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Uttoxeter3 Asked June 2021

I run a business and am receiving multiple calls per day from a customer with memory loss. Advice needed on how to handle it.

I have received multiple calls per day (5-10 calls) from a man who is making an inquiry. It's somewhat related to my business (I'm a photographer, he is calling about printed photographs), but it's not something we actually offer. Initially, as I felt he needed help, I offered to advise him. He then called back later that day (a few hours later) and made the very same inquiry, like we hadn't spoken before. The gentleman is now calling 5-10 times per day, every time with the same inquiry. Each call is quite long winded, as he wants to go over every point each time and tell us in detail about the photographs he has. Sadly he cannot remember calling before, so every time for him is a new inquiry.


Part of the inquiry is that he wants to get some photographs printed. I offered to call by his house and collect the photographs (at his request) as he lives only 2 minutes away. Every time I have showed up at the house nobody answers the door. Whenever I telephone and say who I am and why I'm calling he doesn't remember me / tells me now isn't convenient. I haven't been able to actually meet him in person, although I have tried 4 times now.


At first he wanted me to collect the photographs he wanted printed. Last time I spoke to him (a few hours ago) he said the photographs are so important he would refuse to part with them or let them out of his sight. I said that wouldn't be possible as we need to send them off for printing. This agitated him, which I didn't intend to do.


I will admit this is not an area I have any experience with and I am struggling to know how to handle it. When he calls, and goes over the same thing each time, I listen and say politely that we'd spoken before, but I think this is obviously only confusing him more.


He has became very agitated / rude sometimes, so it's obviously causing him stress. Apparently a person he knows (I asked who but he said he didn't want to tell me) wrote down our business number on his telephone pad, hence why he keeps calling.


I am now considering writing a letter for him, which I could put through his letterbox, explaining that we have spoken and we did try to help but we do not offer the service he required. I could then write down some contact details for other local businesses who may be able to help. Would this be of use to him, or just cause more confusion?


I'm concerned about his wellbeing, but ultimately there isn't much I can do beyond try and help / remind him we don't offer this service. I would like for the calls to stop, ideally, as they take up about 10-15 minutes of my time every time he calls. Leaving it to go to voicemail also results in very long voicemail messages.


Is there a better way I could be handling this so I can clearly communicate to him we cannot help with this inquiry and ultimately get him to stop calling?

my2cents Jun 2021
Do google search for the man and possible related family members. I can usually find people that way. Check tax appraisal records for that house to see if the tax bill is mailed to an address other than his house - indicator someone else in the family managing financial affairs. Perhaps ask a neighbor if they happen to know any relatives and would they give you a phone number to call them - or- would neighbor call to give them your name/number.

Does Walgreens or CVS make copies of pictures anymore while you wait?

Maybe send a letter: You asked for help to get copies of your pictures, but my company cannot do this for you. XX company can make copies for you while you wait so you don't have to leave such important pictures with a stranger. (It's possible someone that comes to check on him would read the letter)

If you can't track anyone down, about the only thing you could do is callerID the number and don' answer. Seems sad to do since you're trying to help the old guy, but not much else you can do for him.

nuttyprof Jun 2021
Try to get information on a family member or neighbor b4 call adult services; but if not able to then make that call. I commend you for caring as well; and agree re letting call go to VM at least part of the time.
I love the idea of going over to pick up what he wanted as you could also go talk to a neighbor if/when he doesn't answer then.

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Countrymouse Jun 2021
This may seem extreme, but I promise you it isn't: call APS. As you have his name and contact details - yes? - you'll be able to do what I wished I could do in similar circumstances a few years back, namely raise a concern about a vulnerable adult.

It was a long time ago and I can't remember what the gentleman wanted exactly, but in my memory I will always think of him as Mr "I'm a grandpa, you see." The poor old soul had my telephone number, heaven knows how, and rang every couple of weeks for a couple of years. I worked from home as a freelancer and couldn't not answer. I used to listen to his worries and say what consoling words I could, but I didn't like to ask for confidential information and had no way of informing social services about him.

I wonder what's become of him.

You have more practical difficulties, because your gentleman's bee in his bonnet is at least vaguely relevant to your business and it's possible there actually is a project someone else could manage to his benefit. Call APS, they can respond, and perhaps get in touch with the gentleman or better yet his family and let that bee out safely :)

P.S. If that's Uttoxeter in Staffordshire, you want Adult Social Care - you'll find the contact details on the county website.

Makeadifference Jun 2021
I would get a welfare check, and do not go over there anymore. There has been enough attempts on your part.

You are too kind, and he needs more assistance than you can give him.

Maryjann Jun 2021
I have nothing to offer, but you are a caring, patient, and all-around nice person. May you be blessed.

Grandma1954 Jun 2021
Allow his calls to go to Voice Mail if possible. At the end of the day just delete the messages. Or if you can limit the length of the message that might help, or it will result in more calls so he can leave the full message.
If you are concerned you might want to contact the police, explain the situation and ask for a well being check. If nothing is amiss it will at least be an address that they are familiar with in case something does arise later.

sp19690 Jun 2021
I would use call block to block his number. Going over to a strangers house regardless of the fact that he sounded old and confused was a dangerous thing to do. The serial killer/rapist in California that they caught due to ancestry matching was just a seemingly elderly man. Just because a person seems old and feeble does not mean they really are. It's really not you job to go talk to the neighbors, etc. If you feel bad for the man call the local police and have them do a wellness check. Though that wont stop his calls to you.

