Need help dealing with a demanding, hateful elder. She blames her daughter for being in the assisted living home and is mean and hurting her emotionally. Taking a toll on all of the children and their ability to deal with elder.
For whom? For mom? For the family? Consider a psychiatrist for mom. My mom was an absolute nightmare until we found a psychiatrist who got her on the right medication. It was a miracle. She went from raging to being content. She is pleasant now. Content.
For your Mom? Won't help because she can no longer be reasoned with. She is in her own little world. She has lost the ability to show empathy.
Your sister has to learn to let what Mom says run off her back. This person is not the mother she new or ever will be. Her brain is broken. Dementia has no ryhmn or reason. Sister has to back off when Mom gets going. Don't answer the phone. Let Mom get used to the aides caring for her. She is safe, care for and fed.
Either one. If a Social Worker make certain that this is a Licensed Social Worker with special training in life transitions counseling. In general you can only do this work for YOURSELF. Not for other children. That is for them to deal with as they wish, or not.
You can suggest either a social worker or a therapist but that doesn’t mean that she is willing to speak to someone. Very often, stubborn people always blame others for issues. She has to want help in order to receive it.
All I can say is to set boundaries. Don’t be willing to accept something that isn’t appropriate for you. At the same time, respect her as a human being. If a person feels worthless, they most likely won’t have any incentive to improve their situation. Life is terribly bleak without any hope. Then again. some situations are complicated by mental illness or cognitive decline and seem to be a hopeless situation. It’s very frustrating to say the least.
Try to find a healthy balance for all parties involved. This is easier said than done when everyone is stressed out and wanting to prove their point. Make it known that each person is equally important in a family.
I was told by a therapist that family members often treat each other the absolute worst. Most people wouldn’t dare treat anyone else as badly as they do with members of their own family. I find this to be true in many cases. People will hurt those closest to them the most. They take them for granted. This is why setting boundaries are so important.
How long has your mom been in the ALF? It may take awhile for her to adjust. sometimes it’s best to stay away awhile. Let the staff guide you. Always remember that a sudden acceleration of dementia like behavior may be a sign that she has a UTI. Ask that she be tested. If your LO continues to act out it could be that her medication needs adjusting. I know it’s very difficult to see our parents in distress and more difficult for the one being blamed. The support of her siblings is so helpful. I’m glad you are there for sister. If mom is being cared for, perhaps that’s as good as it gets for awhile. Give her space. Hopefully she will adjust.
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Consider a psychiatrist for mom. My mom was an absolute nightmare until we found a psychiatrist who got her on the right medication. It was a miracle. She went from raging to being content. She is pleasant now. Content.
Your sister has to learn to let what Mom says run off her back. This person is not the mother she new or ever will be. Her brain is broken. Dementia has no ryhmn or reason. Sister has to back off when Mom gets going. Don't answer the phone. Let Mom get used to the aides caring for her. She is safe, care for and fed.
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All I can say is to set boundaries. Don’t be willing to accept something that isn’t appropriate for you. At the same time, respect her as a human being. If a person feels worthless, they most likely won’t have any incentive to improve their situation. Life is terribly bleak without any hope. Then again. some situations are complicated by mental illness or cognitive decline and seem to be a hopeless situation. It’s very frustrating to say the least.
Try to find a healthy balance for all parties involved. This is easier said than done when everyone is stressed out and wanting to prove their point. Make it known that each person is equally important in a family.
I was told by a therapist that family members often treat each other the absolute worst. Most people wouldn’t dare treat anyone else as badly as they do with members of their own family. I find this to be true in many cases. People will hurt those closest to them the most. They take them for granted. This is why setting boundaries are so important.
Best wishes to your family.
Always remember that a sudden acceleration of dementia like behavior may be a sign that she has a UTI. Ask that she be tested. If your LO continues to act out it could be that her medication needs adjusting. I know it’s very difficult to see our parents in distress and more difficult for the one being blamed. The support of her siblings is so helpful. I’m glad you are there for sister. If mom is being cared for, perhaps that’s as good as it gets for awhile. Give her space. Hopefully she will adjust.