My uncle has turned to violent outbursts toward me only, during each care visit. What options do I have?

Stop visiting. Why are you subjecting yourself to this for an uncle?

Abuse is not acceptable in any situation, and this goes way beyond simple abuse.

Call APS and leave him to rot.

Literally if need be.

Wow! You are being abused! There isn’t any good reason to tolerate this behavior. I agree with Barb. He may have a UTI and need meds to clear it up. He may have other medical issues.

I don’t think that I would go back. Call his doctor to see what can be done. Does he have finances for another caregiver? Although, no one will put up with abuse. You can try contacting Council on Aging for help or speak to a social worker for advice.

Wishing you luck with resolving this difficult situation. Please know that you are not obligated to care for him. If you do return be very cautious and call 911 at the very first sign of an outburst.

It makes total sense why other family members aren’t willing to help. I hope you’ll decide today that there’s no acceptable reason for abuse and stop the visits. He isn’t going to change, other than to worsen, you can’t fix this or even make it better. Call APS, report him and move on

The option you have is to stop helping your uncle entirely. Abuse of any kind is not okay, dementia or no dementia, elderly or young, etc. You're not a punching bag and this man has already done TOO MUCH to you to warrant one more visit to his home. Call APS and report a vulnerable elder and have them pay him a visit. If you feel he's in immediate danger, call 911 and have them transport him to the ER for a full evaluation.

Stop the insanity NOW. You deserve more. You're allowing way too much abuse to happen to you and it has to stop right away.

Good luck taking your life back!

I hope you are not living with him. If he is becoming violent, do not wait for him to hit you again. Call APS and tell them you cannot care for him because he has become a threat. That you think there is now some Dementia involved. If u don't have POA, tell them. You cannot make him go to a doctor. They should come out and evaluate the situation. Make sure you are firm in that you will not take care of him.

Make sure you document any abuse. Take pictures.

From your profile I see that you have gone from one abusive relationship to another. And now you're allowing your uncle to abuse you as well. There has to be a reason why you feel you deserve this kind of abuse from males, and I'm hoping you're in counseling to discover why.
NO ONE, I mean NO ONE deserves to be abused in any way shape or form. So while you're trying to figure out why you allow this abuse, you need to leave your uncle's home and stop with his care. It doesn't matter that he has no one else to care for him. That is his problem, not yours. You owe him nothing!!!
Please have more respect for yourself, and quit allowing this abuse to go on.
Until you believe you deserve better, you will continue making the same mistakes over and over.
I hope and pray that you will be strong enough to tell your uncle that you're done with his care and abuse.

Your uncle needs medical attention, immediately.

He may have a UTI. He may be having paranoid delusions.

I would leave and call Adult Protective Services to report him as a vulnerable adult.


If you are living with him, you call 911 and have him taken to the ER.

From your profile: "single mom raised 2 of my three children, 1 went to live with his dad. I was in a verbally abusive relationship then divorced. After a few years I got into a different relationship with a man who was verbally and physically abusive. I have been single for the past 8 years. I am caring for my elderly uncle who is now becoming more and more verbally abusive and I want to learn how to deal and confront him about this."

description of your uncle: "I am caring for Joe, who is 79 years old, living at home with age-related decline, anxiety, diabetes, hearing loss, heart disease, and mobility problems."

Joe is not only verbally abusive, but has clearly now crossed the line into physical abuse, also.

You have been in past abusive relationships and have been able to remove yourself from them (marriages).

Time to do that in your caregiving relationship with your uncle. And why do YOU take care of your uncle?

Can you explore with a therapist why it is that you seem to get yourself involved in abusive relationships?