Where to go now? Grandparent in denial.

Hi, I wanted to see if there was anyone who might have had a similar situation and some advice.

In dec 2019 (now april 2021), my grandfather had a stroke; we hadn't had too many issues with my grandparents before this in terms of care, but when this happened, things got very flipped. Some backround (that I wasn't originally privy too since I am the grandchild in her 20s but now have been informed) He was 83 at the time of stroke and under the impression he was going to work until he died -_- still was working as a factory engineer. My grandmother is highly resentful of them for an unhappy marriage for the past 50 years, and both of them are products of VERY deep trauma involving some pretty heavy stuff. Clearly it had never been dealt with and is now coming into play in terms of emotions and mental state. My family - meaning my mom and uncle... Strongly dislike them for past decision making, they want nothing to do with them. Hatred is probably accurate as a term. My grandmother has an eating and anxiety disorder that she tries to consistently holistically cure and has a large tendency toward hoarding behaviors. I make food for them when she is feeling off, but she is also buying enough food for 6 people and then letting it rot! Every time we talk it's something new that she is trying or she is in such 'gripping pain' (it's the anxiety/panic attacks) that she can't do anything and is lying on the couch, now at 75lbs. She insists on eating raw garlic and onions and smells AWFUL. My husband and family refuse to go near her. Yes we have been to the doctor, I call, we go, she is in therapy, they don't seem to be very effective. On the other half of the equation, My grandfather now that he has had the stroke, has lost all filters and is quite sexually verbal to other women who are not my grandmother or family. He also sleeps most of the day, and has very recognizeable signs of dementia - not remembering dates, years...etc.

They also did not take care of finances and hospital bills that I am now trying to solve on top of her bad spending habits. It is taking a lot of time, and in the midst of that, my husband and I bought the house across the street from us so they could live there so they would be closer to us to watch over. They were originally living nearly 45 minutes away and their landlord was trying to get them to leave because she was concerned for their well-being.

Since we were not aware of the extent of their issues, it has become apparant that they need more extensive care and need to go to an indepenent living situation. We actually have been working through a lot of things and have come a long way - she hasn't gone to the hospital in nearly 6 months, but I think it would really be best if they were in an independent care place with some options to have specialized help.

She will not go. She likes the house and garden even though she keeps it a complete mess and complains about silly things like not being able to work the dishwasher or the bath water doesn't get hot enougth (she wants it basically boiling and we put up the temperature and a pipe burst from the heat). I don't understand it, it's like she wants things perfect but has no idea that she is causing such a mess and smelling up the place?

I have made some appointments to go to some care places - their budget will be stretched because of the lack of care of finances, but they should have enough money; likely they will die with nothing, but they also don't qualify for anything because his social security benefit is too high.

I also made some appointments for in home care consultation and am thinking that may have to do...I am also under pressure from my husband to get her out because he does not want her there anymore.

Advice greatly appreciated.

Thanks