Does anyone have any tips or helpful resources for deailing with aggressive behaviors from people with dementia?

My mother was violent and combative (she screamed and hit my father for 3 days and finally eyed up the kitchen knives and said that she would happily slit our throats if she didn't think there would be consequences). I called the Elder Abuse Hotline who referred me to the right person at Social Services (same dept as child abuse). Once sectioned, she was medicated with Seroquel (anti psychotic) and later combined with an anti depressant. Huge improvement and no aggression, she's not a zombie either. She's at home with me and I've been able to bring the dosage down too. Hang in there.

What is happening? Is Mom in pain? Can be a factor (arthritis is a beast). Fear? A huge one.

I was told yesterday "now all you kids have grown up & it's time you MOVED OUT! This is MY house & I don't need you here". (I am an assistant on staff on the orthopeadic ward of the local hospital).

So we backed off. This lady needed space. She can swear, hit out. Tried for a grab of my hair (but I'm a good dodger).

Tell me about about your Mom.

Aggression is communication: Unmet needs.

She needs an evaluation and possibly change of medication, although she has a placement, it remains your responsibility to see to her being able to be a good fit, or she places others at risk to include staff, it sounds like she is not on medications for her aggression and if so, need another evaluation. Cognitive changes are not always due to dementia some people have decline as they have lived, some people are sweet, mild mannered and docile, ask about their previous character and you will hear similar. However, despite what we see as truth, these issues tend to become more apparent with people who were not at all easy to deal with, and for some reason we expect more of them as they decline. They are usually the combatants, bullies, and this is exactly why placement does not work. You might need to address reality of who she was prior to all of these changes, my experience is that truly these are not new, and at times intentional to get attention from staff and bully other residents. I recall a lady who was placed on pedestal reportedly by her late spouse, she gave staff and others grief to act as if he was alive, coming to get her, and adult children called repeatedly for her actions that were temper tantrums. Knew spouse was dead, but her actions were, "I am the queen here pay attention to me." Staff has no way to give this type of attention, so yes if not calmed down, they do not need her to stay there, possibly hot a waiting list., must do something or you will be attending a discharge meeting and will need private care from your home. Sorry, so many things none of us are prepared for until too late, and then we still try to see they are in control, they are not, when they call you to get her, you will see that you are Responsible for her now. Hope you have siblings and an alternative plan of care.

My mom had the same issues. It was scary and the meds offered (anti-psychotics) made her worse as she experienced what is termed a paradoxical effect. I turned to cannabis. I started with pure CBD at different levels and I tried topicals and tinctures. I kept upping the dosages until I saw improvement. I used 30:1 and 20:1. Currently mom is taking a 18:1 soft gel made by Care By Design. We have had zero violent episodes and aggressive language is all but absent. She is NOT stoned, can walk and functioning better than I've seen since her diagnosis.

Our dad became this way as his dementia progressed and he too was going to be placed in Geriatric hospital but there was no openings at the time so he was on a waiting list. In the meantime, we got his doctor involved and he placed dad on Depakote. It really helped. Other things we found out was that the NH staff was not adequately trained on how to handle situations like this with residents. Several would gang up on dad and that only increased the aggression. We had a Frank talk with the director of nursing and told her about the Teepa Snow videos online to use for handling residents with dementia. She was grateful and was going to use them for in service training. How she hadn’t heard of them before is astounding to me. Also, I want to ask if your mom would be better in MC at this stage?

Aside from the usual answers of getting proper medication, distractions when they explode, other placement, etc. I go one step further. I know what is wrong with them and have been terribly harmed by them but it also taught me things along the way. First, try the kind, patient way to solve things - it won't work, believe me. Then I get very tough and literally threaten them with severe consequences if they don't stop (no, I would not hurt a flea but they don't know that). I stand very firm and tough that I will not under any circumstances tolerate their behavior and will tell them some terrible consequences if they don't stop at once. First they rebel but when they see I am serious, they get scared and they will stop. End result achieved. It works, believe me.

ecmcellen,

Please follow Bernermom’s advice. She handled her situation with aggressive behavior properly. No one should have to live in fear of someone that they are caring for, even if the one that they are caring for can’t help it. Both of you need help before it gets worse.

Once I was helping out a neighbor whose son has severe autism. He was a non verbal very large and strong teenager at the time. I am very small, always have been.

I had sat with him since he was a toddler and while he had temper tantrums, he wasn’t ever violent with me.

Well, he became aggressive with me. I did the same thing as Bernermom, I reported the incident. I was black and blue after his attack. He was so strong that there was no way that I could defend myself. Plus, he was over six feet and 200 plus pounds. I am five feet and just over 100 pounds.

His mom confessed that he frequently attacked her and his grandmother! Unfortunately, meds didn’t work for him because my neighbor had been a nurse at one time and thought that she knew best and would adjust his meds without consulting his psychiatrist.

Poor kid was probably going through withdrawals because of her haphazard ways. As much as I felt badly for her, I stopped sitting with him. It was terrifying to be attacked by him.

I felt badly for my neighbor as a single mom who never had time for herself so I used to help her out when needed. This poor woman does everything for her son, wipes him after going to the bathroom, bathes him, shaves his face, brushes his teeth, etc. He can feed himself. Her daughter and my daughter were friends at school.

I was glad when she moved out of our neighborhood because I couldn’t stand seeing her covered in bruises. Last time I heard, he’s in his late 20’s and still beating up his mom. She has tried to kill herself twice due to the stress.

Please don’t accept any abuse. You could end up in a very dark place if you continue to remain in a vicious cycle. There is help out there. Reach out. No one deserves to be abused.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Speak with her doctor, and if necessary, get a specialist in elder medicine who can prescribe medications to calm her. Finding the right medication can be trial and error, balancing side effects, dosages etc. Be observant as you try medications to make sure they are working for her.

It sounds like she may need to have a new needs assessment and placement in a facility that is a higher level of care.

I hope that they find something that helps her calm down. Imagine how scared someone is to act like this.

Just a simple answer..... she is in the wrong place.