I am trying hard to find a solution. Home aid was the first step but it is not enough.
I know it helps me during my working hours but then... Were I a primary school girl asked to draw her house, I would draw it like a prison with me crying inside.
I know I am ill, I am not just sad or tired... I am depressed and burnt out.
My husband says I am pessimistic but I am just facing the truth : this situation can go on for years but I can't.
We talked about a nursing home or 24h in home care but Saturdays afternoons and Sundays would still be on me or I should pay 2 people and I do not know if we can afford that.
A facility seems to be the best solution for me... But is it also for my mom? Moreover there are long waiting lists so I don't what to do in the meantime.
How did you decide what to do?
Every weekend is worse... I am losing interest in everything. I am just glad I am going to work tomorrow not to be in here.
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You’re drained. You do need respite. You have to do what is best overall for everyone involved. You would get rest and your mom would be cared for.
If you decide on a facility your mom would be cared for. You can visit and be her daughter again without the stress of being a caregiver.
All the best.
Here in the US at age 62 we can start collecting Social Security. We also have Medicaid for those who cannot afford a Longterm care facility or may need aides for help. Medicaid is based on the monthly income of the individual. The income of those he/she may live with are not factored in. Do you have such services in Italy?
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I have a plan B and I will ask our aid to stay here for 3 or 4 days... She already told me she will not do more nights.
I hired her through an agency but here in Italy it means I pay the agency but that's it no social worker or psy.
I will call the social worker of my town though...
And I will find someone to have at least a free Sunday
Here's an idea that might work if you can't get a respite stay for your mom in the time for your holidays in August.
Maybe advertise and look for a nursing student who is looking to pick up a few weeks of work and a little money before school starts back up.
I went to nursing school and knew students who did this in the summer to make some money and to get practical work experience too.
I'll say a prayer for you and I really hope you get to go on your holidays.
You say there's homecare aides coming to your house. If they are through an agency and not private-pay, then the agency they work will have nurses on staff and at least one social worker. Call them and ask to have a meeting with their social worker. They will be able help you in how to find a living situation that's best suited to your mother's needs.
In the meantime if you really need some time off, there are nursing homes and other types of elder care facilities that offer respite care which is a temporary short-stay. Respite care can be anywhere from a few days to several weeks. If your mom goes into a place for a respite stay, that will give you time to meet with a social worker and maybe check out a few nursing homes, AL's, or senior living communities. I wish you the best of luck.
Start looking for a Facility that will meet her needs. Assisted Living or Memory Care if that is what is needed.
You could also look into the possibility of Hospice. At least with Hospice you will have someone that will come in a few days a week to help for a little while.
One of the advantages of hospice would also be that working with the Social Worker they may be able to find a Facility that will have an opening before one would normally come. (Hate to be blunt about it but...with a patient on Hospice a facility may realize that the person will not be around for years so a bed might become available)
To your question would a facility be best for your mom....having you burnt out, tired, frustrated, possibly angry probably does not do wonders for your mom either. I am sure she would rather see you more relaxed and more like her daughter than a caregiver.
This does not mean you are giving up, it means you can focus on making sure your mom gets the best care possible.
Will it be hard? Of course it will. But anything worthwhile in life usually is. So please don't delay in getting mom on that waiting list. I wish you the very best. May God give you His strength to do what you know is right and best.