My father has multi factorial dementia, and a heart condition, he is a Vietnam vet and on Medicare. He did not set up ANYTHING for his retirement, life insurance etc so literally he gets less than 3 grand a month. He lives with me and my husband, we are his caretakers. We are doing all we can to take care of him but I feel he needs to go to a nursing home. Reason for this is because everything is a fight and I no longer feel like I can take care of him. He can't be left alone, he smokes over a pack a day and is constantly being reckless w/the cigs which puts me and my fam at risk. He is angry and combative all the time, refuses to shower, doesn't want his meds etc. The mental toll this is putting on me and my marriage is horrible and I'm so tired. I can't afford to take on his financial responsibilities to pay for him to go to a retirement community. I can't get help from the VA because they will only talk to him and he won't help us. Someone please help.. I have no idea where to go, what to do. Only lesson learned so far is that I will never do this to my children. Do nothing and expect everything.
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Has he given you POA? IF HE REFUSES, is there ANYONE who Can and Will encourage him to do so? At some point you may need to inform him that you will no longer to be able to provide for him without the POA.
If you receive no help from that your local VA rep, go a step higher.
DON’T USE YOUR MONEY to pay for his needs, and keep an exact record of what his money is spent on.
If he’s been FORMALLY DIAGNOSED with dementia and you have DOCUMENTATION to that effect, you may be able to push for guardianship and/or have guardianship granted to the state.
Your situation isn’t hopeless but you do have to be very strong about NOT ACCEPTING being pushed aside when you try to get information.
His safety is important, BUT NO MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURS.
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