I’ve spent all of my savings caring for mom. She won’t sell her house. I have no income. Any thoughts?

I help with caregivers for my grandmother on hospice- so we can try to keep her home and not deal with NH/ medicaid- however the amount your mothers house is worth is alot! hopefully you all can sell it that would help a bunch !

Oh Sunshine---

Your post broke my heart. What is that old saying? No good deed goes unpunished? You've learned that the hard way.

You mother is 100?? OMgosh--I bet you feel like she is going to live for-freaking-ever. And fo course, she mean to boot!

I'm sorry you got caught in the trap of supporting her and in the process, losing such a sense of self. I'm sure it happened slowly and surely and you really thought you were doing the right thing.

Can you talk to your sibs and explain that you MUST be made whole at some point--sooner rather than later. Maybe it's time to have mom make her home with one after another sibling, if she refuses to sell her home and give you a break. If no other sibs are involved, I can sure see why--bet they've never done a day of CG, right?

You may need to get an attorney involved, if your sibs don't feel any sense of reimbursing you. I do not know what you can do, legally, to change this.

Please be kind to yourself (yes, I know, easier said than done!) and think about which sib is most likely to give you a spell off of CG for a while, as you recover your balance.

((Hugs))

Please don't disappear.
You have every right to walk away and just let the state 'manage' as they see fit, yet you possess great selfless qualities that have caused you to suffer.
Could you seek the services of some 'pro bono' lawyer (or free legal aid online or telephone) to help plan for her care and/or recoup some of your financial assistance?
Sorry for any inference, but you may not be all that young and equally deserve peace for yourself with time to recover and find some joy in life. Is she on any government assistance or benefits? And what of your future without income and savings? Plan for yourself as priority also. It sounds like the assets are there but inaccessible requiring legal know-how to release liquidity.

I checked your earlier posts. You were questioning all of this 7 years ago, but made the decision to be the sibling who would take care of your mother. Why didn't you request payment from the POA siblings?

Hi sunshinenjoy, 
 Caregiving is a long difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. 
 However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide for you. 
 Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 
 Call 1-800-273-8255

Not being snarky, but when your own mental well being is at stake you have reached your human capacity and limitation. You Mom needs now to go into care. As to selling the home, she can go on medicaid; the home doesn't need to be sold. You say your Mom is 100. What is her own state mentally? If no one has POA and she will not be placed, then you may be looking at a need for guardianship. If no other family member wants it (and it sounds to tell the truth like they have made their own choice for their own survival) then perhaps the state needs to take over as guardian and place Mom. The thought that really concerns me is your spending you savings. You don't give us your age, but with Mom being 100 I can assume you are not a young woman. This is money YOU will need for your own time going forward. If Mom is living with you, and her own Social Security isn't enough to support her, it is crucial you don't spend your own funds.
I wish I had better advice for you. I don't know how exactly to advise you other than to hope there is a good local council on aging. I am so sorry for the desperation and the situation you feel trapped in. I hope others have some good advice that may help.
May I ask if your Mom has a will. As you are the caregiving child I cannot help that the delapidated home is left for you to sell and recoup some of the money you have put into care, rather than to the children who don't participate at all in her care. At 100 this is at some point a self-limiting problem, but people do often live so long these days with good care.

I am so sorry for this terrible and untenable situation you find yourself in.

Do you own your home?

Does your mom have dementia? Is she (and has she always been "mean"--which may in fact be mental illness?).

Have you spoken to the local Area Agency on Aging about this situation on gotten any advice?

I am sorry for all the questions, but you will get better answers if you give us a bit more information.

((((((hugs))))))))