My mother is living with me and my husband. She contributes very little to her living expenses, $9.50 a day. Advice?

Uh, my mother pays $6500 a month in Memory Care Assisted Living not including Depends, doctor co pays, medications and other assorted nonsense to the tune of $500 more.

Yes, $9.50 a day is flat out ridiculous and you're not wrong. Mother needs to cough up her fair share of living expenses or look into Medicaid to have her placed in Skilled Nursing.

From your profile: "I am caring for my mother Estela, who is 82 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, arthritis, incontinence, osteoporosis, and vision problems."

and

"I am taking care of my mom who can be defiant, stubborn, lies, and lies. She forgets a lot but sometimes it might be a manipulation trait."

I think you are doing a LOT more than just being her chauffeur, yes? What is involved in taking care of her? And what is the toll it is taking on your physical/mental/emotional health and your marriage?

Grandma1954: ".she should also be paying you as her caregiver. (Minimum would be $20.00 an hour)"

YES! What about all of your TIME?! Do you have siblings? What is their involvement? Are you POA/HCPOA?

And what is the plan for when your mother declines further? At what point will you take your life back and let a facility take care of her?

I know you just asked about her contribution to household expenses, but I'm sure that is just the tip of the iceberg Am I right?

Wow there are some mean answers on here. My mom lived with me for 2 years. She is in Memory Care now. She constantly thanked me telling me what a wonderful caregiver I was and if she became too much for me to place her in a nursing home. She didn't have much money saved and I knew she was gonna have to go on Medicaid if I ever had to place her in a nursing home. she did have $2000 a month coming in thanks to annuities AND her being able to collect her husband's Social Security. But I thought to myself. Yes I could save all of her money..just to have Medicaid take it all one day if she does have to go into a NH. So I talked to an elder attorney and asked how this could be avoided. He suggested 2 ways . 1. Have a caregivers agreement drawn up so that I could get paid for being her caregiver. OR 2. Have a realtor come in and give me a letter stating what the fair market value of her living space would be. He gave me the letter and she signed a rental agreement. So $750 a month was automatically taken from her account and placed in a separate account. This way Medicaid could not ask for that money. I saved $14,000 and I am leaving it in that separate account. I am not spending it. For me as it is for many I am sure..it is not about the money...it is about saving her money the legal way so it does not have to go to Medicaid should she have to be placed in a Nursing Home. To me it's called protecting her assetts...

Who is in charge of her finances?
If she has dementia she can not be handling day to day tasks.
She should be paying a portion of all the household expenses.
If there are 3 of you in the house 1/3 of the expenses would be fair.
You can charge her the legal IRS limit for transportation charges as well.
If she balks at that start doing tours of Memory Care facilities if she is aware enough of how finances are she will see that $9.50 a day is 😉slightly under the going rate.
oh....she should also be paying you as her caregiver. (Minimum would be $20.00 an hour)

Yikes, I don't expect anything from my mom. She always offers to buy groceries fuel etc and is generous but I wouldn't dream of charging her. It would just feel wrong to me. But I can afford to care for her so maybe that's the difference.

Can she afford more?

If yes, she should be contributing to the household bills monthly, as well as buying the items that are specifically for her, like depends.

If no, well, you have to decide if you can continue to pick up the slack financially.

I believe that parents living with you should pay their way and what they can afford. She should be paying for any of her personal needs. Dr.bills, prescriptions, toiletries. But, does she really use that much more electric. Heating and cooling the house is not costing you more because she lives there, is it.

Your profile says she has a Dementia. If so, going to be hard to have her sign a contract but that is what you need. Medicaid needs proof that her money is going towards her care.

Have you considered Adult Foster Care? It is a government run program and if your mom qualifies you could be paid for taking care of her and it is tax free. I would contact Medicaid and see if she qualifies. There is also a frail waiver if she makes too much money from SS.

My Dad would pay if I let him. He has one account which his pension goes into. My brother has POA and handles his other accounts, which he doesn't really need to use. We buy the groceries and Dad contributes enough although he thinks he doesn't. He uses his one account to pay any donations he's subscribed to through the church. He gave us way too much when he moved in which I've put in a safe account and don't touch it. My.brother sounded a bit iffy about it. Saying don't use it to go on a holiday ( What a laugh!! We never get on a holiday like my siblings and their families do ) We've got 2 dogs and 3 cats plus my Dad to look after)

Thank you for all the advice and comments. I am learning a lot. I've been at this a year so I'm learning. Thank you all for your replies.