My mom lives with my husband, daughter and I because of her inability to manage money, or any part of her life for that matter. Long story, but let's stick to the question at hand. We pay all the bills, and when I say all, I mean All the bills. My husband sets the thermostats at 76 degrees, my mom complains that she is FREEZING all day, yet at night, once we all go to bed, she gets up, buries the thermostat to 68 to 70 degrees then gets under a HEATING BLANKET! She got up this morning, once again complaining about how cold she was and proceeds to turn the thermostat up to 80 degrees. I said, well, if SOMEONE wasn't getting up at night and turning our house into a refrigerator, maybe you wouldn't be freezing. She didn't say a word. I am so sick of this nonsense with her. In the winter, with the heat on, she flings the windows open! Is she trying to be an a** or does she not realize how expensive her habits truly are. It is very expensive to have her here and she acts as if she is doing us a favor and I am not quite sure why? She doesn't babysit, pay for food, utilities, or anything at all. My grandma spoiled her rotten as did my father and she has never really had to work for a dollar. I just don't know what else to do? If she did this at my sister's house she would be on the curb. No peace as No family member, including my sister will take her to give us a moment of respite since Dad died. But for now, let's just stick to the thermostat issue. Should I get one she can't change, buy a lock box, or just tell her if she touches it again, she can pay the bill?
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You can combine it in one amount calling it "room and board". Tell her things are expensive and you cannot afford to keep her if she doesn't contribute. In my area, there are Hud subsidized apts. They require 30% of your monthly income. Electric, cable and WIFI are the renters responsibility. There are food stamps, food closets. She can have Medicaid for her secondary insurance. In my State besides health insurance u get, prescriptions, dental and vision. Office of Aging usually has a Senior bus for transportation. She can go shopping and to appts on the bus. Medicaid has transportation to Dr appts.
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would turn our refrigerator off so she wouldn't hear it. It broke.
Just sayin....she no longer visits.
There are medications that will make a person feel colder. My sister is on a BP medication and when she comes to to visit or once in a while she will spend the night I will adjust the temp for her.
During the summer I keep the house at about 75 and in the winter it will fluctuate between 62 and 68 depending on how damp it feels to me.
I also have 3 little dogs, one is a 4 legged furnace and when he is next to me I sweat
Does she get social security or have any income? She can at the very least contribute to her stay in your home. Would she consider living on her own. There is absolutely no reason to allow her to ride roughshod over your, your husband, and your daughter while she is living in your house.
Sometimes you have to be brutal to save yourself.
Good luck and stand tough or you will deserve the results.
You could start, and you should start charging her rent and a portion of all the household expenses.
If she is cognizant you can explain to her that the thermostat stays set the way it is and if she does not like it you will accompany her to tour Assisted Living facilities.
Some things that might help:
make sure that she is dressed warmly
if needed a small heater in her room. There are small ones that would heat a bedroom. (do not provide this is she would move it around to a location that would not be safe ie, near bedding)
an electric blanket or heating pad. There are also heated mattress pads. These would NOT be a good idea if she had any neuropathy since she would be at an increased risk of burns.
It's YOUR house. Mom is living with YOUR family. So it's YOUR rules. I'm so sure that over the course of your life growing up you heard the words, "my house, my rules". Same thing.
First order of business is you stop letting your mother freeload in your house. Either she starts chipping in with the bills or tell her she's moving out.
Next, you talk about the thermostat. She is not to touch it and if she does again put a locking device on it so she can't change it.
You and your family have to lay down some boundaries here and stick to them otherwise your spoiled mother is going to be in control of your house and all of your lives.
As of today, sit down & come up with an expense sheet for your home; divide it by the number of people living in your home, and let your mother know what her portion of the monthly bill is. AND I'd install a lockbox over the thermostat as well. When I was a kid and my father said HELL NO to a/c, I slept with a bag of ice next to me in bed when I was hot. We do what we have to do to get comfortable.
Best of luck laying down the law to your mother; it's your home, your rules, your life. Remember that she is a guest in your home and she's not doing you any favors by being that guest. YOU are doing HER the favor.
OMG! Are you sure we're not related? LOL I had the same exact experience with the 'no' to air- conditioning and I too slept with the bag of ice when I was a kid.
You could chill beer in my bedroom now because it's a cooler. The rest of the house too. I don't humor my elderly parent who I also have the burden of being the caregiver to.
If you don't like that arctic indoor chill in the house when it's summer, put on a sweater.
Same applies in the winter. I'm not jacking the heat up to 80. If it's too cold, once again put on a sweater.
Want to complain about it? I'll drop you off at an ER and they'll find nursing home placement.
Your mom will never learn how to handle money, if she is never held responsible for her share of the bills. Of course you should be charging her for the electric bill, along with part of all the other bills as well. Who in this world, as an adult, gets to live without having to pay bills?
You are enabling her to continue living in her selfish little world, and until you stand up to her, and lay some ground rules pertaining to the household bills, and her paying them, this nonsense will continue.
This issue is way deeper than a thermostat issue. If it were me, I would be looking for a senior apartment for her to move to ASAP, as she will never learn how to be an adult, when she has you to pay for everything. I'm sure she gets some Social Security, and if that isn't enough, she can apply for Medicaid to assist her as well. It's time mom grows up, and you get your house and your life back.
Why can't she manage her money and live independently? Does she have any physical or mental issues that are in play here? Maybe having her move to senior housing would be a better solution than you saving her from her poor habits (if that's what it it)?
In the long view, I'd have her paying some token amount of rent, utilities and groceries. No way you should be supporting her 100% unless you are claiming her as a dependent on your income taxes.