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ShellishRae Asked July 2021

Grandma died a few days ago and it was found that my aunt did not take my grandmother to the hospital for 4 years. What’s going to happen?

In the past I have tried to advocate for my grandma and have called APS but I was tired of fighting with my aunt about it and stopped advocating for grandma. Now this has happened.

ShellishRae Jul 2021
She had dementia and was 85. I do believe that she was ready to go, she seemed at peace when I saw her the day before she died. The doctor said he would not sign the death certificate and there have been several APS cases against my aunt. They’re going to do an autopsy. I know my aunt wasn’t perfect and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her during our time of grieving.

earlybird Jul 2021
Sorry for the loss of your dear grandmother. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. May you find peace and joy with your memories of her. She is finally at peace now.

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AlvaDeer Jul 2021
Your Aunt and her mother may well have come to the conclusion that for her she was "ready to go" and didn't want any more medical intervention. This is a choice. You do not mention your grandmother's age or condition, but to be frank, it is very unlikely that anything is "going to happen" now. I am very sorry for your loss, and for the apparent estrangement from your Aunt, and I hope you were able to see your Grandmother in her last days.

cwillie Jul 2021
Once I figured out that my mother wasn't likely to get better we opted for palliative care, which basically meant we treated the little things that might impact her quality of life but accepted the fact that the big things (heart disease and stroke) were not reversible - going to the hospital was the last thing any of us wanted.

againx100 Jul 2021
Sorry for your loss. How old was your grandma? People have different ideas about health care and how often to go to the doctor or hospital. Some go for a hang nail, some just do not want to go at all. If she lasted for 4 years without care, it doesn't sound like she had anything too too debilitating or at least very acute.

When my grandfather died, he had had an operation and there were some pre-op test results that didn't seem to make it all the way to the right doctors. He threw a clot and died. My mom DEFINITELY had a case of medical malpractice but the lawyer told her it would be YEARS of dealing with it and it would not change the end result. So mom made the appropriate decision and let it go.

Mourn your grandma. Accept her death. And try not to get too hung up on what your aunt did or did not do. Getting stuck in that negativity probably won't be good for your health and peace of mind.

funkygrandma59 Jul 2021
I'm sorry that your grandma died. You don't give us much info to go on, but I have to say that just because your aunt didn't take your grandma to the hospital in a while doesn't mean that she did anything wrong. Were there times when you felt that grandma needed medical attention, and she didn't receive it? Most people don't go to the hospital on a regular basis, unless there is an emergency. Instead they may opt to go to their doctors office.
It sounds like you did what you could when you were advocating for your grandma. Unless you have undeniable proof that your aunt had something to do with your grandmas death, there really is not much you can do. If in fact she was somehow responsible, she will have to live with that fact for the rest of her life. And don't worry, what goes around comes around.

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