My husband is diagnosed PD. He doesn't understand or he doesn't remember the discussions we have about not doing any of the bills as he continually makes mistakes such as paying the car payment twice in one month and doesn't pay the gas bill or some other bill. He will set up payment arrangements for the past due amount but, doesn't tell me, leaving me in the dark when a call comes into the home. If I could get him to relinquish his control and he either allowed me or our son to assist or to take over the payment process I would not be scrambling to pay the past due amounts or keep up with payment arrangement if something happens to him. I have tried switching many of the email responses from his account to mine, but, he goes back in the accounts and will either change passwords or redirect email preferences back to him. He frequently gets locked out of accounts when he changes passwords he doesn't write them down. Leaving my son or me unable to access the accounts to pay if something happens to him. Password changes are sometimes 3 times per week. I just don't know what to do next.
His driving is not good, he is a risk, but he passes the typical driving test. We have a relatively new car that has lane change as well as forward cash alerts and if he is behind the wheel they go off, and he says this car has an attitude and it needs to be put in for service. He asks why these alerts don't happen when I drive, but even after explanation the connection as to why it does not happen eludes his memory.
I feel like I nag him so much that it makes his PD symptoms worse. He gets more tremors than usual if I say things even with a gentle approach. I feel like I will end up in hospital with heart attack or nervous breakdown if I can't find a way to get these problems under control.
Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone gone through this or is currently dealing with similar issues?
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Instead of nagging, it is ok to use "therapeutic fibs" to get your husband to do what you need him to do. This is not immoral or unethical since he is no longer able to reason in his own best interests. This will also be true of his driving. You and your son are in the best position to keep yourselves, your husband and the general innocent public safe from his lack of executive function. If the car "goes to the shop" (or the neighbor's garage or around the block) then so be it. My uncle killed his own wife in an accident because no one wanted to "hurt his feelings" and stop him from driving. He injured the people in the other car as well. You stated your husband thinks the car should "be put in for service" due to the lane alerts, so take the opportunity to use this to your advantage.
I recommend you download a password keeper app and don't give him access to it by sharing the master pw. Don't write the pw's down where he can find or guess them. You may need to set up a new email address for yourself as well, also one where he can't get access, like gmail. Again, keep that pw very hidden. It's all a pain, I know...but all very necessary. I wish you all the best in moving through this with him.
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