How can I get info on my Dad, who is in a memory care facility, if stepmom has POA and refuses to put me on the call/info list?

Went to visit Dad today and had a great visit. About 1/2 way through, he asked how my Dad was doing. I told him he was doing great and that I live him very much. I feel like going with his flow is the best thing for him. Should I correct him and let him know that it’s me?

I'm not going to assume that Stepmom is doing something sinister and has left adequate contact info with the MC, and if something happened to Pop, she'd be contacted then she'd let you know.

I do think it's kind of sad that she's traveling for the summer and leaving a husband with memory issues behind. She'll be lucky if he remembers her when she gets back.

It definitely stinks. She hasn't told me why she won't add me to the list - but she is an absolute control freak and always lets me know she's in charge.
As I replied to the others here, I am starting the day with a thankful heart knowing that I can go visit and just sit with my Dad anytime. That's the blessing that I'm going to focus on!

Kmom67, if I were in your situation, I would continue to stay in close contact with my dad and his wife, e.g. visit him and/or call him at least daily and contact his wife frequently, as well. If you become a familiar, friendly face at the facility, the staff will be more likely to call you if anything happens to your dad and he asks to talk to you. And your dad will also be more likely to ask for you if anything does happen to him.

As my dad's guardian, I wasn't in your situation, but if I had been, I would have done as I suggested above and would have also given my telephone number to other residents' family members, many of whom I saw nearly every day and we talked about being extra sets of eyes and ears for each other. If you look at your dad's memory care facility as being his home that he shares with other "family members" and get to know this extended family, you'll be able to keep pretty close tabs on your dad, even if you aren't able to convince your stepmom to share more formalized information with you. Best wishes.

What about visits? Are you being allowed to visit your father?

As the POA ur Stepmom is in the right. Your father assigned her, she is his representative. She does not have to disclose anything he wouldn't. She says she has it covered than she has it covered. Not sure if she has the right to list you as someone to be able to get info on him. That would be his decision and seems he can't make that decision. The Facility does not have the right to add you.

Lets say Dad was competent. He entered the hospital for whatever reason and did not put u on the HIPPA form. Thats his right. Actually, SM is not entitled to info if Dad does not want her to know. Her being his wife and u his child has nothing to do with his rights.

I think ur just going to have to accept SM is in charge. I would get on her good side. You are going to need to be happy just to visit. Which she can keep you from being able to do. Right, no but she can do it.

So sorry that you are in this situation. Unfortunately, your stepmom holds all of the cards.

This is a very sad situation. Many stepmoms are wonderful, and blended families live in harmony. Your dad’s wife sounds like the ‘wicked’ stepmom though.

The facility has their hands tied. They are following the legal protocol, so don’t expect this situation to change.

I totally understand why you are upset. I suppose all you can do is to keep checking on your dad.

Has your stepmom told you why she won’t add you on the list to be contacted? Especially, when she is away. Is she a control freak or just insensitive to your feelings?