Having to empty mom's house, getting ready to sell. This is so hard.

I’m in the middle of selling my dad’s home. There are many emotions tied to his home and property. I gave items to his dear friends and siblings…things I thought he would like them to have. I gave his clothing to a program that helps men find jobs. I still have many items. I will move them to my garage and give things time to settle in my own mind. There is a contract on his house and we close next month. I spent a few minutes alone in his house before the realtor attached the lock box. I “told” my dad that I did my best to care for and respect his home, belongings and property. I “told” him I would honor him and his home with a fair sale. My dad died last August and I cannot continue to maintain his home and property 4 hours away. Anyway, I felt a sense of peace and confidence to move forward. Thankfully, his home was neat and without a lot of “stuff.” Had that not been the case, I would have hired someone to hold an estate sale.

This is a good reason to not do this to our own kids. After going through my husbands parents home I’m sickened by excess. I now live extremely simply. Now we are looking at going through my own mom’s stuff. We are going to open the house to all her descendants and let them have a free for all. Then taking stuff to the Salvation Army and renting a giant dumpster. We need to sell her big house to pay for her care.

It doesn't have to be hard. Keep 5 items that have a strong emotional attachment, and do away with the rest.

pickupsforvets.org

Ran out of space....second part.

I would avoid any situation of advertising and holding an "open house" for people to come and choose what they might want.   I only know a few people who did this, but they each experienced attempted theft.   You really would need "eyes" on all angles to ensure that items don't just get removed when you're not looking.

Salvation Army, Purple Heart and I believe the Vietnam Veterans' organizations will all come to the home and pick up items.  

Clothes can be donated as well to care institutions:  when my father died, the DON at his palliative care facility asked whether I wanted to leave his clothes for other residents.

If I were if your place, I would look first at the items she won't need, and that you don't need either, such as furniture, sheets, kitchen items, etc.   Box up the personal items and wait until you feel up to facing them and all the memories they bring.

And do take breaks when you begin to feel overwhelmed or emotional.


What really surprised me was finding old photos, and letters.   When I'm emotionally strong, I go through them, and have learned so much more about my family.   Some of the letters are by my parents during WWII, when Dad was stationed in Texas.    Those are often very, very  emotional though.

Daughter1999, you're so right; this is very hard; it's like a forced good-bye to your parents, their home, all your memories, and so much that was a critical part of your life, and that's a very difficult task.   

I started off with a good plan, but ran into so many complications, not from parting with items as much as with finding good contractors.

First was with my sister's house, and I saved a lot, as witnessed by the over-flowing closet and garage at my house.   Now, those items aren't as unique as the memories, and I have no qualms parting with them.   Time does heal wounds.

The clothes will go to Salvation Army, Purple Heart or Vietnam Veterans. 

As to my father's house, after 1 good contractor and then three who were focused only on what could be resold, I took a different tact and researched Veteran owned companies, deciding along the way that this would be my priority.   And I found a great one.

It was top notch, flexible, cooperative and dependable.  They could dismantle items that the second contractor refused to even consider.    And the workers were young, in their 30's.   Once a Marine on leave joined the team!  (Imagine, breaking down a garden shed and packing up pots for trash while on leave from the Corps!)

As to sale of the property, of 4 realtors, only one volunteered to give an estimate and suggestions before the house and property were ready.  It was also a Veteran owned company.  They'll get the listing.

Along the way, I worked a little bit at a time with the "memory" items, eventually needing a long break b/c it was so emotional.  I decided though that the extra cost of maintaining the break in the interim was worth it, and I'm glad I took that break.  

If I were to do things over though, I would do as I did with my sister's belongings:   move them to a rental unit, and gradually go through, remove and dispose of them.  That way I could proceed with disposing of the house.

Even since my father died,  I was pestered by people who claimed to be interested but were just nosy.    So I stopped that.  Now I've found someone who really seems to be serious and also wants to help with various aspects of the clean-up and clean-out tasks.   So I can leave the ones who only want to clean up the items that they can resell and the wanna be flippers.

