Dad (93) was recently diagnosed with Stage 4a adenocarcinoma of the Lung. Chemo/Radiation suggested. How do we make this decision?

I'm not one to mince words, so here goes -- chemo and radiation on someone that age is barbaric. Chemo is literally poison, and radiation burns -- really burns -- your skin. I cannot fathom one single scenario where this would be desirable for a 93-year-old.
If your dad isn't 100% in charge and competent enough to make this decision, I believe you have an obligation to protect him from any treatment that doesn't contribute to his quality of life.

Doctors feel obliged to give you all the possible treatment ideas, but too many of them won't tell you whether it's a good idea to actually do them, nor will they answer the question, "Would you do this to your father?"

I'll give you my story -- My aunt was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and was clearly pretty far along once she was diagnosed. Her children couldn't bear the idea that their vibrant, active 90-year-old mother could possible die, convinced her to do chemo. She did about two weeks' worth, was violently ill the entire time, and died a month later anyway. She was the one who put an end to the chemo, and now her children kick themselves for robbing her of two precious weeks of relatively good health because THEY couldn't bear for her to die.

Please try to think about what's best for your dad, not what you think is best for you. That's the most important thing to take into account. Is chemo and radiation going to cure him? Probably not, so why poison and burn him?

As my Dad said many eons ago "Go to a surgeon and it's cut, cut, cut". It is what they do. They both believe in it, and it is their job. I would decline this at this age. What does your father want? It's his decision. If he cannot make this decision then it is your decision and you know him, know from living with him life long what he would have wanted. I would certainly, were it me, decline chemo. The side effects can in themselves kill someone fragile. If you look at all the TV ads be certain to read the fine tiny print they flash away in seconds. It will say that you have perhaps four or five months more with this new (expensive) drug than with the normal protocol, while all the time the ad itself, while it describes deadly side effects, SHOWS you people dancing around on beaches or with doing dressup with grandchildren.
Those who recommend the chemo and the radiation will tell you they aren't going for cure, but for more time, and for "shrinking" this or that.
For myself, I would ask your father what he wants to do. If he is unable to make the decision I would call in hospice. For you, how you make the decision is by talking with your own family and doing the best you can. There is no one I think with an ounce of brains who would judge you WHATEVER decision you make. I wish you luck.As an ex RN at age 79 I would no longer treat any cancer save for blockages, et al, and would ask for the "good drugs". I have had a wonderful and very lucky life; I am ready enough. I am a 35 year survivor of breast cancer. Even with that knowledge I long ago stopped mammograms. Death comes to us all. The manner of death is important to me to have some say in, given what I have seen in my career.

My sister died of breast cancer and the oncologist in the hospital tried to convince her that she needed to pursue treatment.

When I asked what was the prognosis with treatment. He boldly said she will have roughly 8 weeks. Seriously? You would put her through chemo for 8 weeks? Yep, without hesitation.

She lived for 7 weeks with no treatment once she went home on hospice. She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, so she had 1 additional week and they were all on her terms. No puking her guts out, loosing all of her hair, no being utterly miserable every minute.

I think that there is something very wrong with any doctor that doesn't consider the fall out of pumping a fragile body full of poison. This is western medicine at it's core, filthy rotten!

To each his own but, I would do some research on what chemo does to the human body. Radiation is a whole different bag of ugly.

My mother was 91 when a cardiologist told her she had a serious heart murmur and needed a heart valve replacement and a stent. I knew the dangers of anesthesia on an elderly person and questioned all the drs about WHY she needed this done. All said she had a very good prognosis but none would offer an opinion on her mental state. She was showing signs of dementia but otherwise was in good health for her age.

Mom asked the drs how long she would live without the surgery and was told 2 years. Well, she decided to have the surgery, rehab, recovery and a steep decline into dementia. She lived another 2 years. So we might have had her for 2 years and cogent instead of 2 years not recognizing anyone. I wish now I had talked her out of it.

Patty, in my opinion, these doctors do not care about the quality of life or quantity of life of a 93 y.o. man. They see your dad as a cash cow that they can milk $$ from. The treatments can run up to the hundreds of thousands of dollars or more. And a big chunk of that will go to them.

Chemo/radiation treatments on a very old sick man will make him feel so horrible that he will wish he could die.

We all have to die. Let him spend his remaining days and months in comfort.

As a cancer survivor myself---I will not treat again when it returns.

When I was first dxed, I was 62. Did about 15 months of tx and finally, just so sick of being sick, I quit. I had done not just the 'protocol' chemo, but 6 rounds of FU tx also.

Even though it's only been 2 years, a LOT of leftover side effects have made my life about 60% of what it was and I am as 'good as I'm going to get'.

Drs will give you stats and numbers and of course, their job is to get you in remission---but a LOT of the time, they do not look at the patient's age, family dynamic, etc. They simply see a problem they can 'fix' and BTW, the surgeons will not be the ones who follow up. It will be an oncologist. I saw my surgeon TWICE and never again, b/c there was nothing else for him to do.

I'll see my oncologist for the rest of my life. And HE is respectful and honest with me. He also agrees--go see a surgeon and you will likely be a 'candidate', somehow, for surgery.

At 93--why torture your poor dad?

My dad had both chemo and radiation for the same cancer. He was 50 when it started. The radiation totally wiped him out. 5 days a week for 4 1/2 weeks. It took him 6 months to recover his strength. When the tumors came back, 2 years later, he had chemo. Because of the damage from the radiation, he couldn't have the medication port on his chest; he had to have a PIC line. He totally lost all sense of taste and snell. He lost about 50 lbs and was very weak.
I can't imagine a 90+ year old person going thru the same difficulties. Sending you a big hug because you are in an untenable position.

I certainly hope that these doctors aren’t offering false hope to your dad. Why go through this torture at his age?

My friend’s mom decided not to do anything about her lung cancer in her late 60’s. I found it interesting that she lived longer than others who went through treatment.

She saw all of her children marry and have children. She had lost her husband many years earlier in an automobile accident. He died when my friend was 8 years old.

She was at peace with dying. She didn’t care to endure the misery of treatment for an extension on her life. Her children supported her choice not to treat her cancer.

Think seriously about three words: QUALITY OF LIFE. The folks here shared great examples for you to ponder. Seriously.

Hugs...

My Mom was 92 when she was diagnosed with vulvar cancer. Following successful surgery the oncologist recommended radiation, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. I left the decision up to her, she has a good mind and completely understood the situation. She decided against and I agreed.
She celebrated her 100th Birthday at the end of December, is doing well and is still home with me.