Caregiver helper and drama around dementia patient. Advice?

Luckily, we have an accountant who manages mom’s money and they approved her being an independent contractor and are the ones who write her checks.

We have a very generic contract with her. And the state we live in is an at will state.

Thanks for the input everyone. It has helped a lot.

Line up some other help and then let her know that things aren't working out and that her last day will be XX. Tell her that in lieu of two weeks notice you are paying her two weeks salary. You don't really need to say anything about the drama specifically because that will just open the door to her saying things will get better or she knows she hasn't been at her best but please give her another chance. Just keep it short and calm. And don't let her continue to work for you once you've given her notice. I know everyone hates to pay for work not done but the two weeks severance pay is better than keeping her there for two weeks after she's been let go.

For your next person you may want to assure that if she, too, is an "independent contractor" i.e., not hired and paid through an agency, that you are following all the labor laws for withholding and payment of Social Security and unemployment insurance. It's not hard to do and is best for both you and the carer, especially in any situation where the carer might be injured and need worker's comp or unemployment.

Unless you have signed a contract with her defining under what circumstances she can be discharged, she is an “at will” employee, which means she can quit for any, or no reason, and you can discharge her for any, or no reason as long as it's not illegal (discriminatory, e.g.).

Did you sign any specific type of agreement with her? If you didn’t sign anything, then simply tell her that you no longer need her services. Look for a suitable replacement.

I had help from Council on Aging who had a contract with a particular agency that we used. Most of the caregivers were very good. There were a couple of caregivers that I had issues with.

I had a caregiver who was a young student that kept asking for different hours than she agreed to initially. She wasn’t extremely experienced but was willing to do the job and she was very kind to my mom. She didn’t have her own car. Her parents would drop her off and pick her up. The parents pressured her to change her schedule, unfortunately that schedule didn’t work for us. I didn’t care that she inquired about different hours but she lied to me and told me that the agency changed the schedule.

When I called the agency to see if the hours had been changed, I found out that she lied. I wasn’t happy that she lied to me. I was perfectly willing to accept that she was younger than most caregivers because she did a satisfactory job and I figured that she would gain experience.

Another caregiver that we had didn’t interact with my mom at all. She did as little as possible and mom wasn’t comfortable with her. When I said something to the agency about her not being a good fit for my mom, the manager said that they had already let her go because they had numerous complaints about her.

We ended up with a woman in her 30’s, a single mom who was fabulous! She helped mom with all that she needed, bathing, fixing her meal, tidying up her room, etc. She interacted with my mom beautifully. She was happy to share a cup of coffee or tea with mom or watch a television show that they both liked. Mom loved seeing pictures of her darling little girl. She had her own transportation and was on time. If she did run late, she was polite and called us. She was a joy to be around. She offered to do more than we needed but I always told her that I would do it, that she did enough. We loved her and asked the agency to only send her. She loved mom and was happy to come for each visit.

It really is important to have the right fit. It’s a two way street. We deserve to have a wonderful caregiver and they deserve appreciation and respect.

I know that you hired privately. Get references. Screen as much as possible. Make sure that you are in agreement on what is needed.

Best wishes to you. I hope that you will find a caregiver that is satisfactory, caring and reliable.

What does your contract say? Independent contractors usually have a provision in the contract dealing with this. Be prepared, she could turn you into the DOL for labor violations since she legally should have been an employee.

You don’t need to give any reason for terminating her as the carer, and it may avoid arguments if you don’t. Either say nothing, or make up a reason, like a family member coming to stay for a while to share care.

It’s appropriate to give some notice (or payment in lieu of notice) – carers have to organise their lives and finances, just like the rest of us. By the old common law, the notice had to be as long as the payment period, but a longer period is less likely to break any newer laws.

It’s a sensible idea to remove anything of value that could be picked up in the last days. These days, sacked employees are often escorted out immediately after the termination and a chance to clear out their desk (with no computer access). It’s cruel, but something to think about if there is going to be bad feeling involved.