Hi again,
You all were right: my mom is in back in Gage hospital, although her partial bowel blockage is now a full bowel blockage. So, since December, she had been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer (found in hip, cleared and clear scans since), c. Diff, DVTs and PEs, sepsis (from the TPN line), and now a full bowel blockage.
The doctors are trying to wait until next week to do the surgery to give her as much protein as possible, but she was throwing up last night with the NGT tube, so I think they may have to move the surgery up.
My mom now just stares off into the distance or sleeps. Question 1: Is there anything I should be doing to help her (touching her hand, etc.)?
My brother is still in denial (quick recap: a few weeks back I told the social worker Mom needed to be in a facility and my brother said he could take care of her despite very obvious signs of burnout. This led to a huge blowup with my family). He saw his gf’s mom pass away from an intestinal issue, and keeps saying how mom’s “isn’t that bad” in comparison.
A new social worker came in when my brother and I happened to be there, and said mom wanted home care after surgery. My brother then says he lives with my mom full-time, despite spending weekends with his girlfriend and working. Question 2: How on Earth do I get through to him?
Any help is appreciated! You all have kept me sane this year!
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My father died at 74, that is still young for many people but your mom has been put through the wringer and her health has been compromised in multiple ways - are you sure she is still willing to keep fighting?
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Since when is doing what ‘mom’ wants, is what is best all around? Your brother isn’t even a full time primary caregiver. He isn’t making her care a priority. He is catering to her emotions, rather than her real needs. Of course, your mom needs to be in a facility! She needs more care than a family member can give her.
How sad it is that this social worker isn’t stressing to your brother that no matter where your mom wants to be, that the very best place for her to be is in a facility. Did you tell the social worker that what your brother said wasn’t accurate, since he isn’t available to be with her full time?
I am so sorry that you are in the middle of all of this. I feel your pain and frustration! I don’t blame you one bit.
I am sorry that your brother is so delusional and that your mom has suffered so much. It’s sad that your brother won’t step back and allow your mom to receive the help that she needs.
How long has this been going on? As difficult as it is to accept, you may have to wait until a crisis happens before your brother decides to place your mom.
Wishing you and your family the very best. Keep us updated. We care.