Mom is new to Residential Care. She is insisting to have large sums of cash and way too many of her "Nice Things". Advice?

Yeah, no. My advice is to get her fake cubic zirconia 'diamond' rings and bracelets, and give her no more than $20 in 'spending money' which won't be spent b/c there's nowhere to spend it. Get her a small lock box with a key to store her 'valuables' in, and that's it. My mother is 94 and lives in Memory Care Assisted Living in a private room. As it is, the caregivers are 'stealing' her old bras and eating up 'all of her snacks' which naturally isn't true, so if I were to bring her cash or her expensive jewelry, fuggedaboutit. Someone would be 'stealing' it on a daily basis, I guarantee it. She too continuously asks me to bring her the 2.5 karat solitaire engagement ring she NEVER EVER wore but wants to wear now to 'show off' to the other residents who she claims 'wear huge diamonds and fancy jewelry' which is a lie. She needs to keep up with the Joneses is what runs through her mind. Fact is, none of the women there wear more than a wedding ring, including my MOTHER!

It's a mess waiting to happen if you comply with your mother's wishes. I'd tell her the RC forbids cash and expensive jewelry to be in the residents' rooms, and that's that. To take it up with the management if she has an issue with it, and then change the subject. Whenever I tell my mother to 'fight her own battles', that's usually enough to get her to drop the subject!

Good luck!

Tell her it isn't allowed -- period, end of discussion. Then get that stuff out of there ASAP.

Your Mom has Dementia she can no longer make informed decisions. I would not take in jewelry or money. They will be stolen. Like said, tell her its not allowed. And that roommate is paying for half of that room. If she had nothing on her side, Mom does not fill it up. She only gets her area. Not sure how you are going to get around this. Maybe you can get an aide or Nurse to tell Mom she is limited in what she can have. May listen to them better than u. My Mom did.

Her “nice things” are going to disappear. Between residents with dementia who have “happy hands”, visitors who see an easy mark, less than stellar staff and then those things that flat go into the garbage or down the sink or toilet. Plus they inevitably find a new friend and give them things & vice versa. My mom had couple of shoe boxes full of hair accessories, she somehow acquired. Not just clips & barrettes but those “fascinators”. How it happened was a mystery she went with to her grave.

Are you totally good on losing her good jewelry? If not, then swap stuff out for costume jewelry. The facility is not responsible for things lost, misplaced, stolen, etc.

she cannot be taking over her roommate space. Things like this can be a real problem. If her roomie is in a well established group or lunch bunch, she will tell the others and mom will get frozen out. Mean Girls NH version. When you go to visit her and find she’s taken over roomie’s space, please just quietly move things back, take stuff down. Eventually she will stop.

Please Don’t bring her more stuff, just take control of the situation.

The large sums of cash & nice things will be off her hands probably before sunset. Sigh.

I've seen many ladies with fake jewels, thrift shop purses with photocopied cash in it.

I hope you don't learn the hard way 😕

Can you buy her some "fake" big rocks to impress the others? And tell her she can get money as she needs it, but the CH wont let her have cash on site? I agree with getting insurance if you can..

Absolutely don’t go through the heartache of dealing with theft. MIL1 wanted her engagement ring when she first went to the NH. A man came in, asked to look at it, then walked off with it before she even worked out who he was. We came to the conclusion that it was probably the partner of a previous in-home carer. MIL2 wanted money. DH gave her a purse with less than $50 in it, topped it up each visit, and talked with her about what she’d spent it on (which she enjoyed telling him).

The theft heartache is not just about mother’s loss, it’s the worry of whoodunnit, accusations against staff, other residents, reports to police etc. Just bad bad news. Don’t rely on insurance – you can’t insure your heart!

Isn’t it interesting how your mom wants to impress others with her jewelry? That generation were part of the Hollywood ‘glamour’ era. My mom once wore make up for cataract surgery! 😆 hahaha

Mom loved dressing up! That generation never wanted to look like they were home doing housework. Mom put on lipstick to walk to her mailbox!

Still, I agree with others, buy her inexpensive costume jewelry to wear. Hey, I like the suggestion made about the ‘realistic fake money’ too. Maybe inform the staff that she has it in case she tries to buy something. I don’t know the specific policies at her facility. I know of some residents in our assisted living facilities that will have take out food delivered to them in their rooms.

I would hate to see your mom’s jewelry stolen. My dad’s watch was stolen in a nursing home that he did rehab in after his stroke. Unfortunately, thefts can occur.

As others have already said, the best thing you can do is get anything of value, esp cash, out of there! Fake money and nice expensive looking fake jewelry is okay. The rest, nope. If she had her own room with a locking door, maybe, but it would still be iffy because staff will likely come in to clean, get laundry, etc.

IF she can still understand, I would tell her you will keep it safe and can bring certain items for wearing if you are going out with her. In most cases, there shouldn't be a need for cash (my mother was the same way at home - she kept a stash, but no idea if she used it all up or it was taken. She had shown me years ago a stash she kept on hand in case she "had to get outta here." Get out of here and go where? If you drive or fly, credit cards will pay. If you eat out, same thing. Cash - I almost never have any and I get by just fine!

It's just too easy for someone to walk into a room and walk off with stuff. In mom's MC unit, it was locked down, so if another resident took something (it isn't really stealing for them!) eventually it might show up. Mom's diamond and wedding band went missing before the move to MC. Suspect is one of the aides we tried hiring, only 1 hr/day, to get her used to it, but that didn't last when she refused to let them in. I haven't been through every box of jewelry, so it could show up, but I doubt it. She was wearing some other ring I'd never seen before, so perhaps the aide swapped with her? Even nice clothes can go AWOL. When mom passed, they still weren't allowing anyone in, esp not the MC unit, so they boxed up everything. Going through the stuff, I've found random towels that were not hers and several items of clothing that were definitely not hers (too small.) Despite telling me each person's laundry is done separately, it isn't. When we were going to ditch her undies and put briefs in place, there were many of those stretchy undies - NEVER had she worn those! In the boxes, there were MORE. I tossed all of them. Most of the clothes, whether hers or not, will be stuffed in a donation box. Towels - setting them aside for use with the cats here.

It's best to keep anything that is "nice" and of value, whether actual or sentimental, out of these places. It doesn't always happen, but why take that chance? Have them stored so that when needed you can access these items. Otherwise, keep them at home and NO cash (fake money or a very very small amount - instead of a $10 bill, give her 10 singles, as it looks like more to them!_

Your Mom is not competent to make this decision, so it is a simple "Oh, no, we can't possibly do that; it is NOT ALLOWED." That for the money.
As to the things, she should be allowed to have as much of her personal stuff as will fit into her personal space. She can discuss with roommates what they think about the communal areas, but I would think rules will limit her to her own space, which of course has to be kept safe and clutter free for mobility concerns.
You will have to learn to tell her that some things are not possible. The cash is one of them.