How do I get an elderly abusive parent in a nursing home?

If she hits one of you, then call the police and have her removed. If she gets violent, call the police and have her removed. Tell the ER or whomever you can no longer care for her, she is a threat to ur family.

With my GFs father he was transported to a Psychiatric hospital for evaluation. He was there until the correct meds were found for him and then transported to a MC facility. I doubt a facility will take her as long as she has this problem. They need to protect the other residents.

Hi Jeanie818- I’ve read both of your requests, but I notice that other than knowing this person is 93, we know very little about her.

Her present behavior - is it recent or has she always been a loud bossy angry person?

Does she have periods of calm? Is she more peaceful during the day and more difficult in late afternoon? Evening/night?

What are her medications for? What chronic or long term or new illnesses s she living with?

Your goal is to get someone with geriatric medical experience in to see her without delay. Contact the doctor who prescribes her meds or see if you have a local VISITING NURSE service or contact your local or county board of health and ask for recommendations.

If you are near an Assisted Living residence or Nursing Home or Skilled Nursing facility, contact them and ask for a recommendation. Talk to the social worker. Refer to her situation as a potential emergency when you speak to social workers.
If you have a church connection talk to a priest, minister, or rabbi about finding someone to help you.

Until you access someone from outside the family to see her, write down EVERY EPISODE THAT OCCURS. Just indicate what SHE DOES, don’t talk about how it feels to you. Her ACTIONS ARE WHAT MATTER, NOT WHAT SHE SAYS

Many of us have felt as frustrated and helpless as you do now. . . you need resources to keep ALL of you SAFE AND AT PEACE. DON’T GIVE UP. HER safety is important, and YOUR SAFETY AND COMFORT AND WELL BEING ARE IMPORTANT TOO.

The fastest way is to call 911, have her transported to the ER and work with the social worker and case manager at the hospital to get her placed in a facility. That facility may be a geriatric psychiatric facility based on what you've described or a SNF, but you must be firm and refuse to let them release her back to you. at this point she is danger to herself and to others and you cannot properly take care of her. You must be firm if they try to release her back home. If you do end up taking her back home, you would repeat the process, keep calling 911 as needed.

If you have both PoAs, then check the language in the document to see if it's durable or springing. Durable means you don't need a diagnosis (or sometimes even 2) in order for your authority to become active. Then you use a therapeutic fib to get her into the doctor (and go with her) and discretely tell the staff what's been going on and request a cognitive exam and also check for a UTI for good measure. You'll come away with a diagnosis.

If your PoA is durable, you can act without a diagnosis (as I understand what durable means). Pick a facility that has MC and accepts Medicaid and if necessary, tell a therapeutic fib to get her there. If she gets violent or makes threats in your home before this, call 911 and they will take her to the hospital. Have her released directly into a facility. I wish you all the best as you work through this challenge!