How do you tell your mother she needs to be placed in a memory care facility? She is going to be heartbroken.

YOU DON’T TELL HER., and she is NOT going to “be heartbroken”.

She is going to be confused and disturbed because the routines that she was familiar with in your home will be temporarily disrupted, but she will adjust to the new routine, and you will be able to visit her, spoil her with treats, and sleep through the night.

My mother was 90 when she shattered her hip and came to live with me. We had always laughed that the two of us would NEVER to be able to live under the same roof, but I stubbornly insisted that I could give her better care than any residential setting.

I WAS WRONG. She was miserable, and I gained 60+ pounds and stopped sleeping.

The five+ years she spent in her beautiful care site were the happiest years she’d lived since my father had died. They loved her and she loved them. ALL of them.

If you’ve chosen the best nearby care facility you can find, and made your decision with love and compassion, you have nothing to regret.

Ask the staff at her new home how they suggest bringing her. Make yourself part of the movers and arrangers. Hug her ant tell her you’ll see her “soon”, and leave quietly.

Be at peace with your decision to provide for her and for yourself.

You tell her whatever works, or nothing at all, Depending on the level of her dementia. This may be the time to fib a little. I told my dad he needed to stay with mom and help her in her room in assisted living. He had no short term memory at this point. There would be no reasoning with him or getting him to agree to anything. We had meals in the dining room with mom for a couple days, I got the room fixed up, took dad to dinner and just slipped out.

It was still a hot mess with him (and mom!) for a few days but the staff did a great job at constantly redirecting him and getting him through the transition.

I had my Mom with me 2 yrs. I had been babysitting my Gson for 20 months when I had to take her in. Did not plan on it being a forever thing. She was fairly easy it was just the 24/7 care. I was waiting for her house to sell, it didn't. So I took the money she had and placed her in an AL. She adjusted very well. Think it was because she had more freedom to be able to walk the halls of the facility. She adjusted well when I had to place her in a NH. But my Mom did not have LB which is one of the harder Dementia's to deal with. She'll be OK but give her time to adjust and depend on the staff. Visit but u may want to keep it short.

My mom lived with us for 15 years and it nearly killed me. My brother had her for 14 months in his home. It took a huge toll on him as well. Then, he placed her in a hospice house, she was there for the last month of her life. She died with end stage Parkinson’s disease. Mom adjusted to living there.

Your mom will adapt to her new surroundings and be well cared for by a professional staff. You can be her advocate and visit as her daughter, instead of being an endlessly frazzled and exhausted caregiver.

Personally, I think you are ahead of the game by knowing your limitations. I wish that I hadn’t pushed myself so hard.

I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. All the best to you and your mom. Take care.