I need to know, is there paperwork for me in advance for the decision I desire for my care and where I want to be?

Talk to an attorney and draw up your POA, advanced directive and POAHC. State in each one your desire of living arrangements and specify exactly what power is given regarding that.
It will probably be, and imo should be, a separate article entitled "My living arrangements " or something like that. Spell it out, avoid using vague language.

A good source for initial consult would be a social worker for aging care in your area. At least you can get the templates and edit as much as possible, then take that to attorney to review and properly add the correct verbiage.

See an attorney, and be sure you do not give power of attorney to your children. Also be sure that you have it written and notarized in your papers that you intentionally did not give them POA and the reasons why.

Be sure that whomever you assign as your POA knows they're being given that responsibility and that they agree to take it on before you assign it. Also be sure to have a back-up POA person or two in case the first one is unable to do it when the time comes.

Let the attorney help you with the proper documents and wording. It'll be worth his fee to do it right, or your kids could possibly undo it at some time.

I’ve actually already talked informally with the staff at the AssistedLiving facility I’ve chosen.

As luck would have it, my sons are married to fabulous wives whom I love and respect, and we all totally agree- they wouldn’t want me either.

DH And I have Long Term Care plans and have expressed our desires MANY TIMES to our children. We also have detailed directions in our legal papers, filed with our lawyer.

I think talking to a lawyer is your best bet. I don't see why a POA can't read that you do not want to live with a child. That when the time comes, and depending on your assets, that you want to be placed in an assisted living, memory care or a Nursing home. The person assigned has the responsibility to carry out your wishes. A lawyer will be able to give you legal options. And I would want this done legally. Witnessed and notarized. You may want to put in the POA or a legal paper that no children are to be able to obtain guardianship for you either.

Hire a certified elder law attorney to draw up your end of life paperwork and make sure they are or have a fiduciary on staff.

We put these types of stipulations in our paperwork, right down to what kind of music for music therapy.

You can absolutely create documents that stipulate what you desire for your care. It requires having a DPOA and DHCPOA that you can trust. Interview attorneys until you find one that you feel comfortable with and that has a firm backing them up, this is important because life happens to attorneys too.

Our attorney prepared Guardianship documents at the time He did our wills and POAs. It is a simple one page document. It was his practice to include guardianship docs with every will and POA he did. He said that it saves all kinds of problems down the road. Perhaps you can ask your lawyer to do the same.

I suggest taking with the area agency on aging. Maybe a geriatric care manager or elder law attorney.

I don't want my is taking care of me either. Not because of their inability but because they have full lives and their first priority should be their families and careers.

I’m not sure- but I have seen people talk about looking at places ahead of time (while you can tour them yourself) so maybe you can list places of your choosing locally in a care plan for yourself?
I do know that my mother was able to put in her “trust” that she did not want two very specific people involved in making decisions in regard to her trust so maybe the same can be done for POA and Healthcare Surrogate?

You will need to assign durable PoA to a trusted and local person who is younger than you. You should plan to move into a care community (IL) that has a continuum of care and accepts Medicaid BEFORE you think you need to. This way you stay in control in case you slide into dementia or have a catastrophic health event. I'm not sure if you can legally specify where you reside after you are incapacitated (and you may need to create a separate legal document executed by an attorney) as that decision will be made by you PoA in your best interest, which may not comport with what is going on with you mentally and/or physically at that time. But if you downsize and move while you're still in total command of your faculties, your odds will increase. Unfortunately as you can read throughout this forum, when people ever so slightly slide into cognitive impairment, they can make some pretty bad decisions or changes to their PoA before anyone realizes they are actually impaired. I think you can use an attorney as your PoA but I think you are charged for that. The weak link in all of this is that your PoA needs to be in-the-know of your daily life so that no one sees a reason to report you to APS as a vulnerable adult, which may set off a pursuit of guardianship if they can't find, or don't know who your PoA is. The county has no way to search and I don't think PoA docs are public record, but that may differ by state. The the county makes all further decisions on your behalf. Your choice of PoA will be very important. Make sure they are younger than you by at least 15 years so that they don't precede you in decline or death. As far as family wanting your SS check, it's so small it will barely cover your cost of living. If you have other assets, like a house, that's where things get messy. Make sure you also create a Last Will and indicate who you wish to NOT inherit anything, so that it cannot be contested by those people. Be sure to review all your legal docs every few years in case your circumstances, or mind, changes. All you can do is what you are doing: planning and making it legal. May you have success in living as you wish in your coming years.

Sorry it appears your family is like this. What you are probably looking for is an Advanced Directive. They have a few forms, no pun, including Living Wills. Google search it and/or see if you can find information for the state you live.