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donnamarie58 Asked July 2021

My husband’s dementia has progressed. He hides his wallet/money and forgets the hiding place. He will then demand more money. Help :(

This process of hiding money is an ongoing problem. Sometimes I am able to stumble across the hidden money. When he accuses me of stealing I am then able to show him where HE hid it and things calm down. Of course, he states he did not put it there. But lately, I cannot find the hidden money and he is demanding more. Recently, he found some money I had hidden for some upcoming household repairs. There are only the two of us in the house and the money is gone. Of course, he denies taking it. This was 4 weeks ago, still can’t find the money. He doesn’t go anywhere without me so he did not spend it. So when he demands more money to replace the missing money do I oblige? How do I handle this without a fight?

donnamarie58 Jul 2021
Thanks for all the great replies. Looking into play money now. I have learned to deflect, as well as, trying to handle all “crisis” situations with a calm disposition. I am trying to handle his dementia by myself with family help. But, I think it is time for some professional intervention. He was diagnosed over 2 years ago by a neurologist; but he refused to go any further for evaluation.

MJ1929 Jul 2021
Amazon saves the day!

Go on Amazon and search "fake can safe" or "fake book safe" to find cans or books you can stash cash and valuables in. I'd probably go with the fake book if your husband tends to poke around in the kitchen and might try to open that Coke can. Make sure YOU don't forget about the fake book/can. I write down everything I need to remember in a journal.

Also on Amazon -- search "fake US money." They have that, too, and you can buy a good supply of prop money for about $10 that'll look real to him but won't pass at any store.

Finally, if he's hiding his wallet, not just money, once you do find it you can hide a tracking tile in it. (Search "tracking tiles.") They aren't cheap -- about $60 and up for four of them -- but if you're still concerned about finding his wallet, it might be worth investing in them.
donnamarie58 Jul 2021
Omg-thank you for all your research. The book is a great idea and checking out the money on Amazon now. I will try both :)

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GardenArtist Jul 2021
Could you get away with substituting "play money"?   Would he tell the difference between real bills and, say, Monopoly money?  (I'm assuming that the Monopoly game still uses play money and hasn't gone completely digital.)

funkygrandma59 Jul 2021
I would explain to him that since so much cash has gone missing in the past, that you have decided to not keep any more cash in the house, and will now only be using your debit card for any purchases. Tell him that if he wants to carry around his empty wallet, he can, but you will no longer be giving him any cash, as it's now just easier to only use the debit card. Good luck.

Daughterof1930 Jul 2021
You can’t fix this with cash, no amount will make it better. My thought is to remove all cash from the house, as well as his wallet. Decide not to participate in a fight, change the subject, act completely blank on the topic, say “we’ll find it later” whatever it takes to not argue and deflect. Sorry you’re going through this and wishing you both peace
LoopyLoo Jul 2021
Keep your saved cash in a locked box and keep the box in a place he can’t or won’t go into. Attic maybe? Top shelf in far corner of a closet? A combination lock would be better than having a key lock.

Play money is a good idea, if it looks real to him. Maybe get him a play wallet too, just like the one he has?

It sounds like the money/wallet is a security blanket of sorts. He’ll likely fixate on this until something else takes its place. My grandfather had dementia and spent several months fixated on his wallet. Would hide it, then forget, then be scared that the cleaning lady stole it (she didn’t, never stole anything ever).

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