Just leave her alone. You cannot change this type of behavior. I know it’s difficult to want to “fix” the situation, but you can’t. As others have mentioned, please find an experienced counselor to help you work through this. No one should be treated like this.
I am quite sure that by now you are painfully aware that we cannot change anyone else’s behavior. Please allow yourself to believe that we can absolutely change our own behavior by reacting suitably in matters such as this.
I will address your last sentence, “I have always tried to love her!” We become confused about our emotions regarding love. Many of us have often felt that if we give all of our love to others, they will receive our love and it will be returned with love, appreciation and respect. This isn’t always true, no matter how much love we give to them.
It’s horrible to find ourselves caught in a situation where everything is one sided. You gave until it hurt. Love was not returned.
Often times we are too close to the situation to see things clearly. A therapist will provide an objective assessment which hopefully will lead you to gain a healthy perspective on your situation regarding a dysfunctional relationship with your mom.
We can love people as family members but absolutely hate their outlook on life.
We don’t even have to remain in their lives. I know this is hard for some people, they can’t bring themselves to go ‘no contact.’ I can tell you that most people who have gone no contact for good reasons have not regretted it.
In the end, only you can decide what to do. Keep an open mind. Let go of what you can’t change. It’s futile to live in misery. You deserve better. Seek joy in other ways. You will soon find out what really matters in your life. It just may surprise you, that the things you let go of were not the most important after all.
I can only echo AlvaDeer. You can not make anyone love you. You can change how you react to them. the best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation if at all possible. You do not need to have any contact with them. And for your own self preservation it is best that you don't. If they decide that they want a relationship once again it is up to you to decide to accept it or not, but be prepared for the same type of treatment if they fully have not understood that what they did hurt you. If you have a good relationship with your brother that's fine. When your mom dies you can contest any will she leaves if you so wish. I strongly suggest that you see a counselor or a therapist if you think you need it, do not think this is your fault, or do not feel "guilty". It is not your fault that your mom is an addict just know that you can not change her.
You deal with it by moving on with your life far away from the abuse and dysfunction. And along with getting some therapy, you make sure that you make a conscious choice to not pass along to your family the dysfunction you were raised in. And thank God that you at least had a father that loved you. In time you will hopefully realize that no inheritance is worth putting up with all the abuse and dysfunction, and down right bull****, that your mother is putting you through. It will all be ok, don't worry. your mom will eventually reap what she has sown.
5 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I will address your last sentence, “I have always tried to love her!” We become confused about our emotions regarding love. Many of us have often felt that if we give all of our love to others, they will receive our love and it will be returned with love, appreciation and respect. This isn’t always true, no matter how much love we give to them.
It’s horrible to find ourselves caught in a situation where everything is one sided. You gave until it hurt. Love was not returned.
Often times we are too close to the situation to see things clearly. A therapist will provide an objective assessment which hopefully will lead you to gain a healthy perspective on your situation regarding a dysfunctional relationship with your mom.
We can love people as family members but absolutely hate their outlook on life.
We don’t even have to remain in their lives. I know this is hard for some people, they can’t bring themselves to go ‘no contact.’ I can tell you that most people who have gone no contact for good reasons have not regretted it.
In the end, only you can decide what to do. Keep an open mind. Let go of what you can’t change. It’s futile to live in misery. You deserve better. Seek joy in other ways. You will soon find out what really matters in your life. It just may surprise you, that the things you let go of were not the most important after all.
ADVERTISEMENT
You can not make anyone love you.
You can change how you react to them.
the best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation if at all possible.
You do not need to have any contact with them. And for your own self preservation it is best that you don't.
If they decide that they want a relationship once again it is up to you to decide to accept it or not, but be prepared for the same type of treatment if they fully have not understood that what they did hurt you.
If you have a good relationship with your brother that's fine.
When your mom dies you can contest any will she leaves if you so wish.
I strongly suggest that you see a counselor or a therapist if you think you need it, do not think this is your fault, or do not feel "guilty". It is not your fault that your mom is an addict just know that you can not change her.
In time you will hopefully realize that no inheritance is worth putting up with all the abuse and dysfunction, and down right bull****, that your mother is putting you through.
It will all be ok, don't worry. your mom will eventually reap what she has sown.