I am in deep mourning over the loss of my beloved mother late last summer. She had just been moved to a LTC facility from our home. Advice?

I know this sounds a bit vengeful, but maybe focus some of your grief into anger at your brothers for having the temerity, audacity, nerve to suggest that you should have kept your mother at home after you did the yeoman's job of caring for her and keeping her alive for 7 years. There comes a point where a person cannot offer the patient the care that a full staff of trained providers can. You were simply over your head. That's nothing to be ashamed of nor is something that your brothers should torment you about since it seems they did nothing to be of assistance. You loved your mother, she loved you. You cared for your mother, she cared for you. YOU did everything humanly possible for her, and while you were unable to be with her at the last moment, she knew you were the person who sacrificed for her. You are more than forgiven for anything you feel you did not do; you are lauded for all you did do.

I think it’s terrible for your brothers to say that to you. If they didn’t want mother to be in a nursing home, they should have stepped up to help care for her.

Why did all the work fall upon you? Because you’re a daughter and it’s what was expected of you? That’s wrong.

Just because she called your name doesn’t mean she needed you. It’s likely she wasn’t mentally cognizant at the time of her passing, which is very, very common. People dying will call out for relatives that died 50 years ago.

This isn’t your fault! It was her time. She was going to pass away regardless of where she was! Her sons didn’t want to help her and NO ONE could do it alone!

Your mother wouldn’t want you to suffer and blame yourself. She knows your heart and soul and how you felt about her. If she could, I think she’d tell you to enjoy and cherish your time on this earth. Her body may be gone but her soul and the love you both have will never go away!

You’ll always miss her and that’s okay. Just please stop blaming yourself. Peace.

I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. I lost my dad last summer also and know it’s so very hard. Forget anything your brothers say, they didn’t provide real help and nothing they say should matter. I also have mostly useless siblings and have had to let go comments from them. You say yourself that mom’s care was more than you could do, remember you’re only human, and placing her with professional care was caring for her, looking out for her best interests. There are more ways than one to provide care and you did all you could. Mom’s death was inevitable and I’m sure she loved you and was proud of your efforts. Please look into meetings of GriefShare in your area and attend.

For your brothers to heap more "guilt" and emotional pain on you is unconscionable. If they had wanted her to remain home they should have taken up her care when you felt you were no longer able to.
For her doctor to leave her practice to tend to others without having a backup is poor practice.
What I am going to say will probably not make you feel better but it is something to think about.
With increasing needs and a terrible fall it is very possible that your mom would have died at home as well. And in about the same timeframe. Falls are difficult to recover from and along with a more rapid decline the body just can not recover as easily.
You are grieving.
It takes time.
The pain of the heartbreak will lessen.
Your mom is still with you. Talk to her when you need comfort, her words will fill your head and heart.
I am sure your mom would not want you to feel this pain.
She knows you did your best. No one can ask m ore of another.
You should talk to someone since your grief has not lessened. There are Bereavement Support Groups that can be very helpful. Or talk to your doctor about seeing some one individually.
I also think it was unnecessary for the nurses to say that she called for you. If they knew that you would not be able to be there telling you that can be hurtful. Not being with a loved one when they die is difficult enough but to think they may have been calling you makes it even harder.
You have done nothing that you need to seek forgiveness for.
((hugs))