There is a reason they say no good deed goes unpunished.

JoAnn29 Jun 2021
Since you know where he lives, I would talk to a neighbor to see if they have contact info for the man's family. If not, I would call Adult Protection Services, explain ur problem and ask if they can do a "well check". A letter will not help.
Live247 Jun 2021
Your advice is spot on. Many years ago one day out of the blue, I got a call from adult protective services in the state/city where my LO lived, to tell me an "anonymous neighbor had reported elder abuse" on my LO. This man was there to make a report and see what was going on. At the time I lived 1.5K miles away. Talking on the phone, my LO seemed conversant. So when this man from Protective Services called me, I was offended he thought my LO had Alzheimers and I got quite upset. Long story short, the reality was my LO was in a terrible situation and had it not been for this anonymous neighbor reporting it to Protective Services for a wellness check, I wouldn't have known anything until way too late. This kind woman OP has gone far and above trying to contact this man and I second the recommendation to contact Adult Protective Services for a wellness check.
Abigail13 Jun 2021
I've worked in an Assisted Living Facility. Also worked in its memory care unit. I was a concierge. Nothing quite like a person with dementia issues with a telephone. In that situation, after all of that, it sounds awful, but I would block the number. You don't want to do business with a person like that. They should not be in charge of any money. I had clients call the law on people with whom they had done legitimate business with.

AmberJay Jun 2021
Oh my! You are a treasure! Thank you for being a good and kind person. It goes a long way these days.
My mother-in-law. One day not too long ago, we got a phone call from my husband's, very concerned, aunt. My mil had been making phone calls to ppl and was begging for help. Said we leave her for days, never feed her, never talk to her, etc...😳😯😬😵😵
Once she called the phone company, had them turn off the phones - and it took THREE MONTHS to finally get it fixed! Yelp, her telephone gossiping days are all done.
I have noticed that she tends to latch onto statements that someone interacts warmly to. For example, she tells a story about having to cross a river to get to school. I once engaged with her over the details, so now I get that story about 45 times a week, and it's told exactly that same fabricated way every time.
It can be that the folks taking care of this man don't have a clue this is going on. Could be that your kindness is simply on his instant-replay-on-demand button.
If you like, you can check it out, but be aware you may not be directly connected to the real world.
Again, sincere thanks and some hugs for being a good hooman! You're today's hero!

Midkid58 Jun 2021
You are being overly kind and that is a nice thing to see in the world these days.

You need to get caller ID. I doubt the amount of time you're spending chatting with this non-client is going to pay out at all.

Don't get yourself too involved in his life. Sounds like he's stuck in a loop and you can't solve it. Bless your heart, though!
Uttoxeter3 Jun 2021
Thank you for this reply. It's luckily not something I've had to experience or deal with before. I wasn't sure if ignoring the calls was an "okay" thing to do, considering the circumstances but it appears that may be our only option.
Violet2021 Jun 2021
Wow! This is a new one. First , thank you for being sensitive and understanding about this. Just gonna throw out some ideas. Do u know if any of his family to contact? Any of his friends? How about his neighbors? Sending him a letter might not work as he could read it and forget he even received it. Do u know if he lives alone? Does his dwelling look like it isn’t being kept up? Also try calling your states senior care dept.Ask for advice. I don’t mean u have to get involved with his situation but obviously this man has some kind of memory issue which could mean he is having other problems. Is there a church near where he lives? Maybe the clergy there know of this man. I am trying to think what I would do in your shoes and I don’t really have a good answer. Let us know how this works out. Somebody on this site may be going thru this same situation or had experienced something like this. Again, thank u for being a decent human being for caring enough to ask.
Uttoxeter3 Jun 2021
Thanks for the reply. I do not know this gentleman, but I could speak to a neighbour as a last resort (although I do not know them they may have more of an idea). I am presuming he lives alone, but this isn't confirmed 100%. His house doesn't look too terrible, but likewise it doesn't look the best (perhaps its fairer to say it looks like a lot of older peoples homes who maybe have fallen behind on the upkeep).

I went to the local pharmacy to speak to them, as I thought this might be a possible place to start, but they had no advice to offer and recommended calling the local authority.

I'd like to help him, but also somewhat selfishly I'd also like the calls to be able to stop - but I'm aware it's a sensitive situation.
funkygrandma59 Jun 2021
Do you not have caller ID on your business phone, so that when his number comes up, you can just let it go to voicemail?
Sounds like you have gone above and beyond thus far, more than most would do, so bless you for that, but it's obvious that this can't continue, as you have a business to run. You can try the letter approach and see if you have any better luck with that, but I probably wouldn't hold your breath. You can only do but so much. Again, bless you for trying though. Sorry I don't really have any other advise for you. Good luck.
Uttoxeter3 Jun 2021
Thank you for the kind words. I will try the letter and see how I get on, I am not confident it'll work but yes we do have caller ID and I have advised staff to not take the calls while I work this out. Thanks for the reply.

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