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frazzledteacher Asked July 2021

To visit or not to visit?

My father passed in the spring. His wife is still with us, but on hospice in late stage dementia. Due to Covid precautions we can’t visit in the room. We can visit in the parlor with an appointment , but that requires the staff to use a Hoyer lift for transport. This scares her. At this point she doesn’t know who I am, and she sleeps most of the time. I don’t want her to feel abandoned since my father passed, but at this stage of the game his death has not seemed to bother her. So the question is, is the visit going to do her any good?

funkygrandma59 Jul 2021
I would think that if she is under hospice care, that the facility would allow you to visit in her room, as the purpose of hospice is to keep their patients as comfortable as possible. And obviously using a Hoyer lift is not comfortable for her and should only be used when absolutley necessary.
I would certainly bring this up to whoever is in charge, as there are exceptions to every rule.

NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2021
This is so sad. I hope they will make an exception for you to visit her in the room.

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BurntCaregiver Jul 2021
If she doesn't know who you are and sleeps most of the time, why put her through having to be put into a Hoyer and moved?
I think MJ1929 made a great point. Make a little bit of noise with the nursing home about them not allowing you to visit in the room. There would be no more exposure to Covid than if you were visiting her in their parlor or common room.

MJ1929 Jul 2021
Do they get her out of bed with the lift for any other reasons like wheelchair or meals? If so, maybe find out whether you can visit when she's already up. If she's otherwise bedridden, I'm very surprised they won't let you visit her in her room. You're exposing her to Covid no more there than you would in the other scenario.

These nursing homes are killing people with loneliness and they need to stop. Make a little noise and see if they might bend the rules for you to visit your stepmom. I know my mom's place let families into the rooms even during Covid when a loved one was dying.

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