx & will need lifelong care. She deserves to get that care, not be pushed onto someone who has not signed up for the role. It would be great if her son could work with her Case Mgr to find the right care for her. If he can't, he should step out of the way to enable other help.
It would be hard enough caring for someone with BiPolar. Their problems are their manic highs and lows. But meds do help. Schizophrenics are a different bird. And throw in paranoia. She could think you are going to harm her and come after u with knife. Now I admit thats the extreme part. Unless you are a trained professonal, I would not take this on. Even a Nurse, if never worked with people like this, probably could not deal with this.
Advice, move out. He has not included you in a very important decision. Even if married, he shouldn't have done this. The woman is not your responsibility. I hope you have kept your money separate. That you can find a place of your own. Hope ur working. Get ur ducks in a row and move out. If you own the property, then tell him he needs to find him and Mom a new home. Because you refuse to care for HIS mother.
I don’t see any advantage of the OP staying in this mess, regardless if she has feelings for her boyfriend or not.
I think that I would lose respect for a man that did this to me and see him in a different light.
She needs to step away in order to get a clear picture of this situation.
It doesn’t sound like you were in agreement on caring for her.
Why should it be your responsibility?
Does he help at all?
Are you renting? If so, is your name on the lease?
Do you have a place to move to temporarily? Can you afford to move out?
If it is possible to move now, get out. Let him see what it is like to be the caregiver. He had no right to take you for granted like he did.
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Best wishes to you.
That your BF 'expects' you to take care of his mentally ill mother is so incredibly self-absorbed it's mind-boggling.
Do you think you have the ability to take care of a mentally ill person? I worked with a guy whos wife is bipolar. He once told me the worst times of his day were when he got up in the morning and when he came home from work, because he never knew "which wife" he was going to be dealing with.
Are you prepared to live that life?
You don't owe caregiving to your BF's mother...for your own sake, run from this situation as soon as you can. There is no way for this scenario to end well for any of you.
She certainly doesn’t owe the mom or her boyfriend anything.
The boyfriend owes her an apology. I doubt that he will apologize but he should apologize for the whole ordeal.
The only thing I know is that you allowed them in your home, so you must now figure out how to get them out. Yes, both of them! Certainly you can find a better man that wouldn't dream of doing this to his woman. I wish you well.
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