Another aspect on which I was intent was to find, if possible, entities that could benefit from some of the DIY, industrial and workshop equipment.  I really lucked out.  I found 2 building trade folk art schools interested in the tools and equipment, and the steel sheets.  Both are 501(c)(3) entities, so I'll get a tax deduction for any donations.  And one even has a free use day for Veterans to use the workshop equipment, for free.  

The biggest part left is the heavy-duty lifting, but my Veteran-owned junk removal company has moving equipment, and the owner didn't seem to think moving the big stuff would be a problem.

Contractors have singled out some items that are collectibles (I could literally see them drooling as they ogled the items):   an old mangle, an old 2 stage electric stove, a grandfather clock, homemade furniture my father and his grandfather made, and other items like a drafting board that can be donated.   I did contact Henry Ford Museum about donations and rec'd a form to complete and return with a photo, but their "consideration period" is 6 months.

One disturbing and disappointing aspect I discovered is that people who want freebies "come out of the walls", and have no compunction about asking for what they want.   The first "junk" removal outfit took only steel items; I didn't figure out what they were doing until they were through, showed me the bill and pointed out where to add the tip!

One of the neighbors caught a woman who came over to dig up some of the flowers!    Neither of us knew who this thief was, or how she decided that she should have her pick of the garden.

I am sure it is hard for you with all the memories.I found myself with 3 homes in our garage. I gave lots of things to the Salvation Army. They will pick things up if you make an appointment. I would not be good at yard sales. I would probably give most away. I will be calling them to pick up furniture. My cousin had a yard sale and did not make much money. Too consuming to say the least.

Same. One daughter-in-law is going to try to sell online all the furniture that is left after family took what they wanted, which was hardly anything. 75 years of accumulations to go through is too much for me to do quickly. I spend only 3 hours at a time. When my grandmother died I took most of her clothes because they were my colors and styles, but my mom's things are not what I would ever want. I'm giving away most of it to Vietnam Veterans. Some things are really sad to get rid of, the things my parents really liked and that describe who they were.

I have to get back upstairs and start back on going through my mom's stuff. I did pretty well in the beginning, but recently, I've sort of fizzled out. I'm still waiting to get an appointment with the antiques appraiser to take a look at some of the stuff - i have jewelry from my great-grandparents in particular that I would like appraised - but a lot of the stuff we're likely just going to toss out. Most of the good kitchen stuff will be going up to college with my daughter, since she's in an off-campus apartment this year, which is helpful - no big shopping trip to the local WalMart to furnish the place.

I don't know how old you are, but if you have college aged kids (or close to college aged) or you have any friends who have them, if there are things that can be useful to someone going into an apartment - things that you really don't care if you never get back and/or they get thrown away you might want to ask them if they can use any of the stuff.

If there's no rush to empty the place out, then just take your time; I realized I didn't have to have the apartment emptied in short order, because we're not going to rent it out to anyone, anyway.

Yard sales, garage sales are a lot of work
Check in your area if Salvation Army or other group will pick up. Check Veterans Organizations they will often set Veterans up in apartments with donated furniture.
If the furniture is worth it you might consider an Estate Sale BUT they will take a hefty%
Save a few items you truly want.
DO NOT get a storage unit with the thought of going through it a bit at a time. You won't. Out of sight out of mind. (My basement has boxes in it from when I moved into this house 11 years ago and I STILL have to go through them and they are but 20 steps away. (It is a great winter project I tell myself, but the basement is cold in the winter. It is a great summer project but there is so much to do in the summer and...well you get the idea)
Donate "vintage" clothing to the High School or College Theater Or if you have a Community Theater that would work.
Good, expensive clothing you might try a consignment store but don't expect much.
Do make sure you go through old books, magazines, drawers, cans, pockets and purses and the like looking for cash.

When we moved the folks out of their 3000 sf home to an 800 sf apartment we did clean out all the 'quality stuff' first, then had a yard sale. Mother knew that everything that didn't sell was going to GoodWill.

I bet we made less than $100 on the whole thing. It was a supreme waste of time. I'd never do it again.

