I'm unable to leave the house and haven't seen friends or family in over two years, with very little sleep. What do I do?

iditto, here is something to think about. Depending on how much work you need to do to care for your Mom, up to 40% of caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. Heaving forbid if that should happen to you, but ask yourself what would your Mother's do.

In your profile you say your Mom is 51 years old, or do you mean that you are 51 years old. Were you employed prior to taking care of your Mom? If yes, I am thinking about all that lost salary, lost health insurance, and whatever other things your employer was offering to their employees.

If you are getting no pay for being a caregiver, how are you paying for your own health insurance, your clothes, personal care items, your car and fuel? Or are you digging into your savings which will eventually disappear depending on how long you are caring for your Mom. Who will care for you later down the road if your funds are gone?

Since you and your Mom are living together, she has once again taking the role of Mother of the household, and you are the Child. In her eyes you are the child and what do you know? That is so very common. My Mom was like that, too.

Tell Mom you are taking a much needed break, and that her PCA will be helping out. Mom has no choice in this matter when it comes to your own mental wellbeing.

According to your profile, your mom is only 51 years old,(that is very young) with no major health issues. Why haven't you left her alone long ago, and why do you allow her to have such control over you?
I'm guessing you are living with her, why I don't know. I must be missing something here.
You are not responsible for your mom or any care she may require. You are only responsible for yourself(and any children you may have)so time to start living your life and start doing fun things that you enjoy. Mom will be just fine. And if she doesn't want to be left alone, tell her that she will have to pay for some outside help to come in and stay with her. Enough is enough. Sounds to me like mom is using you, and you're letting her.
Only you can make the changes necessary to improve your life, and I hope and pray that you will do so.

Is mom bed bound? Is mom incompetent? Can mom make herself breakfast and sandwiches?

If the answer to the above questions is No (she is not bed bound, she is competent and she can provide for her meals), then you should be able to leave, just make sure the fridge is full and the phone # for the PCA is available to her.

If the answer is no, then no you can't just leave her alone without make provisions for her care. Contact Social Services; Area Council on Aging for resource helps.

Good luck - you do deserve time off.

Is she mentally competent, does she have dementia? When we were planning a trip out of town we knew we needed 24/7 caregivers for FIL not due to mental incapacity but physical. We talked to him about hiring help and he was really fighting us at first, saying he could take care of himself but we knew he couldn't so we called Adult Protective Services for a consult because we too were afraid of the legal ramifications of leaving him without care. They said as long as he was legally competent to make his own decisions we couldn't force him to make good decisions. That we could lay out his options and even plan for and bring in help but if he didn't accept it or fired them (which he had done before) that was his choice and we should enjoy our time and let him live with the repercussions of his choices.
It sounds harsh but if they are indeed competent to make their own decisions they still have that right no matter how ill advised.
So that's my big question. Is she still legally mentally competent to make those choices for herself?

How are you forced to take care of her?

I vote that you just leave. Caregiving isn’t slavery. Unless I missed something, you don’t mention that your mother has dementia or a similar issue that prevents her from thinking clearly (in which case before you go you could alert authorities, etc.).

I would just leave.

Hmm.
1st: is she *capable* or not? 2nd: is she *reasonable* or not? To my mind it hinges on these varients.

If *Capable* she has the right to make decisions for herself: inc good or bad decisions. Eg decide to allow or refuse her PCA.

If *Reasonable* once you spell it out clearly, she will understand you need time out, have your own needs too, your own life.

So if *Capable + Reasonable* she may not like it, but will accept the PCAs when required.

Mother does not have the right to insist YOU are her only carer. That would be *UNreasonable*.

If *Capable + Unreasonable*. Oh well. You go, she deals with the consequences of HER decisions. If she cancels her care - that is Self-Neglect.

But if *Not Capable* she will need someone in charge (an EPOA or Guardian). Then the responsibility is their's to arrange her care. Leaving someone alone who lacks the capability or means to get care would be Neglectful.

Does this make sense?

Basically, if it feels like you are being emotionally blackmailed - you probably are.

Dear iditto,

It is critical to arrange care for your mother whether she agrees or not. She cannot be left alone for any period of time. I know it has been very hard on you and I would feel the same way too if I was in your shoes. It's not fair and you are clearly burnt out. I would talk to a social worker and the PCA about her refusing care and see what additional options you have.

You deserve to have a break but I would insist on having someone stay with her.

Thinking of you, x