How can I convince my brother and Mom they should get in home care even if for one day so they can ease into it?

Who is her PoA? This is the person who will be ordering and "allowing" the care. I'm hoping your mom has assigned a durable PoA. If not, and since you say she is "lucid", then she should be taken to an elder law attorney soon so she can put this very important legal protection in place. Without this, it can make providing her care a far more onerous task. Just read around on this forum from adult children of very sweet little old parents who didn't do this for themselves and their family, yet expect them to provide and/or manage their care.

Also, loneliness is a big problem for our seniors. She is cloistered all day. You may want to suggest a companion from an agency, starting with 1 half day a week. It needs to be "the right chemistry" and you may need to cycle through a few agency aids to find the right one. That's what we did with my aunt with dementia. When we found the right person, she was with my aunt for 6 years, 4 days a week, 4 hrs a day. Recently my aunt now needs an aid who is qualified to work with someone who is a fall risk, be able to transfer her (from one chair to another or into her bed) and maybe even give showers. Your mom may not need this now but it is very likely she may need it in the near future. The companion played cards with my aunt, watched tv with her, talked politics, took her on errands and walks, etc. She was like family. Highly recommend this for your mom. She will resist at first so maybe have this person start by driving her out for errands, and being a driver. From there it will be more "natural" for your mom to become accustomed to her presence and help. Wishing you all the best.

Has your mom fallen recently? Do you have permission to speak with her doctor to get specific information? Are financial matters preventing your brother from hiring someone? Have you asked him to contact Council on Aging in his area for a needs assessment to determine her current condition? Has he spoken with a social worker to plan a future care plan? It is important to do these things before a crisis arises.

Speak to your brother with love, without criticizing his care. Let him know that that he and your mother are important. Very often, siblings will speak about their parents and totally neglect the person who is doing the caregiving.

I am not accusing you of any of this but it does happen. Please take the time to thank your brother for caring for your mom.

Hoping all goes well in your family as you plan for your mom’s future.

Convincing people is hard. Maybe some specifics may help?

What are your reasons for suggesting home help? Are there specific areas Mom is needing help with? Like washing, dressing, meals?

What reasons does your Mom have against help?

What about your Brother?

Listen to their replies. Do you hear words like cost, embarrassment, trust?

Sometimes the barriers are lack of trust in non-family people. Or maybe pride at doing a great caregiving job - that no-one else should be needed. Sometimes they don't prioritise the same things.

You could try the angle of *adding more care* in case either is defensive & has an attitude of "we can cope just fine, thankyou!"