The other day mother asked me where the meat slicer went. Huh? An industrial size meat slicer? I said "well, since we took it to GoodWill 22 years ago, I don't have a clue where it went, sorry". She was in a mood and said "Wait until YOUR kids throw all your stuff away!" I know it's hard. I know we will have to do this when she dies or is moved to a NH. I personally don't have ANY emotional attachment to anything she currently owns. As sibs, we have decided we'll spend one day splitting up the things she wants to have go to whomever she's designated. All the clothes and furniture will be taken straight to GoodWill.

You cannot get too emotional over stuff. It will depress you to no end. My guess would be that 90% of her possessions are truly garbage.

I'm in the process of slowly emptying out my current home and while we'll not move to a smaller place, I don't WANT so much 'stuff'.

If you have a lot of furniture to get rid of it might be worth having an auction company come in and sell it.

I find yardsales are a lot of work with very little reward.

A friend of mine was raising money for a charity and has "offer your price" yardsale. She had a poster telling what the charity was for and the people gave what they wanted for the item they bought.

Me, I first went thru and cleaned out all the junk. Trashed it or put it out for bulk pick up. I gave away the better stuff to a Thrift shop. Called Habitat for humanity and they took most of the furniture. Cleaned out closets, bagged and dropped the clothes into those bins or threw out. Ended up putting what was left and not worth anything out again for bulk pick up. I did a couple of Facebook on line yard sales giving things away. Had one couple come and pick up something from an out building. Told them to take anything they wanted. They cleaned it out.

You can't be sentimental. I asked brothers if they wanted the pictures of their kids. No, they had their own. I hated to do it, but trashed them. I was lucky the thrift shop took things that said "50th Anniversary" on them. I have my own "junk" didn't need someone elses.

Yes it is a difficult task. You can do this. It was very difficult for my parents to part with a lifetime of stuff but their health and safety
was more important than possessions. Some of their stuff was really nice. True mid century modern. A word to the wise watch like a hawk anyone who has hoarding tendencies. Their addiction will kick in and when you leave the room they’ll help themselves. I learned that the hard way. Unfortunately, items that were very popular in our parents post WW2 lives fine china, crystal stemware and the like are not wanted by the younger generation because it has to be hand washed. Don’t be overly sentimental. Call vintage clothing shops, call vintage furniture stores, estate appraisers that set up and sell the stuff, Ebay, Facebook etc. My dad sold his ties from the 1960’s to a vintage clothing store for $300.00. I couldn’t keep everything just a few items. My mom’s gold lame pumps, a pair of her kid leather gloves and a blue pill box hat. A family member asked to have a box of my mom facial wax strips.

I know it's hard. My dad, bless his heart, knew he was leaving a mess for me to deal with, so he tried to clean out some things on his own. The problem was, he wanted every single item to find a forever home, not to just be gotten rid of. (My folks have beautiful things, too.)

It was becoming impossible to make any headway, so I finally told him to just enjoy his things while he could, and I'd take care of everything when he was no longer using them.

My folks have been out of the house for three years (Dad died, Mom into MC), and we still haven't tackled the house. However, I know that these items will find a home, because we'll have an estate sale and literally everything down to half-empty shampoo bottles will be up for sale. I had a neighbor who successfully sold half-empty shampoo bottles, so we're doing it too, by golly.

Just tell yourself that everything that's meant to find a home will find a home. Consider hiring an estate sale company, and they'll do all the work for a cut of the proceeds.

It is a pain to clear out a house. I agree, get it done as soon as you can. It does take time. Tackle a room at the time.

I just read your response that family members don’t want anything, so sell what you can if you wish to do that, donate the rest. Order a dumpster for items that are junk and all other trash.

Some charities will pick up. I donate to a veterans organization. All they ask for is to place a label on the items for their organization, place outside on the porch early in the morning and their truck picks it up. It’s easy!

I'm in the same position as you. My mother moved into a board and care because she will never be allowed to live alone. I have to clear out her 3 bedroom house to get it ready for repairs and sale. Unfortunately my mothers house is cluttered with old furniture and nicknacks which she collected most of her life. I guess I would start by allowing family members to take what they want first, then have a yard sale. What's left can be donated or disposed of. I thought I could do this but it is very hard.