She is in AL. I have her car. She insists she is moving out and she says she needs her car in order to find a new place to live. I am at a loss as to what to say when she tells me she needs to know how to get to my house to get her car. I stupidly attempt to reason with her by letting her know that she needs to take a driving test with DMV, then get the battery charged, then finally get the car registered and insured. She says I can't do all that, can you help me? I let her know that people who drive have to be able to handle all of that themselves. The conversation just goes round and round. Suggestions for responses to her request? She is very difficult to distract and just keeps returning to her question of how do I get my car? I need to drive. I need to get out of here. Distraction or diverting the conversation is not second nature to me yet. Suggestions for what to say to her?
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YB 'inherited' the car, which is the one he drives her around in---and when he parks it, the parking brake is pulled to the limit, further keeping her from driving.
She hasn't driven for almost 10 years--so it really isn't an issue now, but she has enough friends her age whe ARE still driving that it makes her feel minimized.
It's a hard thing for most people to give up--esp if they are forced to do so.
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This is a hard one especially because most of moms life she was a delivery driver. Give yourself a break.... distraction takes a long time to learn and it is really hard with your own mother....she raised you ,hard to fool her, my heart goes out to you.
The one thing that helped me get through this was knowing how bad my mom would feel if she hurt anyone or anything driving. That as our way of saving her from that.
Disabling it if it's still located where she can see it/get to it can work for some, but others either tinker with cars (mostly men) or can call help. It's best to really disable it (kill switch or the Club steering wheel lock) and then remove it, so out of sight, eventually out of mind!
Have you tried just telling her that her Dr. won't let her drive any more and that we will have to talk to the Dr. before you can allow her to get her car back? That way it's the Dr.'s fault, and not yours. Or honestly just going along with whatever she is saying, is probably your best bet. If she says she's moving out and needs her car, just agree and tell her yes, you're right, we'll need to work on that----tomorrow. Wishing you the very best.
Your mother has no interest in the car, but the mode of departure to meet her ends.
I would mention that she can no longer safely drive but can wait for the bus, and you could walk and sit with her if she is keen to action this immediately. If it is getting late, you might ask her to return tomorrow for the morning bus.
I guess it sounds a bit cruel, but in their mind they are being proactive in pursuing their objectives.
Don't answer her every time she asks. This might help with the repeating loop.
As for the moving out part. Tell her that is her home and that she isn't moving anywhere because she can't afford to. Then as a last resort if she gets in a repeating loop about moving, tell her that the next move will be to a nursing home. That her doctor wanted to try AL first before putting her in one. Even with moderate dementia, many times just the mention of a nursing home is enough to break a repeating loop.
Of course, you'll reassure her that you'll drive her (always in your own car!) - And if you need to at that moment, take her for a drive, a simple sightseeing cruise or a stop for an ice cream. Talk about anything other than cars.
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